It's very hard to find the right words and tone of voice, OP. My mother went overboard and just kept telling me I was fat, and forbade all revealing clothing. I want to school in horrible baggy things that I hated. DD went through a similar transition, and I talked about what clothes are intended to highlight about a person's figure, and how there is actually a point to wearing certain styles and cuts... which is what I would rather have heard instead of the "you're fat, eat less!" refrain. Luckily, DD is receptive. Now she's elongated and at 14 can wear anything she wants.

So don't do anything that your daughter will take as a personal attack, but do steer her to what flatters her current figure. When kids are stubborn, parents need finely-honed diplomatic skills!

How fat is she?

Anonymous wrote:My 12yo DD is a little overweight (has a belly and thicker legs) and of course wants to dress just like her friends in short shorts, tight tanks and cropped tees. The reality is that it just doesn’t look very good on her and I worry that her peers and boys are going to pick up on that compared to her twig like friends. She isn’t bothered though and has great self confidence, so I don’t want to do anything that could impact that going into her teen years.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and let her wear what she wants? When she has tried really unflattering things in the past that she says she loves I’ve replied with things like - that looks nice/ok but it’s not my favorite cut/color/style - but she doesn’t seem to care and just wants what everyone else has.

Please don’t refer to healthy 12 year olds as twigs because they’re not overweight like your DD

Let her wear what she's happy and comfortable in.

Anonymous wrote:Damn OP, you need some therapy asap before you give your daughter an eating disorder.

Why are you being extreme and trying to make OP feel terrible? She is being nothing but reasonable. There's a huge difference between suggesting better looking outfits and inducing "eating disorder".

Maybe you should work on providing a healthier lifestyle rather than agonizing about her clothes

Damn OP, you need some therapy asap before you give your daughter an eating disorder.

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter feels happy and comfortable wearing age appropriate clothing that her peers are wearing and you want to tell her she needs to change in case her peers and boys (a separate distinction you made) don’t like her choices?

What values are teaching her? It sounds like your daughter has much healthier attitudes about her body and appearance than you do. OP, I’m sure you want what’s best for your daughter, but you are the problem here.

This.

Let it be. She’s 12 and will likely grow out of the chubby stage but will forever remember her mom criticizing her body.

So your daughter feels happy and comfortable wearing age appropriate clothing that her peers are wearing and you want to tell her she needs to change in case her peers and boys (a separate distinction you made) don’t like her choices?

What values are teaching her? It sounds like your daughter has much healthier attitudes about her body and appearance than you do. OP, I’m sure you want what’s best for your daughter, but you are the problem here.

Now it’s cool for women and girls of all shapes and sizes to wear revealing clothing to sexualize themselves for the male gaze, not just skinny and fit girls. What amazing progress for women!

Yeah, I think “unflattering” probably means you think she’s too fat to wear this or that. I honestly don’t think there’s any upside to you telling her that. She can see herself in the mirror. She may have a different opinion than you about what is “flattering,” and that’s okay.

If there are specific events like church or weddings or whatever where you feel you can’t handle it, set guidelines like “no belly skin showing, nothing skin tight” and then just stick to them. I don’t think there’s any upside to getting into an argument about “flattering” especially because that’s just a cover for what you really mean.

Leave it alone. Girls of all shapes and sizes are wearing these styles and no one seems to care, except pearl clutchers who think these girls should be hidden away.

No, take her out and buy more flattering clothing in fun styles.

My 12yo DD is a little overweight (has a belly and thicker legs) and of course wants to dress just like her friends in short shorts, tight tanks and cropped tees. The reality is that it just doesn’t look very good on her and I worry that her peers and boys are going to pick up on that compared to her twig like friends. She isn’t bothered though and has great self confidence, so I don’t want to do anything that could impact that going into her teen years.

Do I just keep my mouth shut and let her wear what she wants? When she has tried really unflattering things in the past that she says she loves I’ve replied with things like - that looks nice/ok but it’s not my favorite cut/color/style - but she doesn’t seem to care and just wants what everyone else has.