OP just wanted to let you know I went through something similar last year at 50. I actually wish I had gone through it at 40 because it would have given me more time to get into therapy with a good therapist and make changes. I have been really working on things now but honestly there are things I would have had the energy to do at 40 that I just don’t have the energy to do now at 51 in the midst of menopause. 40 is still comparatively young. Good luck- you can do this! Get help via therapy and maybe medication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tormented by regret. In 40 so I am what maybe halfway through life? I am not going to harm myself, but I have a long future ahead of me. Anyone else, how did you manage with a "new" brain that suddenly haunts you? How do you last 20, 30, 40 years like this?

Yes, people have regrets in mid-life and fear that they have ruined their chances for x or y because they made the wrong decisions in their 20’s.

Unless you truly did something awful/illegal to harm another person, you’ve made no dumb decisions - just decisions. You can now make different ones. Decide how you want to spend the second half of your life and start putting the building blocks of that life in place today.

Needed to read this. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Tormented by regret. In 40 so I am what maybe halfway through life? I am not going to harm myself, but I have a long future ahead of me. Anyone else, how did you manage with a "new" brain that suddenly haunts you? How do you last 20, 30, 40 years like this?

Yes, people have regrets in mid-life and fear that they have ruined their chances for x or y because they made the wrong decisions in their 20’s.

Unless you truly did something awful/illegal to harm another person, you’ve made no dumb decisions - just decisions. You can now make different ones. Decide how you want to spend the second half of your life and start putting the building blocks of that life in place today.

My mom finished college in her 40s (had me when she was 19), learned a foreign language, got a masters degree at 50, and moved overseas. She has built a good life for herself from circumstances that were very difficult at times, including a stint on food stamps when I was a toddler and an abusive second marriage. It's not too late.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of regrets, OP?

That you didn't make the most of your career, couldn't make it work with your spouse, don't have enough for your kids' colleges? That would be within the range of normal, and something we can discuss.

Or that you should have buried the body elsewhere? Can't help you with that one.

Have done the DC hectic life thing for 20 years and have not spent more time with family in another state (I am not married), that is part of it.

Well then, no time like the present, OP. Go this summer.

Anonymous wrote:What sort of regrets, OP?

That you didn't make the most of your career, couldn't make it work with your spouse, don't have enough for your kids' colleges? That would be within the range of normal, and something we can discuss.

Or that you should have buried the body elsewhere? Can't help you with that one.

Have done the DC hectic life thing for 20 years and have not spent more time with family in another state (I am not married), that is part of it.

I regret that I have learning disabilities that prevent me from ... almost anything other than being homeless. But I focus on what I do have - I have a rent-controlled apartment in a cool city. I can't go to more schooling, I can't get a higher paying job, can't move, will never own, etc. A lot of times it sucks. But that's life.

If it at all about unrealized potential, it's not too late!

What sort of regrets, OP?

That you didn't make the most of your career, couldn't make it work with your spouse, don't have enough for your kids' colleges? That would be within the range of normal, and something we can discuss.

Or that you should have buried the body elsewhere? Can't help you with that one.

On the night before my 40th birthday, I was hit with a tormenting regret that I should have had a child. I thought it was way too late. Turns out that it wasn't and my kid is the highlight of my life.

Maybe there is a way to turn that regret around.

Yes, please get therapy. It would definitely help you (though you may have to find someone you click with).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not close to normal. Get help.

I know it is not usual but not unprecedented I suppose? Haven't other people had extraordinary awful periods in life? Not many I guess, but some?

My awful period was in my 20s. I did contemplate suicide. I was poor, my love life sucked, very few friends.

I switched careers, made more money, moved, got better friends, became happier with myself and my life, met a great guy, and got married.

Much happier now in my 50s.

Go get therapy.

Anonymous wrote:This is not close to normal. Get help.

I know it is not usual but not unprecedented I suppose? Haven't other people had extraordinary awful periods in life? Not many I guess, but some?

This is not close to normal. Get help.

Tormented by regret. In 40 so I am what maybe halfway through life? I am not going to harm myself, but I have a long future ahead of me. Anyone else, how did you manage with a "new" brain that suddenly haunts you? How do you last 20, 30, 40 years like this?