Anonymous wrote:Your adult kids should be visiting her once a year. A weekend is fine.

As my grandparents aged we started flying (2 hours) or driving (10 hours) to visit them rather than making them schlep out to us. All the adult grandkids who didn't live local to them did this. Yes, on occasion they would still visit, like Thanksgiving; but they really valued having us come out to them so they could show us off to friends or whatever. And they had less energy overall so they would be able to travel a few times a year, but wanted to go to places they really enjoyed, not places that were boring but for containing their adult grandchildren. Nothing wrong with that.

We live 3k miles away. IT would have to be more than a weekend.
I guess the weird thing is that she visits my sister, not me.

Your kids are adults. It is super strange you are just figuring out that your mom isn’t that involved. There is nothing to tell her. You aren’t going to change her:

Your adult kids should be visiting her once a year. A weekend is fine.

As my grandparents aged we started flying (2 hours) or driving (10 hours) to visit them rather than making them schlep out to us. All the adult grandkids who didn't live local to them did this. Yes, on occasion they would still visit, like Thanksgiving; but they really valued having us come out to them so they could show us off to friends or whatever. And they had less energy overall so they would be able to travel a few times a year, but wanted to go to places they really enjoyed, not places that were boring but for containing their adult grandchildren. Nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:“You would spend time with your grandkids. But if that’s not of interest to you, perhaps we shouldn’t visit you. Something to think about.”

The first part of that is fine. The second is puerile and petulant.

Anonymous wrote:Give her a list of things to do in your area.

Likely your adult children work so seeing her grandkids isn’t going to keep her busy.

Some people (I have them in my family) can’t do nothing. They can’t just sit or nap all day. They need to be moving and doing activities.

If hiking is typically how she fills her time, give her a lot of active alternatives.

The mom was being passive aggressive. She doesn’t really want to know what activities are available in the area.

Also, maybe OP doesn’t make mom
Feel welcome or like a guest at her home.

Anonymous wrote:Go on a nice family vacation to a nice place together.

This.

Give her a list of things to do in your area.

Likely your adult children work so seeing her grandkids isn’t going to keep her busy.

Some people (I have them in my family) can’t do nothing. They can’t just sit or nap all day. They need to be moving and doing activities.

If hiking is typically how she fills her time, give her a lot of active alternatives.

Go on a nice family vacation to a nice place together.

Tell her she can be a B there just like at home.

“You would spend time with your grandkids. But if that’s not of interest to you, perhaps we shouldn’t visit you. Something to think about.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if the answer to "What would I do there?" Is not "See my grandkids" there's really nothing you can do.

She's chosen what she wants.

True, but I don't really want to be around someone who makes that choice. I'm stepping back, and telling her why.

I mean, surely you know this about your mom. Your kids are grown so your mom must be at least in her 70s.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if the answer to "What would I do there?" Is not "See my grandkids" there's really nothing you can do.

She's chosen what she wants.

True, but I don't really want to be around someone who makes that choice. I'm stepping back, and telling her why.

I mean, if the answer to "What would I do there?" Is not "See my grandkids" there's really nothing you can do.

She's chosen what she wants.

This seems to be a big overreaction

I visited my mom in the western state (very rugged and outdoorsy) where I grew up. We had a good time.
While I was there I asked why she never visits us - she visits my other sister in Montana and hikes there and in the state where she lives. She said, "what would I do there?" I live in a flat midwestern state where of course people can take walks, but there's barely a hill here. Land is covered with crops. But, there are many things to do here that don't involve hiking.
My adult children are here and haven't seen their grandmother since we went to visit her and vacation about 4 years ago.
She travels to see my sister a couple times a year. Sister has two teenagers.
I want to tell her how hurtful her comment is. I cannot imagine being this kind of person.