I only use social media for activism/fundraising and that is the only reason I’m on. I don’t really see personal posts anymore because I’ve curated things in such a way that I don’t- but when I do see personal posts, most are obnoxious and braggy AF. I think you have to decide what purpose social media serves for you (if any) and try to curate it to more of that purpose if you decide to stick with it.

Anonymous wrote:How are you a grown adult only just reaching this realization?

This

I wouldn't know, OP, I'm not on FB, Insta, or any of those things.

But like PP said, I love DCUM. There is very useful raw honesty here, and I've learned a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t even realize the effect it was having on me.I consider myself a reasonable and educated woman but I always feel bad about myself and my life when I’m on social media. Every image I see is curated to project an aspirational life, whether it’s from the influencers or everyone else who is pretending to be an influencer.

It’s always more more more. Buy this, go here. Look at my 10 step beauty routine. Look at my perfect kitchen. Look at my 5 international trips a year. It’s become this bragging book of the rich and the wannabes.

Meanwhile my ordinary life looks pale in comparison. Instead of enjoying and being thankful for my life I’m constantly being asked to upgrade and over consume.

I’d like to just stop engaging with social media.

Very real and well documented phenomena.

The only people posting horrible life-events on social media are either mentally ill and don’t realize the issues in doing so.. or they’re just very socially inept.

It’s like a constant barrage of the obnoxious braggy Christmas cards some people send out. You might mention a death, but you’re not going to mention the hard day-to-day issues like

“Larla is still dealing with that dang drug addiction!—sent her to rehab three times this year but now she’s in jail for stealing a car an assaulting someone!”

“Meanwhile Larlo won’t ever leave his room and is addicted to video games to the point he’s failing all of his classes his Junior year!”

It’s all very curated.

This is true but I'd like to point out that people also omit a lot of stuff that isn't majorly embarassing or miserable but WOULD actually be relatable and give people things to connect over. Without being super negative.

Like I have known people who have posted honestly about stuff like struggling with aspects of parenting or work or whatever. I like when people do this and when I used to be on social media more I also did this some in a limited amount. I think there is great potential for social media to be a place where you could share honestly and it could bring people together and for it not to just be a place to brag about the best things in your life and leave out everything else like you're a celebrity on a promotional tour.

The celebrity promotion approach has won out though and for the most part I think people are less real on social media than they once were. I quite Facebook and Twitter and now just follow a handful of Instagram accounts that I think are balanced (not influencers but some people who post about issues I'm interested in like maternal mental health and weight lifting).

One thing I like about DCUm is that the anonymous posting seems to free people to be more honest which means also being more realistic and willing to discuss the bad with the good. Some people on here still insist that they have it all figured out and their life is the best life but I just ignore them. There are more people being real and honest on here than on non-anonymous social media in my opinion.

Sounds like social media is not for you. Delete your account.

On Instagram all the recipes look so simple and tasty and in real life it doesn't usually turn out that way for me.

Anonymous wrote:You can quit at any time you want.

My brother and his wife, and their two kids just got back from Europe. I saw picture after picture of happy, cute kids doing various things throughout four cities in four different countries. Everyone was always smiling and adorable. But I know my 3 yr old nephew was having a hell of a time sleeping and staying in bed each night, driving the rest of them nuts. Part of the social media is that they aren't going to embarrass (future) him and air his poor behavior, and part is that they keep focusing on the positives. Honestly, I respect this - I was the bad kid growing up and my parents relentlessly focused on my bad behavior and constantly told other people about it and brought it up even years after it had passed.

Exactly, people post the nice stuff but 100% of the time there’s so much stuff they’re not mentioning that while also is completely relatable—would be embarrassing to their kids now/in the future, or would just be in poor taste. Like I just said—you’re not writing on the Christmas card how Larlo is making your probably close-to-or-more-than $10k European vacation miserable.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t even realize the effect it was having on me.I consider myself a reasonable and educated woman but I always feel bad about myself and my life when I’m on social media. Every image I see is curated to project an aspirational life, whether it’s from the influencers or everyone else who is pretending to be an influencer.

It’s always more more more. Buy this, go here. Look at my 10 step beauty routine. Look at my perfect kitchen. Look at my 5 international trips a year. It’s become this bragging book of the rich and the wannabes.

Meanwhile my ordinary life looks pale in comparison. Instead of enjoying and being thankful for my life I’m constantly being asked to upgrade and over consume.

I’d like to just stop engaging with social media.

Very real and well documented phenomena.

The only people posting horrible life-events on social media are either mentally ill and don’t realize the issues in doing so.. or they’re just very socially inept.

It’s like a constant barrage of the obnoxious braggy Christmas cards some people send out. You might mention a death, but you’re not going to mention the hard day-to-day issues like

“Larla is still dealing with that dang drug addiction!—sent her to rehab three times this year but now she’s in jail for stealing a car an assaulting someone!”

“Meanwhile Larlo won’t ever leave his room and is addicted to video games to the point he’s failing all of his classes his Junior year!”

It’s all very curated.

How are you a grown adult only just reaching this realization?

You can quit at any time you want.

My brother and his wife, and their two kids just got back from Europe. I saw picture after picture of happy, cute kids doing various things throughout four cities in four different countries. Everyone was always smiling and adorable. But I know my 3 yr old nephew was having a hell of a time sleeping and staying in bed each night, driving the rest of them nuts. Part of the social media is that they aren't going to embarrass (future) him and air his poor behavior, and part is that they keep focusing on the positives. Honestly, I respect this - I was the bad kid growing up and my parents relentlessly focused on my bad behavior and constantly told other people about it and brought it up even years after it had passed.

Yup, everything looks so perfect on social media.

Perfect husbands who buy their wives flowers 💐 for no special occasion, or even better……those that gift them designer handbags for their birthdays + anniversaries!

Beautiful, model looking kids who graduate 👨🏻‍🎓 from prestigious colleges….err….universities cum laude. ✨

And beautiful, designer homes, new fancy cars as well as vacations to destinations I can only see in my dreams!!?

How can I even compare to that sort of life….??!
I always have to keep in mind that filters allow people’s skin to appear flawless & glowing and their waistlines below 25’.
And that of course people will brag to the world how perfect their lives have turned out.

Because these people are the ones who are hiding a lot under their accolades online.

Those that are genuinely doing great do not need to broadcast it.

Anonymous wrote:Yup.

At best you find yourself caring about a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter from people you don’t know. Worst case it’s terribly toxic. You can tell yourself that it’s not real but it’s very hard to turn away from. The best thing I’ve done is take it off my phone.

I’d love to see real images from friends and family. Photos of birthday parties, graduations, vacations and life updates. But this glamorous overconsumption where everyone is selling you something is so insidious and toxic! This constant push to make you “upgrade” your life. Everyone is trying to make a buck off of you!

Yup.

At best you find yourself caring about a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter from people you don’t know. Worst case it’s terribly toxic. You can tell yourself that it’s not real but it’s very hard to turn away from. The best thing I’ve done is take it off my phone.

You’re not wrong!

I didn’t even realize the effect it was having on me.I consider myself a reasonable and educated woman but I always feel bad about myself and my life when I’m on social media. Every image I see is curated to project an aspirational life, whether it’s from the influencers or everyone else who is pretending to be an influencer.

It’s always more more more. Buy this, go here. Look at my 10 step beauty routine. Look at my perfect kitchen. Look at my 5 international trips a year. It’s become this bragging book of the rich and the wannabes.

Meanwhile my ordinary life looks pale in comparison. Instead of enjoying and being thankful for my life I’m constantly being asked to upgrade and over consume.

I’d like to just stop engaging with social media.