Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably afforded a very comfortable life as a result of your husband being a partner at Big Law. lots of people work just as hard or harder and don't have a fraction to show for it as your husband. He can move inhouse and take a pay cut which I'm sure you don't want him to do.

OP - Well sure he makes a lot of money but I don't think the stress is worth it. I would be FINE with him leaving for an in house job. He seems to think most in house jobs doing what he does has the same amount of stress for less money so he might as well stay in big law.

I work full time as well, make 6 figures. On top of that I am the default parent 99% of the time to 3 young kids and keep our house together (bills, maintenance, laundry, food, etc).

In most cases, this isn’t true. He will almost certainly have better QOL in a different job. The one thing I’d say is those who thrive in big law tend to be workaholics so he might not be able to relax in a less stressful job which is a different issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably afforded a very comfortable life as a result of your husband being a partner at Big Law. lots of people work just as hard or harder and don't have a fraction to show for it as your husband. He can move inhouse and take a pay cut which I'm sure you don't want him to do.

OP - Well sure he makes a lot of money but I don't think the stress is worth it. I would be FINE with him leaving for an in house job. He seems to think most in house jobs doing what he does has the same amount of stress for less money so he might as well stay in big law.

I work full time as well, make 6 figures. On top of that I am the default parent 99% of the time to 3 young kids and keep our house together (bills, maintenance, laundry, food, etc).

Nope. He just likes the prestige and money, and avoiding child care and household maintenance.

You aren't really venting about Big Law; you are venting about your DH.

Anonymous wrote:Will it ever change? Why is everything an emergency? Why do documents get dumped at 8:00pm on a Friday for a Monday turn around? Why can't companies realize that lawyers have lives and are not robots? My DH has been in big law since he graduated undergrad as both a paralegal, associate, counsel and partner. It is never ending. They are freaking curing cancer or saving lives. They are writing briefs and helping companies make more more or keep their money. Why is it always an emergency that must be dealt with right away?

Also how do they get rid of the billable hour? It is unbearable.

You can have a different life, just one with less income.

Until then your vents are first-world problems for which no one gives a shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably afforded a very comfortable life as a result of your husband being a partner at Big Law. lots of people work just as hard or harder and don't have a fraction to show for it as your husband. He can move inhouse and take a pay cut which I'm sure you don't want him to do.

OP - Well sure he makes a lot of money but I don't think the stress is worth it. I would be FINE with him leaving for an in house job. He seems to think most in house jobs doing what he does has the same amount of stress for less money so he might as well stay in big law.

I work full time as well, make 6 figures. On top of that I am the default parent 99% of the time to 3 young kids and keep our house together (bills, maintenance, laundry, food, etc).

That sucks OP. In your shoes I’d probably insist on staying home til all the kids are well into elementary (but keeping nanny/cleaner) and a good post-nup.

I'm an in house client at a big company and try very hard to treat external counsel as fairly as possible but things do come up on Fridays and sometimes they do need to get resolved by Monday. They're often worth millions to a billion plus dollars and business critical. I've been around enough that I don't invent emergencies, nor do I have extra budget to invent work that doesn't have to be done.

Often the pressure in BigLaw isn't an unreasonable client but an unreasonable partner who doesn't delegate in a timely way or multiple clients who have unexpected issues the same week or just chronic understaffing by the firm to increase profit.

Anonymous wrote:I think it has changed a lot in the last 15 years. I find that my firm has become exponentially more flexible and family friendly. That's not to say there aren't deadlines all the time but people's ability to set boundaries has definitely changed.

They had to do this to have any minimal chance of retaining women but even “flexibile and family friendly” is impossible for most moms in Biglaw. The exception would be if they are legitimately allowing part-time work?

You could change it but then you would make a lot less. Clients don't expect you to work on nights and weekends and do everything very fast but also perfectly because they think their corporate legal issue is as important as curing cancer. They demand those things because they are paying astronomical fees for your services and when someone charges you a huge amount for their work you get very demanding.

If your DH is a big law lifer who is now a partner then those fees paid for your house and your kids and probably private school and nice vacations and will fund a very pleasant retirement and pay for your kids to attend good schools at full pay and so on. Would you give any of that up for your husband to be home at 6pm and be able to get through a weekend or a family vacation without a client call?

If the answer is no (and it probably is) then you are a major reason why Big Law will never change.

You’re going to get flamed but it’s a good question. Escalating Billable hours and endless nights/weekends/vacations working were not always how it worked at Biglaw. To a certain extent people can draw their own boundaries but that’s not going to solve the overall issue of overwork. If you want a different culture you’re going to have to leave Biglaw (and likely make less money).

Another thing is that top lawschool grads are often very uncreative, hierarchical, conventional and risk adverse. They cannot see any path other than the Biglaw firm. So those characteristics produce an environment where everyone feels they need to bow and scrape and prove themselves by making people above them happy.

Those few Biglaw associates who are more entrepreneurial and creative will get out quickly and go into business or in house for something more interesting. I know one who only made it a year in Biglaw and then left to start his own business and is now very rich and works normal-ish hours. Another who joined a really interesting and high profile trafe association instead of going for partner (which he likely would have made).

Anonymous wrote:You are probably afforded a very comfortable life as a result of your husband being a partner at Big Law. lots of people work just as hard or harder and don't have a fraction to show for it as your husband. He can move inhouse and take a pay cut which I'm sure you don't want him to do.

OP - Well sure he makes a lot of money but I don't think the stress is worth it. I would be FINE with him leaving for an in house job. He seems to think most in house jobs doing what he does has the same amount of stress for less money so he might as well stay in big law.

I work full time as well, make 6 figures. On top of that I am the default parent 99% of the time to 3 young kids and keep our house together (bills, maintenance, laundry, food, etc).

In house often sucks. Your client is right there watching you and you have jo freedom. The grass is brown all around.

You are probably afforded a very comfortable life as a result of your husband being a partner at Big Law. lots of people work just as hard or harder and don't have a fraction to show for it as your husband. He can move inhouse and take a pay cut which I'm sure you don't want him to do.

I think it has changed a lot in the last 15 years. I find that my firm has become exponentially more flexible and family friendly. That's not to say there aren't deadlines all the time but people's ability to set boundaries has definitely changed.

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing you just want to vent. There is no changing BigLaw. Clients pay huge money to use them, and as such expect top tier and rapid service. If your spouse can't take it then he needs to get out.

OP here - yes it is a vent. And DH has been doing this a LONG time and is still chugging along. He is a partner at a large law firm. It is just frustrating that there is ALWAYS a stupid emergency that seems like a non-emergency that has to be taken care of now.

I am guessing you just want to vent. There is no changing BigLaw. Clients pay huge money to use them, and as such expect top tier and rapid service. If your spouse can't take it then he needs to get out.

Will it ever change? Why is everything an emergency? Why do documents get dumped at 8:00pm on a Friday for a Monday turn around? Why can't companies realize that lawyers have lives and are not robots? My DH has been in big law since he graduated undergrad as both a paralegal, associate, counsel and partner. It is never ending. They are freaking curing cancer or saving lives. They are writing briefs and helping companies make more more or keep their money. Why is it always an emergency that must be dealt with right away?

Also how do they get rid of the billable hour? It is unbearable.