Anonymous
08/30/2024 09:24
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Anonymous wrote:Thanks all from OP. I do see value in forging some more meaningful friendships, or at least going from fellow parent acquaintance to more elevated connection. I have a few single mom friends from the school group and we do more together generally.
I think posing it to my kid about being ok with a drop off would be a good idea. And limiting to one playdate per month at a house (we do meet people at the park almost every weekend).
I unfortunately do have to work a lot of hours. I’m contract and it’s not at a professional compensation that would let me work fewer hours. It’s not sustainable (I am exhausted and have been doing this for more than a year) but is what I have to do for now until I can get better work. As for what my child does when I work on weekends, I work when she is at activities and while she eats lunch and has screen time and has quiet time in her room. And I work from after she goes to bed until 11pm each night).
OP if I knew you I’d 100 be happy to host your kiddo every weekend for playdates. My kid is an only and needs company. It would be win-win as far as I’m concerned to have my kid occupied happily in my house while you get some time to yourself in your house.
Anonymous
08/30/2024 09:22
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
I’d drop the two Saturday activities for more unstructured time. Playdates are more important. I’d also not hesitate AT ALL to lean on other parents to host. Sounds like your kid is fun friend and to many parents that is a benefit worth hosting for.
Anonymous
08/30/2024 08:14
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Thanks all from OP. I do see value in forging some more meaningful friendships, or at least going from fellow parent acquaintance to more elevated connection. I have a few single mom friends from the school group and we do more together generally.
I think posing it to my kid about being ok with a drop off would be a good idea. And limiting to one playdate per month at a house (we do meet people at the park almost every weekend).
I unfortunately do have to work a lot of hours. I’m contract and it’s not at a professional compensation that would let me work fewer hours. It’s not sustainable (I am exhausted and have been doing this for more than a year) but is what I have to do for now until I can get better work. As for what my child does when I work on weekends, I work when she is at activities and while she eats lunch and has screen time and has quiet time in her room. And I work from after she goes to bed until 11pm each night).
I think posing it to my kid about being ok with a drop off would be a good idea. And limiting to one playdate per month at a house (we do meet people at the park almost every weekend).
I unfortunately do have to work a lot of hours. I’m contract and it’s not at a professional compensation that would let me work fewer hours. It’s not sustainable (I am exhausted and have been doing this for more than a year) but is what I have to do for now until I can get better work. As for what my child does when I work on weekends, I work when she is at activities and while she eats lunch and has screen time and has quiet time in her room. And I work from after she goes to bed until 11pm each night).
Anonymous
08/29/2024 22:55
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would present this to your daughter as a time issue as well since it seems like that is what it is. You don’t have to ensure she is entertained 24/7. Ask her if she wants to do activities on Saturday or playdates. It’s okay to make her choose how she spends her time. Everyone faces that trade off. It’s also okay to have Sunday committed to family and other activities that are necessary to sustain domestic life like errands.
+1 agree the DD should weigh in on how she wants to spend her time
I do think it's important to enhance DD friendships and to build parent community so I would put some priority into playdates. Maybe 1-2 a month, not every weekend. And I don't think reciprocating has to mean at your home. I mostly want someone to be easy to schedule with and showing interest. I don't care if they suggest a playdate that is elsewhere.
+1
OP, it sounds like you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, which is totally justified. But agree with PP that investing a bit in this will pay off down the road when you have a circle you can lean on. My kids are in MS and still friends with kids they met in K, and the moms take turns sharing rides—not necessarily personal friends, but all look out for each other’s kids.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
I am that PP and yes just as an example of that investment we've done things like tradeoff playdates on snow days (live in same neighborhood), carpooling to an activity both kids do, etc. It takes time and effort to develop the parent relationships but in some ways has made life easier. And getting to know other parents also provides a lot of insight into the school and other salient stuff going on with kids. You don't have to do it via playdates but IMO that community or at least a couple parents you know and trust is invaluable.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:47
Subject: Re:Single parent playdate cycle
Maybe give up 1 activity on Saturday. I am singl mom with older DD now. In elementary the play dates led to friensldships/help for me. Find another play date friend who also has single parent
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:38
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Do you have to work 60 hours a week?
This seems crazy and unsustainable to me as a long term situation as a single parent. You are missing so much time.
Having said that, do the play dates, when you feel like it’s your turn take the kids to skyzone or a park, or swim center … you don’t have to sit huddled around your coffee table.
This seems crazy and unsustainable to me as a long term situation as a single parent. You are missing so much time.
