Anonymous wrote:I send them to their rooms to calm down and tell them they can come down when they can speak to me calmly. I will also expect an apology for the outburst and ask them if they can articulate to me why I sent them to their room.

Similar to this.
Mine is 12 now and this has only happened of times. Our role as the adult is to de escalate so we separate then try again. Mine really only does this if she’s genuinely upset about something.

I just immediately disengage and walk away. My face falls; I stop eye contact. The kid either finds me to apologize or when he's calmer I ask him why he thinks I walked away and he says he's sorry. But this doesn't a happen a lot. Maybe once or twice a year,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask if they have lost their everloving mind, then tell them to go the eff to their room and stare at the wall. You don't yell at me in the house I pay for by going to a job I barely like every day.

Basically this. Their world stops.

This is so interesting to me, as I have a kid whose world would just always be stopped.

I say “1”. If kid continues to tell, I say “2”. If child is still yelling at me, I say, “3. Take a time out.” If child refuses to go to time out, I hide the TV cord for the rest of the day. Kid is learning to express anger in a calmer voice, which I allow. The book that taught me how to do this is called 123 Magic. We’re not out of the woods yet, but it’s working.

I calmly ask if they are finished. The answer is always "yes". I say "Good. Go to your room until you can speak with respect." When they come out we will talk about whatever is going on. There's usually a consequence. No TV, earlier bed time... something.

Anonymous wrote:I ask if they have lost their everloving mind, then tell them to go the eff to their room and stare at the wall. You don't yell at me in the house I pay for by going to a job I barely like every day.

Basically this. Their world stops.

Soap, water, bottle brush, mouth.

Does your child apologize or is it a struggle?

We do timeouts but no apology. Maybe we should. Given your child's potential family history of borderline personality, I like your focus on apologizing.

I speak calmly and kindly but repeat "you are yelling at me and that is not appropriate". If the yelling continues I walk away. If it continues then, we have consequences, loss of privileges or whatever.

For context my son has adhd and violent outbursts are unfortunately common. So my threshold is maybe higher than other parents, I dont punish or freak out the first few yells. But it is part of a larger scheme of behavior we are working through.

How old is this child? Are they neurotypical?

I send them to their rooms to calm down and tell them they can come down when they can speak to me calmly. I will also expect an apology for the outburst and ask them if they can articulate to me why I sent them to their room.

You say what?!

And what does your ex have to do with your parenting?

I ask if they have lost their everloving mind, then tell them to go the eff to their room and stare at the wall. You don't yell at me in the house I pay for by going to a job I barely like every day.

Usually when my kid is saying those things she is too hyped up to be reasoned with. I disengage then revisit when she is calm and talk about other ways she can express her feelings.

Basically the title. I know kids get triggered and yell and say mean things. I am not sure how best to deal with this behavior. What I am currently doing is saying, I know you are upset about X and that is OK. It is not OK to yell at me/ accuse me/ threaten me. That hurts my feelings. When you are calm I would like you to apologize.

Background: XDH most likely had borderline personality disorder and behaved like this during bad episodes. It is a trigger for me. Separate from that, I’m conscious of not raising kids who think it’s ok to behave like this.