You're approaching it wrong. Just say "Mom, we've rented a house in ____ location from August 2-5. Would you and Dad like to come visit us there?"

When you're paying you decide where. The only exception is if they're physically handicapped you need to make sure there are ramps, elevators, rails in the bathroom next to the toilet and in the shower, etc.

If you vacation with someone then you have to take everyone's viewpoints into account or at least acknowledge what the other side is saying. Even if there is no middle ground and your plan is objectively better, you still have to "sell it to them".

OP is dismissive over every single choice of theirs, including the fact that they're not entirely comfortable with OP paying for everything, and would maybe prefer a little less house (and at least some say in things).

I wouldn’t continue with this. It will only get worse. Trust me. Btdt

HHI is not a good place for a beach vacation. Not a good place for any vacation in my estimation but my ILs have a real thing for it. The only good vacays we’ve had there is when we stayed at Surfwatch which has access to the beach for early morning strolls and “aw look a dolphin” but then has a very nice pool. It is expensive. But the pool is key. That’s how you’ll get a good HHI vacay with a kid - find a place with a nice pool. Surf watch typically would not qualify for your parents “cheapest in class” requirements and I think your long term solution is to make your own reservations or avoid vacationing with them… might have to just bite the bullet here - the good news is that your baby won’t remember and can’t tell if they’re at the beach or sitting in a closet, so just go with the flow this time and find a different flow next time.

Anonymous wrote:I would push for booking separate accommodations. You book where you want for 4 days and they can choose where they want to stay and for how long.

Yup. Book the house if you really want a beach vacation. Ignore your mom’s bellyaching.

She can’t fathom you can cover the cost. Or she’s self-conscious.
Or jealous.
Or anxious.
Or she’s selfish and doesn’t care about your family’s needs.

You are NOT being unreasonable, OP, your mother sounds like a nightmare. Tell both your parents (messages can get lost in translation) that you're not wasting precious vacation time living somewhere that's not comfortable or easily accessible to the beach, and that since you're ready to pay for that privilege, you can either just decide to rent something for your own family, and let them arrange their own accommodations; or cancel this trip and travel elsewhere.

Your mother sounds very insecure about your income. She has to come to grips with it at some point.

You’re paying? Then you book, and extend the invite afterwords. “We rented a house in Hilton head! There is an extra master bedroom and we would love for you to come, if you want to. Here are the dates!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm this seems obvious that you should not be planning a vacation with them. You won't enjoy it

+1
Don't do it do yourself, OP.

+2 unless you and your spouse have infinite amounts of money and time off why would you waste either like this?

I would push for booking separate accommodations. You book where you want for 4 days and they can choose where they want to stay and for how long.

"Mom, we decided to make this a vacation with immediate family and booked ourselves a house for the week. You are invited to come stay with us from Wed through Saturday."

Just tell your mom that your plans have changed.

No. At this point I'd just say, mom, we clearly have very different vacation needs. With a baby, we need a nice place near the beach to make everything easier. You think that's wasteful. We should not spend money and time off work on something that cause us stress. So let's scrap this trip and try again later.

She's prideful and controlling. Not a good combo.

Anonymous wrote:Ummm this seems obvious that you should not be planning a vacation with them. You won't enjoy it

+1
Don't do it do yourself, OP.

Ummm this seems obvious that you should not be planning a vacation with them. You won't enjoy it

We are 31 and 32 with a 6mo old. We suggested a beach trip with my parents and offered to cover the costs. They have fond memories of Hilton Head when we were younger so that's what we were planning to go. The issues:

1. We are fine covering the ~$7k for a modern house, with an extra bedroom for the baby, near the beach, in a quiet neighborhood. We can easily afford it which I think they know but they refuse to let us pay. I assume out of ego or pride.

2. They would prefer cheapest accommodations possible. Imagine a normal 2BR rental unit that's a bike ride or long walk (15-20+ min) to the beach. The rentals in their price range closer to the beach are older and run-down.

3. My mom has a bit of a contrarian streak towards me. Every place I send has something wrong with it. I think this bothers me more because I have a somewhat lazy/underachieving sibling with the "golden child who can do no wrong" dynamic. Examples:

The beach there is not nice at all! Ok, but we stayed there 2 years ago and you didn't mention it?

You're not only insisting on getting a house, right? We only need 2 bedrooms. Any more is wasteful.

I don't want to sound like a snob but after she rejects my suggestions which are objectively nice houses close to the beach (that again, we are politely offering to cover) the places she sends are basically all dumpy condos that are either far away from the beach or in a high-rise where even the marketing materials show the beach as being super crowded.

4. They are insisting on a week. Spouse and I both agree this is too much, they can become difficult and repetitive after a couple days. Even when we say 4 days max they have and will continue to dwell on it.

Just planning it makes me want to pull the plug on the whole thing. Am I being unreasonable?