Anonymous wrote:Would you advise your adult child against leaving their hometown, family, friends and job to join a GF they love to live in a high cost of living area on West coast?

He can get a job there at similar level and income but with higher costs, it would be like a large pay cut. She got a research training job there and has some family nearby. She could've taken the job here for almost similar level program but didn't.

Should you support or oppose?

If your son is ambitious, he can do very well in a HCOL city. There will be way more opportunities.

Anonymous wrote:Would you advise your adult child against leaving their hometown, family, friends and job to join a GF they love to live in a high cost of living area on West coast?

He can get a job there at similar level and income but with higher costs, it would be like a large pay cut. She got a research training job there and has some family nearby. She could've taken the job here for almost similar level program but didn't.

Should you support or oppose?

Support your kid. Relationships are important, don’t interfere if he’s in love.

Anonymous wrote:I think my DD may be dating your son. And she thinks you suck.

OP here- I posted as I was actually trying to understand why my colleague is so worried about his son. Me,I would be happy if they are committed to each other and supporting each other even when sacrificing some personal interests is required.

I would sooner offer to subsidize rent than I would try to discourage him (although I wouldn’t do that either)

I think my DD may be dating your son. And she thinks you suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be excited for them. If you can cut it in a HCOL area it's a confidence builder. It's good for young people to do stuff like this.

+1
I wish I’d done this when I was younger (I had a job offer in NYC) instead of making the safe choice to accept the job near my parents.

Yup, exactly.

OP, it's cliché, but if you love him you need to let go. Be thrilled for him if he thrives, be there for him if it doesn't work out.

Anonymous wrote:I would be excited for them. If you can cut it in a HCOL area it's a confidence builder. It's good for young people to do stuff like this.

+1
I wish I’d done this when I was younger (I had a job offer in NYC) instead of making the safe choice to accept the job near my parents.

I would be excited for them. If you can cut it in a HCOL area it's a confidence builder. It's good for young people to do stuff like this.

My kid's gf is in nyc, and he's thinking of moving there after graduation. He's aware of how much it costs there. We talked about how expensive it is and how hcol will eat into your higher income, but I would never "advise" him on not moving there. That's ultimately his choice. As long as he has all the facts, I trust that he will be able to make good judgement calls.

As parents to *adult* children, we provide the information they need to make good choices.

Now, if it was moving to Ukraine or Russia, for example, heck yea, I'd advise against it.

Also, I'm originally from the west coast.

Most young adults want some adventure and variety…he might want to do it both for the GF and the fact that he hasn’t had much excitement to date.

Don’t get involved.

I would not get involved in my adult child's romantic relationship, finances, or perfectly normal life choices at all. As long as he can still support himself, what's the big deal?

Anonymous wrote:Not your decision. Your child is an adult, your jiob is to love and support them.

Ok to say, "we wish you weren't moving so far and it may be tough with the high COL, but we love you and will visit, and hope you will come home to visit us."

This. I made a similar move to follow my college boyfriend back in my early 20s. We eventually broke up but I stayed out there for another 10 years before eventually moving home.

If my family had tried to stop me I might have stayed longer, but I’m stubborn like that, lol.

MYOB

Not your decision. Your child is an adult, your jiob is to love and support them.

Ok to say, "we wish you weren't moving so far and it may be tough with the high COL, but we love you and will visit, and hope you will come home to visit us."

Would you advise your adult child against leaving their hometown, family, friends and job to join a GF they love to live in a high cost of living area on West coast?

He can get a job there at similar level and income but with higher costs, it would be like a large pay cut. She got a research training job there and has some family nearby. She could've taken the job here for almost similar level program but didn't.

Should you support or oppose?