Light at end of tunnel. They are so much better at 18! For us night and day different. Don't lose them or the relationship now, they will come around!!

What's the issue OP? Are they boys/girls?

I have to say that while I miss the cute and cuddly phase, I really enjoy hanging out with my teens (most of the time.) Our main disagreements are about them picking up after themselves, getting their laundry and chores done, etc.

Hang in there, OP, it gets better! DS is 17 and while we still have some difficulties, things are much improved over when he was 15 or so.

Anonymous wrote:I am finding the older teen years the hardest. They have means of independence, their own lives, but still rules at home, things they need to do, advice that is meant to help and they might not want to follow. So there is so much thinking: is this worth taking a stand? Is it better to let them make their own mistakes? How much to push? How high should standards be v. letting them determine their own standards. I feel so unprepared to deal with helping nearly grown humans! The younger years were a lot easier.

I agree with everything you said on here. I have twins who who will be 18 in the early fall and are entering their senior year. They are just on the cusp of adulthood and had their birthdays fallen on a few months earler they would be off to college in a month or two. However they are still in our house for another 15 months. It's really difficult to know how to parent them. We are very chill but yet we do need some structure and rules in the household.

Also, so much of this depends on the kid. Of my twins, one is far easier than the other in this regard. The other is itching to be on his own and would move out tomorrow if he could. He just came back from 3 weeks in Asia (by himself, living with a family friend) and I really don't think he missed us for a minute. He's just a pretty independent kid which is good in many ways but can make these days challenging.

They younger teen years (13-15) were SO much easier.

It will not always feel like this. This feeling and stage is temporary.

I am finding the older teen years the hardest. They have means of independence, their own lives, but still rules at home, things they need to do, advice that is meant to help and they might not want to follow. So there is so much thinking: is this worth taking a stand? Is it better to let them make their own mistakes? How much to push? How high should standards be v. letting them determine their own standards. I feel so unprepared to deal with helping nearly grown humans! The younger years were a lot easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

And, as I like to remind my children, at 13, they have less than 5 years left under my roof. They will always be welcome but my responsibility to feed them, house them and clothe them ends the day they turn 18. For the next 5 years, they can either absorb all the advice my advanced years can provide them or not. They can work hard and get into college (which I will support). If not, at 18, they need to be prepared to look after themselves.

It was the information my mom gave me when I was a difficult teenager and it set me up to be a responsible adult with a good relationship with my parents.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

NP. Thank you. I needed this today.

MS is awful! They distance themselves in HS (except when the need money or a ride), which will give you some space, but as someone who has made it through, there is some good news: when they leave for college, they somehow become tolerable, and even nice people when they come home to visit (although they still leave a trail of backpacks, hoodies, socks and whatnot behind as they go).

Oh, I’m right there with you. The incredible lack of common sense in the teen years has kept me awake multiple nights.

Remember your job is to let go. You can teach them but it’s up to them to learn and make choices.

I hear you OP! 14-15 was the worst. Oldest is 16 and so much more pleasant now. Of course, younger dc is 13 (still mostly pleasant) so I know it’s coming…

I have a 12yo OP. I understand the struggle and I hear it gets harder. Hang in there and treat every day as a new day.

What exactly is difficult? Did you parent the first 12 years?

Every parent has times of strengths. I am better at the teen years but having a baby was a struggle. You will get to the other side soon!

Sometimes I wish I never had them, these teen years are a ‘killer.’