Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 15:04     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:Focus on taking your kid to college since that’s a happy event and you should be proud of yourself for raising him so successfully!
Then, don’t come home for a few days. Spend it in a hotel while you prioritize and research how to address the rest of your stressors. Your mom is probably the easiest to address. If she’s mentally ill and suffering from dementia, she’s not in a position to make decisions for herself. Whether she likes it or not, it’s time for either a home or home care.


I can do my health treatments at a hotel locally or at the hospital. I’m at the point where I would rather be at the hospital than here among these people. FWIW, I told boss I need to take a few days medical leave and I was told “ok, but you have to ….” I’m just so annoyed with the “but” when I am delaying my healthcare for his stupid deadline. Send off is on Friday… so it’s coming down to it this week.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 15:02     Subject: Everything falling apart
Lots of kids don't get dropped off at college. Dropping him off and having a breakdown isn't a good feel for him starting an exciting phase of life.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:44     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry, OP. You need to prioritize yourself. I'm in a similar situation, and sometimes I feel the only reason I'm still alive is that my kids still need me.

I'm not quite sure what prioritizing oneself means, in the context of straightened funds, demands on one's time and an abusive spouse... but I listen to classical music, try to read good books and uplifting movies and spend time with my friends and children.

Is your mother on a waitlist for the appropriate government facility? She needs to be. You can't kill yourself trying to do everything, poor dear.


She can have in home care covered up to 24/7 but she refuses. Same for a home, she refuses and it would be sad for her.


She doesn’t have to get a choice about this.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:43     Subject: Everything falling apart
Focus on taking your kid to college since that’s a happy event and you should be proud of yourself for raising him so successfully!
Then, don’t come home for a few days. Spend it in a hotel while you prioritize and research how to address the rest of your stressors. Your mom is probably the easiest to address. If she’s mentally ill and suffering from dementia, she’s not in a position to make decisions for herself. Whether she likes it or not, it’s time for either a home or home care.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:34     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry, OP. You need to prioritize yourself. I'm in a similar situation, and sometimes I feel the only reason I'm still alive is that my kids still need me.

I'm not quite sure what prioritizing oneself means, in the context of straightened funds, demands on one's time and an abusive spouse... but I listen to classical music, try to read good books and uplifting movies and spend time with my friends and children.

Is your mother on a waitlist for the appropriate government facility? She needs to be. You can't kill yourself trying to do everything, poor dear.


She can have in home care covered up to 24/7 but she refuses. Same for a home, she refuses and it would be sad for her.


Tough love here. Grow a spine, OP. So what if it would be “sad” for her. And if she refuses, she gets to fester. You need to prioritize yourself and child. Keep it together and give him a great college send off. Ditch mom for now. Play nice with husband while plotting to get him away from you. Look for a new job.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:25     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:I'm very sorry, OP. You need to prioritize yourself. I'm in a similar situation, and sometimes I feel the only reason I'm still alive is that my kids still need me.

I'm not quite sure what prioritizing oneself means, in the context of straightened funds, demands on one's time and an abusive spouse... but I listen to classical music, try to read good books and uplifting movies and spend time with my friends and children.

Is your mother on a waitlist for the appropriate government facility? She needs to be. You can't kill yourself trying to do everything, poor dear.


She can have in home care covered up to 24/7 but she refuses. Same for a home, she refuses and it would be sad for her.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:24     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So get a new job and ditch the DH. Find mom a retirement home. What's in any of this for you?


Loser DH wants to take half of my money and I am facing poverty. I think I’ll call in sick and check myself into the hospital for a few days. But then I can’t drop off DS at college. IDK… mom refuses any help unless I provide it in person. Did I mention she’s like an insane person now - not just forgetful.


Do you have joint account?
Talk to a lawyer..
everything , will work out.


I did. In my state unemployed spouse is entitled to 50% of everything plus alimony. Since DH is an abusive jerk, he will take it all.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:10     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So get a new job and ditch the DH. Find mom a retirement home. What's in any of this for you?


Loser DH wants to take half of my money and I am facing poverty. I think I’ll call in sick and check myself into the hospital for a few days. But then I can’t drop off DS at college. IDK… mom refuses any help unless I provide it in person. Did I mention she’s like an insane person now - not just forgetful.


Do you have joint account?
Talk to a lawyer..
everything , will work out.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:10     Subject: Everything falling apart
Could a bubble bath with a glass of wine help?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:10     Subject: Everything falling apart
I'm very sorry, OP. You need to prioritize yourself. I'm in a similar situation, and sometimes I feel the only reason I'm still alive is that my kids still need me.

I'm not quite sure what prioritizing oneself means, in the context of straightened funds, demands on one's time and an abusive spouse... but I listen to classical music, try to read good books and uplifting movies and spend time with my friends and children.

Is your mother on a waitlist for the appropriate government facility? She needs to be. You can't kill yourself trying to do everything, poor dear.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:08     Subject: Everything falling apart
I'm sorry. I can understand why you are close to a mental breakdown.
Can you hold it together until your kid leaves for college?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:06     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:So get a new job and ditch the DH. Find mom a retirement home. What's in any of this for you?


Loser DH wants to take half of my money and I am facing poverty. I think I’ll call in sick and check myself into the hospital for a few days. But then I can’t drop off DS at college. IDK… mom refuses any help unless I provide it in person. Did I mention she’s like an insane person now - not just forgetful.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:06     Subject: Everything falling apart
Anonymous wrote:So get a new job and ditch the DH. Find mom a retirement home. What's in any of this for you?


All this...
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 14:04     Subject: Everything falling apart
So get a new job and ditch the DH. Find mom a retirement home. What's in any of this for you?
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2024 13:55     Subject: Everything falling apart
Utter work stress on a job I never signed up for (bait and switch); health issue that’s being mismanaged by providers; dropping DS off at college; DH eternally unemployed and verbally abusive; demented mother at home who acts like a crazy person and adds to mental stress and doesn’t take care of herself. I am trapped and close to a mental breakdown. Therapy appointment a few weeks out but won’t change the underlying issues anyway.