Anonymous wrote:Never was a snooper until I stumbled accidentally over hard evidence that he was cheating.

Kept my mouth shut and snooped for quite awhile. What I found was more than enough to know I had to and wanted to end the marriage.

It enabled me to leave and never have the slightest regret about the consequences for any of us (me, kids or him). Snooping made it clear that there was no alternative & that it was not safe or healthy to stay.

Wow, I'm so curious, how did you "stumble accidentally over hard evidence"? Without actually trying to snoop?

I'm glad you got out!

Didn’t really snoop per-say … was at my BF’s place and noticed a condom wrapper near the edge of his bed. This has happened twice. Haven’t said anything yet because I’m figuring out how to bring it up. We don’t use them so it’s a bit sus. He must have noticed them because they are no longer there and have been removed.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and recently I had a gut feeling and snooped around his room. I then found a used pregnancy test underneath his bed. I know it’s old because the expiry date is next year. I also know he got his ex pregnant and terminated it. I can’t help but think why he would keep something like that especially if he is over her.

No need to snoop. I knew he was a dog.With the second one I didn't snoop because I didn't care enough. I wish he had left in peace.

4 years, no marriage, move on.

Interestingly, like a PP above, I'm a lifelong snooper whose parents were both addicts. I discovered lots of hidden secrets that did help explain some of their issues, like the fact that my mother was forced to give up a baby for adoption in her teens.

In my 30's, I dodged a HUGE bullet through snooping...discovered my partner of 2 years was a sex addict who hooked up with people when I was out of town for work. LOTS of people. He admitted to one transgression. Snooping helped me realize there were countless.

In my 50's now, I have mostly given up snooping. My DH is untrustworthy on some levels but I am not prepared to divorce right now, and I just don't feel like sparing the emotional energy to catch him lying. I just don't have any to spare. If he's having an affair, so be it. That's on him. I'm not losing sleep over it, literally. When I'm ready to leave, I will leave on my own terms that go beyond things he has lied about and may still be lying about. I'm not letting him steal any more of my energy worrying about it.

Never was a snooper until I stumbled accidentally over hard evidence that he was cheating.

Kept my mouth shut and snooped for quite awhile. What I found was more than enough to know I had to and wanted to end the marriage.

It enabled me to leave and never have the slightest regret about the consequences for any of us (me, kids or him). Snooping made it clear that there was no alternative & that it was not safe or healthy to stay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe not the same thing, but I’m a lifelong snooper and very adept at this. I snooped around my childhood home, my boyfriend’s apartment, my old office to check things out and find answers/documents and educate myself. Stems from childhood bro g raised by two liars and addicts. I had to empower myself to find some answers.

That’s so interesting and understandable given the background trauma. It can make you untrustworthy though.

Not if she keeps those secrets to herself and doesn't act on anything except in cases where something impacts her negatively.
I have several snooping aunts who love to know details about my life. My very secretive mother used to warn me to hide my financial and medical information before they came, and to avoid answering questions... which I thought was so peculiar. I don't care if my aunts know how much my house costs or what surgery I had, or what brand intimate products I use, and tell everyone else. ???

Anonymous wrote:Maybe not the same thing, but I’m a lifelong snooper and very adept at this. I snooped around my childhood home, my boyfriend’s apartment, my old office to check things out and find answers/documents and educate myself. Stems from childhood bro g raised by two liars and addicts. I had to empower myself to find some answers.

That’s so interesting and understandable given the background trauma. It can make you untrustworthy though.

Maybe not the same thing, but I’m a lifelong snooper and very adept at this. I snooped around my childhood home, my boyfriend’s apartment, my old office to check things out and find answers/documents and educate myself. Stems from childhood bro g raised by two liars and addicts. I had to empower myself to find some answers.

Anonymous wrote:I have a financially controlling and secretive husband. I try to find as much information as I can, because we've been in debt before, and been in other financial troubles, and he hides it from me.

Smart of you.

^ so no, I don't regret it at all. I need to do this so that I can steer this ship to its best outcome.

I have a financially controlling and secretive husband. I try to find as much information as I can, because we've been in debt before, and been in other financial troubles, and he hides it from me.

Anonymous wrote:

Been dating for 4 years because got suspicious about behavior changes. No current affair but clearly there was a lot going on early in the relationship with another guy that was never closed down. Key events early in relationship aren’t so meaningful any more. Good to know on one level but can’t unsee

You’ll never unsee what you’ve seen. Or get it out of your head

Cut and run now

Else be prepared for all this to come back and blow up in your face 10yr and two kids later

Been dating for 4 years because got suspicious about behavior changes. No current affair but clearly there was a lot going on early in the relationship with another guy that was never closed down. Key events early in relationship aren’t so meaningful any more. Good to know on one level but can’t unsee