Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:41     Subject: Re:The One That Got Away Passed Away
yeah, no.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:39     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
OP here. Thanks all for setting me straight. Didn’t consider that it would be inappropriate to contact partner. I have no way to do that anyway.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:39     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Congrats to him for getting away!
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:37     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Anonymous wrote:Long story short - he was the love of my life and without a doubt 'the one,' but I couldn't be with him because of so, so many circumstances. I was young (20-ish) when we met and we had a whirlwind but enduring romance for the few years it lasted. I am decades older now. Found out recently that he passed away some months ago. The death notice indicates a partner by first name only. I want reach out to thank her for loving him and to share with her that we have a common bond. Have no clue if this is even possible given only a first name at a great distance away with virtually no internet footprint. I am heartbroken. But I don't understand why. For someone who hasn't been in my life in many, many, many years? Mourning what I secretly hoped could have been? For the possibility that one day our paths may have again crossed? Because it drives home the realization that time is short? Because he really was the one that got away? I am surprised at my reaction and cannot lift the funk this news has left me in. Can anyone relate or have words of wisdom to share?


“To thank her for…”
No no no…
This isn’t about you, dear one.
She is grieving the loss of her soul mate and life partner.
You are grieving your own loss of what could have been….but wasn’t—all over again.
But it isnt a shared bond.

I’m sorry for your feelings of loss, but to insert yourself into her grief out of some delusion that you are both experiencing this in the same way is just too narcissistic for words. Please just play a sad song and cry and journal about it, but do not approach his widow with a story about how grateful you are that she loved your man when you couldn’t. Just….no.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:30     Subject: Re:The One That Got Away Passed Away
Hugs, OP. Maybe in the next life.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:27     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
It's fine to reach out and say that you were an old friend who wanted to share your condolences, but not that you were an ex, and definitely not that he was the love of your life.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:25     Subject: Re:The One That Got Away Passed Away
My first real love passed away three years ago and the last thing I would have done is reach out to the surviving spouse. I grieved on my own and did not want to add to someone else’s grief.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:21     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My condolences, OP. Please do not contact this other person, but please do take the time to grieve, and take care of yourself.


+1

DO NOT reach out to the grieving partner. Just don’t. That would be selfish of you.


+2 I'm sorry, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:18     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Anonymous wrote:My condolences, OP. Please do not contact this other person, but please do take the time to grieve, and take care of yourself.


+1

DO NOT reach out to the grieving partner. Just don’t. That would be selfish of you.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:08     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
My condolences, OP. Please do not contact this other person, but please do take the time to grieve, and take care of yourself.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:05     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Leave his partner to his or her own grief. Are you married? Maybe focus your energy on the living.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 17:00     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
You’re grieving and that’s understandable. Sit with the grief and work your way through it. If have old letters or pictures, look through them and remember the person. Grief really is something you have to feel to get to the other side.

That said, don’t reach out to his partner. You’re trying to get to him, but he’s not there anymore. She has her own grief to work through, and as important as the relationship was to you, it doesn’t have the same meaning to her.

If you have a friend who knew you when you were dating him, reach out to them and talk things through. That would be a more appropriate point of contact.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 16:59     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Ffs, you do not have “a common bond.”

Mind your business and leave this poor person alone in their time of grief. They don’t need your selfishness right now. Or ever.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 16:55     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
No. she does not want to hear from an ex-lover.
Anonymous
Post 07/22/2024 16:50     Subject: The One That Got Away Passed Away
Long story short - he was the love of my life and without a doubt 'the one,' but I couldn't be with him because of so, so many circumstances. I was young (20-ish) when we met and we had a whirlwind but enduring romance for the few years it lasted. I am decades older now. Found out recently that he passed away some months ago. The death notice indicates a partner by first name only. I want reach out to thank her for loving him and to share with her that we have a common bond. Have no clue if this is even possible given only a first name at a great distance away with virtually no internet footprint. I am heartbroken. But I don't understand why. For someone who hasn't been in my life in many, many, many years? Mourning what I secretly hoped could have been? For the possibility that one day our paths may have again crossed? Because it drives home the realization that time is short? Because he really was the one that got away? I am surprised at my reaction and cannot lift the funk this news has left me in. Can anyone relate or have words of wisdom to share?