Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are trying to save up to pay for our daughter’s college, but lately, my mother has been making this very difficult. She keeps asking for money because she didn’t save properly for retirement. I wouldn’t have a problem helping if I didn’t have my own family to support. Our daughter gets bad grades and isn’t involved in athletics or any other extracurricular activities, so no college is going to give her a scholarship and my mother knows this. Some grandparents add to their grandchild’s college fund; we’re just asking her not to take from her grandchild’s college fund.

Troll

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are trying to save up to pay for our daughter’s college, but lately, my mother has been making this very difficult. She keeps asking for money because she didn’t save properly for retirement. I wouldn’t have a problem helping if I didn’t have my own family to support. Our daughter gets bad grades and isn’t involved in athletics or any other extracurricular activities, so no college is going to give her a scholarship and my mother knows this. Some grandparents add to their grandchild’s college fund; we’re just asking her not to take from her grandchild’s college fund.

You very deliberately say "her grandchild"...yeah, the young woman is "your daughter", you and your husband's responsibility.

I never said my daughter was my mother's responsibility. All I'm saying is that if my mother is going to have an effect on my daughter's life, it should be a positive one. Right now, our daughter would be better off without her grandmother's interference. My mother has an obligation not to meddle in her granddaughter's life in the same way I have an obligation not to meddle in your(a complete stranger's) life.

So who is stopping you from saying no to your mom? You seem to be the problem here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are trying to save up to pay for our daughter’s college, but lately, my mother has been making this very difficult. She keeps asking for money because she didn’t save properly for retirement. I wouldn’t have a problem helping if I didn’t have my own family to support. Our daughter gets bad grades and isn’t involved in athletics or any other extracurricular activities, so no college is going to give her a scholarship and my mother knows this. Some grandparents add to their grandchild’s college fund; we’re just asking her not to take from her grandchild’s college fund.

You very deliberately say "her grandchild"...yeah, the young woman is "your daughter", you and your husband's responsibility.

I never said my daughter was my mother's responsibility. All I'm saying is that if my mother is going to have an effect on my daughter's life, it should be a positive one. Right now, our daughter would be better off without her grandmother's interference. My mother has an obligation not to meddle in her granddaughter's life in the same way I have an obligation not to meddle in your(a complete stranger's) life.

Say no!

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult. Say no.

This

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult. Say no.

+1.
But also have higher expectations of your daughter. What does she do with all her time?

I mean, how stupid are you. A woman who didn't plan for her own old age is seriously going to grasp how expensive college is these days and then put a kid's needs before hers?

Wake up. YOU need to be the enforcer here. Yes, your mother is going to be angry. Deal with it.

I apologize for being harsh, but stop being a loser. It's bad enough you're enabling your grasping mother, but you have a kid who you're apparently not helping. Where are the tutors, the coaching, the parental help? Did you imagine that kids could be left to their devices and do well? Only a minuscule minority do well in those circumstances. The college landscape asks for much more than it did a generation ago. Every single teen I know has tutors, either remedial, or for getting ahead, mine included, and they all have very involved parents.

Also, look to your own retirement. This should be your number one priority. Then college (because she can always go to community college or a state-funded institution). Then, if you have anything left over after vacations, you can help your mother.

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are trying to save up to pay for our daughter’s college, but lately, my mother has been making this very difficult. She keeps asking for money because she didn’t save properly for retirement. I wouldn’t have a problem helping if I didn’t have my own family to support. Our daughter gets bad grades and isn’t involved in athletics or any other extracurricular activities, so no college is going to give her a scholarship and my mother knows this. Some grandparents add to their grandchild’s college fund; we’re just asking her not to take from her grandchild’s college fund.

You very deliberately say "her grandchild"...yeah, the young woman is "your daughter", you and your husband's responsibility.

cut grandma off or cut daughter off. decide which is more important.

Unless she has a way of getting into the college fund directly, you can just say no.

You must say no. It is reasonable and right to choose your daughter over your mother.

Your mother won’t like it but that is her problem not yours.

Maybe your daughter isn’t made for college? Ask grandma to tutor her if you can’t.

She’s not taking it, you’re giving it.

You are an adult. Say no.

My wife and I are trying to save up to pay for our daughter’s college, but lately, my mother has been making this very difficult. She keeps asking for money because she didn’t save properly for retirement. I wouldn’t have a problem helping if I didn’t have my own family to support. Our daughter gets bad grades and isn’t involved in athletics or any other extracurricular activities, so no college is going to give her a scholarship and my mother knows this. Some grandparents add to their grandchild’s college fund; we’re just asking her not to take from her grandchild’s college fund.