Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless parents are invincible and immortal to always be there, sooner they get kids independent, better of everyone is.

Not really some mature at 18, some at 22, some at 24.

Parents need to be patient.

That’s BS. What’s your answer when they are still useless at 24? Don’t worry…maturity will kick in at 30?

Anonymous wrote:Why do some parents act like boys are not capable?

I have noticed this more with boys than girls.

Example-friend will not let her son live in the dorm at college because “he won’t know how to go to school and work”. But her girls-one older and one younger-both went straight to the dorm at private colleges.

Because some parents are bad at parenting. This shouldn’t come as a surprise. What is more surprising is how so many people have kids yet have no idea how to parent. 18 years of math education, but no years on how to raise kids. Wild.

Anonymous wrote:Unless parents are invincible and immortal to always be there, sooner they get kids independent, better of everyone is.

Not really some mature at 18, some at 22, some at 24.

Parents need to be patient.

Anonymous wrote:Why do some parents act like boys are not capable?

I have noticed this more with boys than girls.

Example-friend will not let her son live in the dorm at college because “he won’t know how to go to school and work”. But her girls-one older and one younger-both went straight to the dorm at private colleges.

Maybe her son is disabled?

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the comment about living in a dorm. You mean he is living in an apartment off campus? That requires more independence.

She means he lives at home and commutes.

My sons (who do have LDs but idk if that’s why) really had a hard time with multi step things like filling out forms, getting their roommate, scheduling classes, etc.

But they excelled at things once they were there and had a system down. They didn’t stress about school, made friend easily, never had roommates drama, advocated well with teachers.

My daughter was great at filing out forms, finding roommate, scheduling classes but fell apart a little with being over stressed, taking roommate issues to personally, advocating for herself with teachers, understanding 1 bad grade didn’t kill a semester.

I don't get the comment about living in a dorm. You mean he is living in an apartment off campus? That requires more independence.

Unless parents are invincible and immortal to always be there, sooner they get kids independent, better of everyone is.

Anonymous wrote:My mother had very low expectations of my brother, an only son. And he delivered on those low expectations. No SN. Just a culture of low expectations.

Same story. One son, coddled, babied, failed to launch, floundered for most of his adult life. Eventually married an older woman who was happy to mother him and is comfortable in the arrangement. No special needs, just completely culturally acceptable for him to do less in every arena - house work, school work, extracurriculars, work, etc. His great accomplishment was being the baby boy, no further requirements ever considered.

My mother had very low expectations of my brother, an only son. And he delivered on those low expectations. No SN. Just a culture of low expectations.

Because some people buy into old school gender stereotypes. Don't you know this already? I bet your friend encourages her daughters to call their dad or AAA with any car-related problems.

Could it be that their three children are all different people with different needs that should be treated differently in order to help them succeed? It may have nothing to do with gender.

Maybe the school set ups are different? Maybe the academic requirements for their programs are are very different. So many reasons.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men have learning disabilities. I think the male brain is more fragile overall. That's probably why men wanted to protect it with power more.

haha

I also think parental low expectations aren't helping their boys. But, some of it is just personality.

I have both a DD and DS. DS is away at college. He is going to live off campus this year, with a full kitchen, and he is determined to cook for himself. I think that novelty will wear off quickly. Even so, I know DS can take care of himself.

DD is in HS, and right now, I'm not sure that DD can take care of herself when she goes away to college. She is way more immature than DS was at the same age. Hoping DD will grow up in the next two years. We shall see.

Boys tend to mature slower than girls, so it may be that most boys aren't quite ready to take care of themselves when they go off to college, but you just have to let them flounder and figure it out. I'll have to do the same for my DD, but it does make me worry.

A lot of men have learning disabilities. I think the male brain is more fragile overall. That's probably why men wanted to protect it with power more.

Why do some parents act like boys are not capable?

I have noticed this more with boys than girls.

Example-friend will not let her son live in the dorm at college because “he won’t know how to go to school and work”. But her girls-one older and one younger-both went straight to the dorm at private colleges.