Having said that, do the play dates, when you feel like it’s your turn take the kids to skyzone or a park, or swim center … you don’t have to sit huddled around your coffee table.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:31
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would present this to your daughter as a time issue as well since it seems like that is what it is. You don’t have to ensure she is entertained 24/7. Ask her if she wants to do activities on Saturday or playdates. It’s okay to make her choose how she spends her time. Everyone faces that trade off. It’s also okay to have Sunday committed to family and other activities that are necessary to sustain domestic life like errands.
+1 agree the DD should weigh in on how she wants to spend her time
I do think it's important to enhance DD friendships and to build parent community so I would put some priority into playdates. Maybe 1-2 a month, not every weekend. And I don't think reciprocating has to mean at your home. I mostly want someone to be easy to schedule with and showing interest. I don't care if they suggest a playdate that is elsewhere.
+1
OP, it sounds like you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, which is totally justified. But agree with PP that investing a bit in this will pay off down the road when you have a circle you can lean on. My kids are in MS and still friends with kids they met in K, and the moms take turns sharing rides—not necessarily personal friends, but all look out for each other’s kids.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:30
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
The thing that stands out to me is that you can’t do drop off play dates. That’s the thing I would work on. If you could drop off, and have some reciprocity going, then you might end up with every other Sunday afternoon to yourself to run those errands at an efficient adult pace. So I would tell your daughter that she can start having more play dates on the condition that she stays and plays happily at her friend’s house when invited.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:30
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
It’s a time issue. Because we both work, sometimes in person, we can’t host play dates after school. We have Sunday afternoon and sometimes Friday evening for play dates.
I have my kids make a list and rank the kids in order and we use our available times to ask kids over - but I admit I put my thumb on the scale for people who also invite my kids over. I used to think of play dates as a hassle, but I’ve come to see it as an investment in my “village”. Once a month we are usually lucky enough that both kids are invited out at the same time and we get a few hours by ourselves on Sunday. The flip side is that other Sundays I have a house full of 4-8 kids.
I have my kids make a list and rank the kids in order and we use our available times to ask kids over - but I admit I put my thumb on the scale for people who also invite my kids over. I used to think of play dates as a hassle, but I’ve come to see it as an investment in my “village”. Once a month we are usually lucky enough that both kids are invited out at the same time and we get a few hours by ourselves on Sunday. The flip side is that other Sundays I have a house full of 4-8 kids.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 21:13
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Anonymous wrote:I would present this to your daughter as a time issue as well since it seems like that is what it is. You don’t have to ensure she is entertained 24/7. Ask her if she wants to do activities on Saturday or playdates. It’s okay to make her choose how she spends her time. Everyone faces that trade off. It’s also okay to have Sunday committed to family and other activities that are necessary to sustain domestic life like errands.
+1 agree the DD should weigh in on how she wants to spend her time
I do think it's important to enhance DD friendships and to build parent community so I would put some priority into playdates. Maybe 1-2 a month, not every weekend. And I don't think reciprocating has to mean at your home. I mostly want someone to be easy to schedule with and showing interest. I don't care if they suggest a playdate that is elsewhere.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 20:34
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Can you try to encourage the friends to sign up for the same activities?
Anonymous
08/29/2024 18:48
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
Anonymous wrote:My rising first grade makes fast friends, which is great. But, between seeing friends from Kindergarten on weekends and getting asked for playdates with kids she met at camps over the summer, and now new kids she has met in first grade, we've been swept into a heightened playdate cycle. This last year we did a lot of meet ups at our local playground. Nice and easy for everyone. Recently, she (or her friends) have been asking for one on one playdates at one another's homes. I've begged off mostly, but feel bad about it.
The biggest barrier I feel is time. I've been divorced for less than a year and have sole custody and work 60 hours a week (from home). My kiddo is enrolled in one activity during the week and the other days she goes to after care. On Saturdays, she has two activities. There really isn't any time to have a play date except for Sundays, which is also the only day I don't typically have to get the two of us out the door at an early hour or stay on a schedule. It is my day to do errands, clean, have family time with my kiddo, and get some work done. My second hesitation is hosting. We live in a small space, an upper level of two-family rental in a neighborhood with giant single family homes. My small home is an outlier, my single parent status is an outlier. If the parent brings the kid and stays, we're all kind of stuck sitting/playing in a small space. If the parent drops the kid, then I'll be managing multiple kids and activities for them solo. I am also wary of the reciprocity -- I would never want to accept a play date at someone's home and not reciprocate, so we just haven't done many. My kiddo also isn't quite ready for drop offs so I stick around for bday parties and the like and I don't think would feel comfortable dropping her at another house without me being there yet.
