They are very, very expensive. If they can't afford it, please step in.

We split the headstone cost with BIL, like every other cost of the funeral.

Most cemeteries have physical markers and online navigation to find graves.

I don't see it as a justified expense if OP can't comfortably afford it. Everyone is going in ground and we don't know how many people have been buried in that ground over the centuries so why bother. It is of no benefit to the deceased. I would if OP rather keep that money to help out in-laws with some healthcare cost when needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your in-laws can't comfortably afford it and your family can, then do the generous thing.

We can't comfortably, not in the sense that it wouldn't matter if we did. We are going to have to pay for all of in-laws' costs when the time comes as they won't have savings.

And it won’t stop there with those in laws in the future.

My parents paid ahead for their burial, headstones over 40 yrs ago. They have both passed and everything was covered including casket. All I had to do was pick the casket and agree upon headstone design. Plot was already included as they are buried side by side. Glad they planned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone pays for their own, way before they die. Cemetery plot, perpetuity care, headstone, etc. Unless you die suddenly, it's all paid for.

Really? Not in most families I know. I have the added wrinkle of being international. I don't even know which country I want to be buried in! My childhood was spent moving from country to country with my father's job...

Maybe it's a jewish thing, or a "my family" thing? But it's both sides of my family. Just pick which country you think you'll enjoy haunting the most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone pays for their own, way before they die. Cemetery plot, perpetuity care, headstone, etc. Unless you die suddenly, it's all paid for.

Really? Not in most families I know. I have the added wrinkle of being international. I don't even know which country I want to be buried in! My childhood was spent moving from country to country with my father's job...

Similar for me. I wanted burial at sea, but where to have the cenotaph? Then I had a caboose baby with intractable seasickness, so now I must change to cremation. Nevertheless, “pre arrangements” are much easier for those left behind. In my experience in the US, MC, UMC and UC have pre arranged or the estate pays. Lower income it often seems to fall to the family left behind. This is just my anecdatal experience.

OP, it sounds as if burial has been chosen but is it just the headstone they are asking you to pay for? You mention that the expense is not easy for you. If it is the headstone, then you can set aside money gradually. It doesn’t have to go up immediately. My condolences.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone pays for their own, way before they die. Cemetery plot, perpetuity care, headstone, etc. Unless you die suddenly, it's all paid for.

Really? Not in most families I know. I have the added wrinkle of being international. I don't even know which country I want to be buried in! My childhood was spent moving from country to country with my father's job...

Anonymous wrote:If your in-laws can't comfortably afford it and your family can, then do the generous thing.

We can't comfortably, not in the sense that it wouldn't matter if we did. We are going to have to pay for all of in-laws' costs when the time comes as they won't have savings.

If your in-laws can't comfortably afford it and your family can, then do the generous thing.

Everyone pays for their own, way before they die. Cemetery plot, perpetuity care, headstone, etc. Unless you die suddenly, it's all paid for.

Anonymous wrote:Is there an estate? When my mom passed away, we spent her savings on the burial costs, including headstone.

It was already spent for funeral costs.

Is there an estate? When my mom passed away, we spent her savings on the burial costs, including headstone.

Who normally pays for one? My in-laws' parents passed away. He is saying it is very expensive, in fact he's mentioned it several times. I think he is hoping we will pay too? How was that handled in your family?