It’s very difficult, draining and depressing. We are getting close to this stage with my mom
and she has no money for memory care.

It's very difficult but it helps to be ready for these accidents. I keep a lined trash can by the toilet, baby wipes, a box of nitrile disposable gloves, and a canister of handwipes. I also have a package of women's disposable underwear in a cabinet. Everything goes in the lined trash except the toilet paper and feces. I also have lysol wipes for the floor and toilet. Sometimes I just take her to the shower if it's too much to wipe off. You need to start looking for in-home help or a place that provides memory care.

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a toilet that flushes automatically? What about a remote control toilet, do they make those? You can flush from afar. You hear the plop and bawoooosh.

If you haven’t been through this, maybe just stay out.

OP here. Thank you for your suggestions and support. We knew these kinds of episodes were bound to take place at some point, but it is still shocking.

I was in the bathroom with her. I wash her “areas” every night before she goes to bed. This time as she was having a bowel movement, let’s say, “not everything was landing”, so she used her hand to nudge it. I was focused on making sure the water temperature was adequate to wash her up. Then she showed me her hand, and I had to control myself. We had a talk about always using toilet paper, but it just felt like I was talking to my kids when they were toddlers. I assume this will not be the first time something like this happens, so I guess, I just have to be mentally prepared.

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. Memory care would be cheaper than health care aides at home.

Probably not cheaper than aides part of the day + living with her daughter though. Cheaper than 24/7 aides

I'm sorry OP. You are doing the right thing looking into Memory Care. People have some great ideas and suggestions here, but the problem is, even if you solve this issue a deluge of other issues may be coming your way. Some are not gross, but you have to gently help like your parent wanting wanting to wear 6 layers of clothes on a hot day others can be more upsetting like the parent confuses the laundry room for the bathroom and your child goes in to do laundry or one friend even had a very conservative mom decide walking around nude was great idea and she was angry when the kids said something and then quickly got away.

OP, was it just an accident wiping, or did your mom purposely stick her hand there?

If it's the latter, she may be constipated and was trying to remove blockage. Especially if she's on meds which may cause it.

Maybe a suppository would help...

The inflection points are so hard. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm an only child too, it's a lot of pressure. Please be gentle with yourself.

I am sorry. It is good of you to have been talking care of her this time. I hope there have been some good moments for you.

You might try a handicap toilet seat on top of the toilet. This would increase the distance between the top of the seat and the water/matter in the bowl. Thus making it harder to reach- something like this:

So sorry. Memory care would be cheaper than health care aides at home.

Can you get a toilet that flushes automatically? What about a remote control toilet, do they make those? You can flush from afar. You hear the plop and bawoooosh.

So sorry. This is really hard.

My 87 yr old mothet has alzheimer, and today was THE DAY! It was first time she stuck her had in her “stuff” while on the toilet. This probably is TMI, but I am sure many of you have had to deal with these issues with your LOs. I just came here to vent. We are looking into memory care facilities, but are also trying to nake sure she doesn’t run out of money.
She’s been with us for 3.5 years, and I am her only child. Sorry, just had to vent somewhere.