Anonymous wrote:

The OP never blamed themselves and i never got the impression they feel any responsibility and that he's just a black sheep, bad kid.

1. he will get caught eventually and all you can do is hope it's sooner rather than later to avoid harsher, more severe life-altering consequences
2. technology including video games is a privilege, not a right or need - if he can't demonstrate responsibility, then he's not old mature enough to handle
3. white privilege is not a heredity condition - make him work
4. get him into some intervention individual therapy, stimulant medication for impulsivity
5. it sounds like your family has the resources so take him on a trip to an indigent country -show him how fortunate he is
6. Volunteer at a community shelter, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say his siblings are at camp or counselors or doing sports. What does your DS like? If it's video games, would he be interested in E sports? Or streaming on Twitch or making videos? Give him something to focus on, put his energy towards.

Op here. He wants to stare at screens and play Fortnite and Roblox all day. When we take it away he will pilfer through the house trying to find his phone or computer. He has hacked our safe to access them. He mostly steals from family to buy crap in these games.

Anonymous wrote:I totally feel for you. This is so hard. You sound frustrated and angry, and rightly so.

Is this new behavior or a new attitude, or sort of a new iteration of a situation that has been around for years? I ask because if it's newish, that suggests more of a depression type situation, whereas ongoing sounds more like the ODD aspects of ADHD. That's really tough and needs a very different approach (and lots of self care for you!).

First, stop blaming yourselves. The fact that you had to post about your other kids succeeding suggests you feel like you will be blamed. I get it, but try to move past this. It won't help you or him.

Second, continue working with the providers you have. Hopefully someone of them are supporting you in parenting. If not, find someone who will. We have a similar kid, and his therapist meets with us once a month. It's not perfect, but it helps a lot. I would go beyond that in this critical moment sand seek some strong parent coaching for specifically dealing with your specific situation. This is not blaming your parenting - it's just that having a professional with experience in this can help you pick the best approach and stay confident with it. There is no easy fix, so this is a long haul.

Have meds been considered?

How do you provide consequences and incentives? If he feels he has no choice and is backed into a corner, it may get worse. Incentives are great, even when they feel like you shouldn't need them (ie I'm rewarding my kid who is screwing up nonstop for going out for a walk??? He should just do this anyway). They can help give some autonomy and control and help a kid start to feel like they aren't losing on all fronts. But pick and choose carefully.

There also have to be some consequences, and certainly some restrictions. If that means literally getting rid of the TV or locking it up for six months, do it. If that means extra security on siblings' phones, do it.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I totally feel for you. This is so hard. You sound frustrated and angry, and rightly so.

Is this new behavior or a new attitude, or sort of a new iteration of a situation that has been around for years? I ask because if it's newish, that suggests more of a depression type situation, whereas ongoing sounds more like the ODD aspects of ADHD. That's really tough and needs a very different approach (and lots of self care for you!).

First, stop blaming yourselves. The fact that you had to post about your other kids succeeding suggests you feel like you will be blamed. I get it, but try to move past this. It won't help you or him.

Second, continue working with the providers you have. Hopefully someone of them are supporting you in parenting. If not, find someone who will. We have a similar kid, and his therapist meets with us once a month. It's not perfect, but it helps a lot. I would go beyond that in this critical moment sand seek some strong parent coaching for specifically dealing with your specific situation. This is not blaming your parenting - it's just that having a professional with experience in this can help you pick the best approach and stay confident with it. There is no easy fix, so this is a long haul.

Have meds been considered?

How do you provide consequences and incentives? If he feels he has no choice and is backed into a corner, it may get worse. Incentives are great, even when they feel like you shouldn't need them (ie I'm rewarding my kid who is screwing up nonstop for going out for a walk??? He should just do this anyway). They can help give some autonomy and control and help a kid start to feel like they aren't losing on all fronts. But pick and choose carefully.

There also have to be some consequences, and certainly some restrictions. If that means literally getting rid of the TV or locking it up for six months, do it. If that means extra security on siblings' phones, do it.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:What consequences does he have? Do you restrict and lock up electronics? Put two factor authentication on your accounts? Make him work to pay back the money?

Anonymous wrote:You say his siblings are at camp or counselors or doing sports. What does your DS like? If it's video games, would he be interested in E sports? Or streaming on Twitch or making videos? Give him something to focus on, put his energy towards.