Does it come across as privileged? Haughty? Out of touch? She might need a different tone even if the topic is good.

Anonymous wrote:Start the Essay stating that her 9th grade English Teacher made a comment comparing her writing to that of an article in the New Yorker.
From there she shares how she headed to the library to understand the reference and after her 1st issue she was hooked

Hmmm. I don't love this -- I get how you are concerned about a pretentious tone.

But it could be workable if she completely plays down the part about an English teacher comparing her writing to that of writers who are published in the New Yorker. Focus on falling in love with writing/reading via New Yorker articles, and avoid anything that resembles bragging or even mentioning someone praising her work. If her writing really is that far above par for hs students, she won't need to anyway; it will be apparent in the essay itself.

FWIW, you might turn her on to NYRB as well.

Anonymous wrote:If she can write as if it's The New Yorker, then I say go for it!

I have a grad degree in creative writing. No one in my program could "write as if it's the New Yorker." Most of the people I've been in workshops with at Bread Loaf and Tin House can't "write as if it's the New Yorker." So although it's not impossible, it's unlikely that this high school child is actually turning out a NY'r quality essay.

OP, I strongly recommend she use no unnecessarily large words. That would be a bad pretentious. Also it can/should have voice but it should still feel conversational and not like showing off.

Start the Essay stating that her 9th grade English Teacher made a comment comparing her writing to that of an article in the New Yorker.
From there she shares how she headed to the library to understand the reference and after her 1st issue she was hooked

She should have a good friend and an English teacher read it and tell her if it sounds like her. The risk of it sounding like the New Yorker is colleges might think it wasn't written by a high school student.

If she can write as if it's The New Yorker, then I say go for it!

Not a dumb worry.

Tone is very important. The point of the essay is to say "This is who I am." You don't want to sound pretentious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that's a valid concern. Can she throw in some self effacing humor to dilute it?

It's not pretentious about herself. She isn't saying she's amazing or anything braggy at all. The style is a bit like something you'd read in the New Yorker.

Then stick with it. Her writing "style" is about her talents as a writer which will be obvious to them, if this is the case (what you say above). I think that's fine. Go with that.

If her authentic self is pretentious then go with it.

Anonymous wrote:I think that's a valid concern. Can she throw in some self effacing humor to dilute it?

It's not pretentious about herself. She isn't saying she's amazing or anything braggy at all. The style is a bit like something you'd read in the New Yorker.

bragging is okay, but no privilege

I think that's a valid concern. Can she throw in some self effacing humor to dilute it?

It's fair to be worried about sounding pretentious.

My dd's essay is very well-written, but I worry it sounds pretentious. Is this a dumb worry? Am I overthinking it? Could someone reading it as pretentious decide that despite the big picture being good they will pass on them? It's not a charity/wealth-related essay.