I think you may need to toughen up too.

Talk to a therapist about how to parent this and then stick to the script. Do not show any anxiety if your own at home and only say positive things

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has worked for your child? Dd is 17, tried Cbt and it was not helpful. She really puts herself out there, plays sports, is club president… but she says people constantly identify her as shy, introverted, say so behind her back…she has three friends, but two are through her brother and the other not such a good friend. I so wish I could help her more with this, she says she wishes she could make more friends but nothing is working. Did you go the psychiatry route or did something else help?

Anti-anxiety meds actually helped us senior year of high school and freshmen year of college.

This we had to do this since middle school. The negative self talk, negative perceptions of most things, catastrophizing, and taking normal feedback personally was just too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I should add that she is a very strong, resilient person and does love herself. She is asking me, "when do I find my people? why don't I have my people yet?" Her friends through ds are good friends, but boys, and ds is the core of that group. She really longs for a group of good girlfriends to have fun with.

She will, eventually. Maybe not til college. Girl groups are tough. Good ones are hard to come by, and often the ones that look like they’re having the most fun are stabbing each other in the back behind the scenes.

As a formerly very quiet high schooler (with a very introverted teenage DD), I hate the idea that every variation in personality type needs therapy. She might just need to hang in there and be patient.

I told her this also but she is losing hope. She's such a good kid. She was crying yesterday and it breaks my heart and I wish I had better solutions for her. It got to the point she is definitely anxious socially, because of past experiences. It is actually awful to know people are walking around making her feel bad that way, and these same people have a lot of friends. This includes her one "good" friend who repeated the comment from the boy and crushed her with it. It's not the first time she has done this either.

Anonymous wrote:And I should add that she is a very strong, resilient person and does love herself. She is asking me, "when do I find my people? why don't I have my people yet?" Her friends through ds are good friends, but boys, and ds is the core of that group. She really longs for a group of good girlfriends to have fun with.

She will, eventually. Maybe not til college. Girl groups are tough. Good ones are hard to come by, and often the ones that look like they’re having the most fun are stabbing each other in the back behind the scenes.

As a formerly very quiet high schooler (with a very introverted teenage DD), I hate the idea that every variation in personality type needs therapy. She might just need to hang in there and be patient.

And I should add that she is a very strong, resilient person and does love herself. She is asking me, "when do I find my people? why don't I have my people yet?" Her friends through ds are good friends, but boys, and ds is the core of that group. She really longs for a group of good girlfriends to have fun with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well is she anxious or just shy. If she has true anxiety, then yes go therapy and maybe a light does of med. Or you can go the natural route and try asha or calming gummies too

She is neither when I see her and hear her on the phone. But for instance she signed herself up for a nature camp with a bunch of people she never met. She loved the trip, thought it was going well, and she hears people say she is so shy and barely talks. Meanwhile other people who say less are not labeled that way. So it gets to a point it makes her feel self conscious. Same this past weekend: she goes on a sort of double date just to help out her one good friend. She did not like the guy much. Her friend tells her the boy told her she was “difficult to talk to” All the negative feedback is really getting to her.

Ok well it sounds to me like your daughter has a really good sense of self but is being let down by others perceptions of herself.

This is extremely normal and something she has to evolve into “love yourself and you will attract your people” mentality. Not everyone is everyone else’s cup of tea. She obviously didn’t like this guy either so who cares if they think she was difficult to talk to. If she starts conforming and being superficial, then the anxiety will start. Because she isn’t her true self and it will build up inside of her.

I think some self help books and maybe a therapist to try and navigate herself is all she needs.

I have told her this, and she did try books and therapy. Neither were helpful. The issue is that she is hearing this negative message about herself ALL the time, and she really does not have any good friends despite putting herself out there a lot. So she feels defeated. She didn't care about that guy's opinion so much as about it being yet another instance of someone saying she's too quiet despite having a fine time in the moment. So it gets to the point she wonders "what's wrong with me?" and it makes her more self-conscious. It's like how many times can you try and be social and be told that you're not good enough? That is essentially what she is hearing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well is she anxious or just shy. If she has true anxiety, then yes go therapy and maybe a light does of med. Or you can go the natural route and try asha or calming gummies too

She is neither when I see her and hear her on the phone. But for instance she signed herself up for a nature camp with a bunch of people she never met. She loved the trip, thought it was going well, and she hears people say she is so shy and barely talks. Meanwhile other people who say less are not labeled that way. So it gets to a point it makes her feel self conscious. Same this past weekend: she goes on a sort of double date just to help out her one good friend. She did not like the guy much. Her friend tells her the boy told her she was “difficult to talk to” All the negative feedback is really getting to her.

Ok well it sounds to me like your daughter has a really good sense of self but is being let down by others perceptions of herself.

This is extremely normal and something she has to evolve into “love yourself and you will attract your people” mentality. Not everyone is everyone else’s cup of tea. She obviously didn’t like this guy either so who cares if they think she was difficult to talk to. If she starts conforming and being superficial, then the anxiety will start. Because she isn’t her true self and it will build up inside of her.

I think some self help books and maybe a therapist to try and navigate herself is all she needs.

Anonymous wrote:Well is she anxious or just shy. If she has true anxiety, then yes go therapy and maybe a light does of med. Or you can go the natural route and try asha or calming gummies too

She is neither when I see her and hear her on the phone. But for instance she signed herself up for a nature camp with a bunch of people she never met. She loved the trip, thought it was going well, and she hears people say she is so shy and barely talks. Meanwhile other people who say less are not labeled that way. So it gets to a point it makes her feel self conscious. Same this past weekend: she goes on a sort of double date just to help out her one good friend. She did not like the guy much. Her friend tells her the boy told her she was “difficult to talk to” All the negative feedback is really getting to her.

Our DD has always refused therapy so she’s starting college in a couple weeks with social anxiety. Hoping she’ll be okay.

We got our DD therapy and antianxiety medication. She has progressed a lot Senior year to now two weeks before college. She wants to continue therapy + meds for this first year.

Well is she anxious or just shy. If she has true anxiety, then yes go therapy and maybe a light does of med. Or you can go the natural route and try asha or calming gummies too

How about a social skills group moderated by a therapist. There are tons around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has worked for your child? Dd is 17, tried Cbt and it was not helpful. She really puts herself out there, plays sports, is club president… but she says people constantly identify her as shy, introverted, say so behind her back…she has three friends, but two are through her brother and the other not such a good friend. I so wish I could help her more with this, she says she wishes she could make more friends but nothing is working. Did you go the psychiatry route or did something else help?

Anti-anxiety meds actually helped us senior year of high school and freshmen year of college.

It’s a good idea to check this out. Too many college students with social anxiety use alcohol to relax in social situations.

Anonymous wrote:What has worked for your child? Dd is 17, tried Cbt and it was not helpful. She really puts herself out there, plays sports, is club president… but she says people constantly identify her as shy, introverted, say so behind her back…she has three friends, but two are through her brother and the other not such a good friend. I so wish I could help her more with this, she says she wishes she could make more friends but nothing is working. Did you go the psychiatry route or did something else help?

Anti-anxiety meds actually helped us senior year of high school and freshmen year of college.

What has worked for your child? Dd is 17, tried Cbt and it was not helpful. She really puts herself out there, plays sports, is club president… but she says people constantly identify her as shy, introverted, say so behind her back…she has three friends, but two are through her brother and the other not such a good friend. I so wish I could help her more with this, she says she wishes she could make more friends but nothing is working. Did you go the psychiatry route or did something else help?