Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m staying even though my wife had an affair. Finances aren’t an issue, everything is separate. But I do care for her and am trying to forgive.

❤️ I wish you the absolute best.

I used to think I would kick DH to the curb if I found out about any infidelity. Now, in middle age, I’m not so sure any more. I don’t see it so black and white.

As someone who has been in this situation you may feel differently if it actually happens. It’s not the thing that does the damage, it’s the lies, the crazy making and gaslighting that do the real damage. A judgment lapse with a stranger at the hotel bar during a girls weekend is a lot different than 18 months of lies.

Anonymous wrote:I’m staying even though my wife had an affair. Finances aren’t an issue, everything is separate. But I do care for her and am trying to forgive.

❤️ I wish you the absolute best.

I used to think I would kick DH to the curb if I found out about any infidelity. Now, in middle age, I’m not so sure any more. I don’t see it so black and white.

I’m staying even though my wife had an affair. Finances aren’t an issue, everything is separate. But I do care for her and am trying to forgive.

My brother stayed. They are pretty codependent and they had already had a lot of change and turmoil in their lives. They didn't think they or the kids could handle more. The finances also didn't work out in anyone's favour and both were too emotionally drained and fatigue to have the energy to take action.

I wouldn't really say it worked out. They do not have a happy marriage and the kids are suffering - although I also think the kids would have suffered if they had split up as neither parent on their own can really manage a household.

They chose the path of least resistance, figuring both were negative options.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone stay in a marriage after their spouse had an affair and have it work out? If so, what contributed to having it work out?

I stayed, but only because I didn't have the financial ability to leave without destroying our children's lives. So I guess you could say it "worked out" for him, in that he gets to still be married and have a family. But we're not really together and never will be again because I'll never trust him again.

Yes. Now we all sleep together.

Statistically, about 60% stay.
They just don't talk about it for obvious reasons.

Anonymous wrote:The vast majority stay.

I've heard this too and we don't hear about those stories because most people don't share.

The vast majority stay.

No. Don’t do it. I was pregnant and so I stayed. And he did it again.

That was ten years ago. I’m now remarried to a healthy, loving, loyal guy, and I know I will never, ever have to worry again.

Be strong. Leave. You really can’t trust a cheater ever again, and you will always wonder and worry. The worry will age you and kill your joy.

How many times are we going to read this same topic? It’s like a broken record. Are you that stupid or your self esteem ithat low stay after an affair?

I was pregnant with our 2nd do I tried to stay.

He cheated again. Finding out the 2nd time was like a get out of jail free card.

I am gloriously divorced and doing amazingly.

You’ve heard the saying you’re only as faithful as your options? Well most times it’s your finances dictate your options.
If there were tens of millions of dollars to spread around staying after betrayal wouldn’t be something I would consider for a second, drastically altering the quality of my children’s lives something I’m not willing to do.

You can listen to all their excuses or choose to believe the I don’t know why’s and it just happened’s but in the end the person who betrayed you will never occupy the same place in your heart or mind. Forgiveness isn’t possible so don’t delude yourself, the one who betrayed you will convert forgiveness into permission. Tolerance and familiarity become things that will allow you to get through your day.

Can't trust after a betrayal so why take the chance?

Anyone stay in a marriage after their spouse had an affair and have it work out? If so, what contributed to having it work out?