Do I need to suck it up and start scheduling a few of these? Or just keep a no playdate rule (save for impromptu park meetups) for sanity? What do others do, especially if you're crunched for time? I HATE looking (or feeling like a look) like the frazzled single mom but I truly am really busy, and you all know how tough it is adding juuuuuuuuust one more thing to the plate. I also at the same time don't want to lose an opportunity to make some friends from acquaintances. We all know married people can be kind of weird about socializing with single parents, so if given an entree am I wasting an opportunity to exoand my own circle? Reading into this too hard but would value thoughts from other single parents trying to do All the Things.
I would move to an apartment and start hosting playdates.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 18:45
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
What does your DD do while you are working on Sunday?
Anonymous
08/29/2024 17:54
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
I would present this to your daughter as a time issue as well since it seems like that is what it is. You don’t have to ensure she is entertained 24/7. Ask her if she wants to do activities on Saturday or playdates. It’s okay to make her choose how she spends her time. Everyone faces that trade off. It’s also okay to have Sunday committed to family and other activities that are necessary to sustain domestic life like errands.
Anonymous
08/29/2024 17:36
Subject: Single parent playdate cycle
My rising first grade makes fast friends, which is great. But, between seeing friends from Kindergarten on weekends and getting asked for playdates with kids she met at camps over the summer, and now new kids she has met in first grade, we've been swept into a heightened playdate cycle. This last year we did a lot of meet ups at our local playground. Nice and easy for everyone. Recently, she (or her friends) have been asking for one on one playdates at one another's homes. I've begged off mostly, but feel bad about it.
The biggest barrier I feel is time. I've been divorced for less than a year and have sole custody and work 60 hours a week (from home). My kiddo is enrolled in one activity during the week and the other days she goes to after care. On Saturdays, she has two activities. There really isn't any time to have a play date except for Sundays, which is also the only day I don't typically have to get the two of us out the door at an early hour or stay on a schedule. It is my day to do errands, clean, have family time with my kiddo, and get some work done. My second hesitation is hosting. We live in a small space, an upper level of two-family rental in a neighborhood with giant single family homes. My small home is an outlier, my single parent status is an outlier. If the parent brings the kid and stays, we're all kind of stuck sitting/playing in a small space. If the parent drops the kid, then I'll be managing multiple kids and activities for them solo. I am also wary of the reciprocity -- I would never want to accept a play date at someone's home and not reciprocate, so we just haven't done many. My kiddo also isn't quite ready for drop offs so I stick around for bday parties and the like and I don't think would feel comfortable dropping her at another house without me being there yet.
Do I need to suck it up and start scheduling a few of these? Or just keep a no playdate rule (save for impromptu park meetups) for sanity? What do others do, especially if you're crunched for time? I HATE looking (or feeling like a look) like the frazzled single mom but I truly am really busy, and you all know how tough it is adding juuuuuuuuust one more thing to the plate. I also at the same time don't want to lose an opportunity to make some friends from acquaintances. We all know married people can be kind of weird about socializing with single parents, so if given an entree am I wasting an opportunity to exoand my own circle? Reading into this too hard but would value thoughts from other single parents trying to do All the Things.
The biggest barrier I feel is time. I've been divorced for less than a year and have sole custody and work 60 hours a week (from home). My kiddo is enrolled in one activity during the week and the other days she goes to after care. On Saturdays, she has two activities. There really isn't any time to have a play date except for Sundays, which is also the only day I don't typically have to get the two of us out the door at an early hour or stay on a schedule. It is my day to do errands, clean, have family time with my kiddo, and get some work done. My second hesitation is hosting. We live in a small space, an upper level of two-family rental in a neighborhood with giant single family homes. My small home is an outlier, my single parent status is an outlier. If the parent brings the kid and stays, we're all kind of stuck sitting/playing in a small space. If the parent drops the kid, then I'll be managing multiple kids and activities for them solo. I am also wary of the reciprocity -- I would never want to accept a play date at someone's home and not reciprocate, so we just haven't done many. My kiddo also isn't quite ready for drop offs so I stick around for bday parties and the like and I don't think would feel comfortable dropping her at another house without me being there yet.
Do I need to suck it up and start scheduling a few of these? Or just keep a no playdate rule (save for impromptu park meetups) for sanity? What do others do, especially if you're crunched for time? I HATE looking (or feeling like a look) like the frazzled single mom but I truly am really busy, and you all know how tough it is adding juuuuuuuuust one more thing to the plate. I also at the same time don't want to lose an opportunity to make some friends from acquaintances. We all know married people can be kind of weird about socializing with single parents, so if given an entree am I wasting an opportunity to exoand my own circle? Reading into this too hard but would value thoughts from other single parents trying to do All the Things.