My ex has 2 kids out of wedlock with 2 different women and is trying for a 3rd with a 3rd woman. He's a trainwreck, obviously.

I don't think it's always true based on some of the military men I know that have out of wedlock kids, but it's usually a bad situation and some drama involved. There is usually a reason someone didn't get married and it's either they are a dumpster fry or the other person is.

You can have whatever standards feel right for you— all standards are a judgement and that’s absolutely fine in dating.

I might observe that a guy with a kid out of wedlock may have less financial and emotional baggage than a guy with a kid and a messy divorce history, but again, you’re the one who gets to pick here.

Anonymous wrote:It’s your standard. That’s your right.

This.

It’s your standard. That’s your right.

I remember thinking that I was way too smart to ever get pregnant accidentally. Then I did and I realized my uterus was not connected to my intelligence.

Child out of wedlock…fine.
Children, unless twins, out of wedlock….not ok.

Accidents happen, mistakes are made. Repeating those mistakes is an issue.

That's a bit too much mess for me. Considering the number of men who say terrible things about single moms I think everyone needs to lay off the admonishments.

People can be perfectly nice and we can still not want to date them. You don't need your friends' permission to decide someone's situation isn't a fit.

How old are you? If you are also in the age range you specified (38-48), then yes, I believe you need to be more open to dating a man with children, even if he was not ever married to the mother. At this stage in life, the majority of men have children and have done a lot of living. If you were 24, my answer would be different.

Responsible mature adults have accidental pregnancies. It happens all the time. Birth control methods fail. I think you sound arrogant and immature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I date men ages 38-48 for marriage. Some are divorced with kids which is not issue for me, but I don’t date men who’ve had kids out of wedlock. My friend says I’m being judgmental and could miss out on a good guy with this rule. To me I consider it a red flag to have a kid and not be married. Am I being reasonable?

Maybe the women they had kids with decided to the babies and they didn't. Remember their bodies their choices. You just can't judge you don't know the circumstances. So don't discount a bunch of eligible guys. And the 35+ men who are not married nor dating and don't have kids could very much have red flags on their own. I know a few men like that and they all have red flags.

+1. Her body her choice indeed. But I am sure women on this forum don't see as kids out of wedlock lol.

I don’t think you can be so picky.

Also an accidental pregnancy doesn’t mean the guy is a bad guy.

It is a bit judgemental and you very well could be missing out on a good guy. I don't think people should get married just because they have a kid. I look at it this way ...guy marries his pregnant girlfriend because he feels like he has to. They divorce. You'd date him. Guy doesn't marry his pregnant girlfriend because he knows they aren't a good match. You don't date him. What's the difference?

I agree with you OP. There’s no good reason for a responsible mature adult to have a child with someone they never married unless they are European and long term partners. Your values will not be a match.

Anonymous wrote:I date men ages 38-48 for marriage. Some are divorced with kids which is not issue for me, but I don’t date men who’ve had kids out of wedlock. My friend says I’m being judgmental and could miss out on a good guy with this rule. To me I consider it a red flag to have a kid and not be married. Am I being reasonable?

Maybe the women they had kids with decided to the babies and they didn't. Remember their bodies their choices. You just can't judge you don't know the circumstances. So don't discount a bunch of eligible guys. And the 35+ men who are not married nor dating and don't have kids could very much have red flags on their own. I know a few men like that and they all have red flags.

I date men ages 38-48 for marriage. Some are divorced with kids which is not issue for me, but I don’t date men who’ve had kids out of wedlock. My friend says I’m being judgmental and could miss out on a good guy with this rule. To me I consider it a red flag to have a kid and not be married. Am I being reasonable?