You didn't miss the signs, you were in denial.
Knowledge isn't what's missing here, a commitment to act is.

Some of us are the ones who noticed all the subtle and not so subtle signs only to have our family gaslight and chastise us. One problem is often they can "showboat" when a family member is in town visiting so that family member may not see any signs, even subtle ones.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL also has dementia and it’s so hard.

Sending you a hug.

Another sign we missed was that my MIL would use an incorrect word. Like instead of saying “this might be of interest” she said “this might be an inference”…initially we laughed about it bc we thought it was just a random every once in awhile thing. But it became more and more common until it was apparent something was quite off.

So sorry for your family.

Did your MIL realize she had used the wrong word after she said it?

Thank you OP and for all the additional responses. What a trove of good (but very sad) information. Hugs to all here.

Thank you for posting, OP. These are pretty big signs, I have to say.

I am trying to get my father a cognitive test. His signs are a lot more subtle. There are occasional bursts of temper which he didn't use to have. He talks less than he did before. He drives less. He has anxiety at leaving the house, and traveling outside his city is difficult for him. But he does his taxes, reasons well in all our discussions, does all the grocery shopping and cooking (although it takes him more time).

I think there's something there, and mostly I think that because BOTH his parents had different forms of dementia. I want to get ahead of whatever he is developing.

My mom's handwriting got really small -- the phenomenon is called "micrographia," and it's a symptom of dementia.

She also started off able to retain new information for a week or two, then forget it. Now she can't retain it at all.

Started forgetting how to use technology or, really early on, became unable to understand basic technology concepts like texting. With my mom the computer got confusing first, then the television then finally the cell phone. It’s truly is like watching them age in reverse.

I think my parent is heading in that direction:

Rarely showers

Often sleeps in day clothes

Circular conversations

Aw, I’m sorry. One day it will be us. Sending sympathy to you all.

My MIL also has dementia and it’s so hard.

Sending you a hug.

Another sign we missed was that my MIL would use an incorrect word. Like instead of saying “this might be of interest” she said “this might be an inference”…initially we laughed about it bc we thought it was just a random every once in awhile thing. But it became more and more common until it was apparent something was quite off.

#2 seems like an improvement though. I wouldn’t guess either

Yes thank you. Going through similar. We noticed more out of character behavior and higher emotion later in the day which also made it easier to explain away as fatigue.

Thank you for taking the time and initiative to write this. Sending warm thoughts to you and your family.

I’m very sorry your family is dealing with this. It’s so stressful and heartbreaking. It was kind of you to share these signs with others. Hugs.

Just a PSA after dealing with my MIL who was recently diagnosed with dementia: we missed some obvious signs and dismissed/ignored/made excuses for others. DH is partly in shock but mostly in denial.

A few examples that might help someone else - observed some two years ago.

- odd emotional displays that seem out of character or unusual for their personality. MIL burst into tears when she experienced minor disappointment/change in plans.

- she had always been very chatty and talkative. Quite suddenly I observed that she was talking less and listening more.

- unprepared for weather change/confused by seasonal change. She showed up at a summer outdoor event in jeans and a sweater during a heat wave. Visited in the summer and she put out Fall and Christmas decor in our guest room. This was probably the most alarming and sad for me to see since my MIL decorated for every season and holiday.

- she suddenly stopped signing or writing, texting or posting anything. Gift tags, birthday cards all written and signed by FIL. Could not easily use her cell phone. I found a shopping list she attempted and it was barely decipherable with misspellings and crossed out, jumbled words.