Anonymous wrote:DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?

She says where she is going and say she feels lucky to have gotten in. You may not mean to, but you sound embarrassed not even FOR her but embarrassed OF her.

She has a better chance at Phi Beta Kappa at an easier school.

No, we aren’t planning for her to transfer next year to her reach school or take a year off.

People can be so nosy. They can also be well-meaning. And clueless.
Just get your statement ready “oh man this is a long process! We will see!”

There is always someone who got into a "better" school. Who cares? What matters is whether your kid gets into a school that's right for them. You and she need to find some options that she can be genuinely happy about - because if she's happy, she's more likely to be successful. And that's what really matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to X university and really looking forward to it!

Or at this point in the cycle:
“I’m not sure yet where I’m going to go, but I’m sure I’ll find a place that is a great fit”

This. I really think you need to work on your attitude so it doesn’t bother your kid. People are just being nice and making conversation — you don’t need a “come back” line. You’re making this a thing when it doesn’t need to be.

+1 DD struggled in HS after being a great student in MS. So maybe some families who haven't spent much time with us during the HS years were surprised at her college destination but nobody was rude about it. She goes to a LAC most people haven't heard of but it has a stellar program for her interest. So during the process I'd just say she's looking at a variety of schools, mainly wants a small school with a good program for X. Once she picked it we were happy to share that she was going there and that they have a really great program. If any of my friends were snobs about colleges, I didn't hear about it from them.

In what other ways have you told your daughter she's a disappoinment? You need an attitude change, stat.

Buried in this post is the probably incorrect assumption that everyone asking expects the answer to be a top school AND that they will react negatively and embarrass your child for an honest answer. I cannot imagine a single person in my family acting that way.

If that IS your family, then I'm with your kid. No need to hang out with people who don't actually love you.

Get a new family and friends that aren’t pretentious aholes.

I don’t understand this. She’s a senior. She has no idea where she’s going.

If someone said, are you considering Harvard? my kid would say, LOL no.

Do you need a come back line? If someone is rude enough to say something negative about her school choice, then call them on it.

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to X university and really looking forward to it!

Or at this point in the cycle:
“I’m not sure yet where I’m going to go, but I’m sure I’ll find a place that is a great fit”

This. I really think you need to work on your attitude so it doesn’t bother your kid. People are just being nice and making conversation — you don’t need a “come back” line. You’re making this a thing when it doesn’t need to be.

I’m going to X university and really looking forward to it!

Or at this point in the cycle:
“I’m not sure yet where I’m going to go, but I’m sure I’ll find a place that is a great fit”

What a sad post. I hope you don’t pass your insecurities onto your child.

Lived on with life.

DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?