Anonymous wrote:Glasses they need. Particular glasses that are fashionable or expensive, they don't. They don't need that particular choice. Same with phone. Same with a winter coat. There were 2 times a year, Birthday and Christmas, when an upgrade to what they really prefer can go on A Wish List, as a gift.

Oh, that’s a good way of doing it. I’m stealing that.

Seems like I replace DS's glasses once or twice a year, and various sports equipment (soccer balls, basketballs) whenever they get punctured or fall apart. Knock on wood his phone is 5 years old and still doesn't even have a crack.

He broke a window on the house but it was a true accident--I saw it happen. He broke a light on the car and tried to fix it himself without telling me--I withheld allowance until he'd "paid" half. It was also an accident but hiding it from me was the problem.

His dad is far more careless than he is, so he's pretty good about taking care of his stuff since he sees the consequences of his dad's actions.

Anonymous wrote:Glasses they need. Particular glasses that are fashionable or expensive, they don't. They don't need that particular choice. Same with phone. Same with a winter coat. There were 2 times a year, Birthday and Christmas, when an upgrade to what they really prefer can go on A Wish List, as a gift.

+1

Glasses they need. Particular glasses that are fashionable or expensive, they don't. They don't need that particular choice. Same with phone. Same with a winter coat. There were 2 times a year, Birthday and Christmas, when an upgrade to what they really prefer can go on A Wish List, as a gift.

If it's a necessity, I will pay (glasses/retainer).

If it's their fun stuff, they either replace or wait for a birthday/christmas. This includes things like electric toothbrushes (they left the charger on a trip) and they had to use a manual toothbrush.

I have an ADHD dh and pretty sure my kids are as well. From the time they were toddlers, I've been drilling it into their heads how to be careful, how to treat our belongings with respect and to always double check before you leave the table/bench/taxi/hotel room. The message has sunk in thankfully.

Shit happens. If we have to replace glasses or retainers we do. Twice. If it happens a third time we make the kid pay. Funny how once they have to pay they magically get better at taking care of their things.

Maybe I just need to give a bigger allowance. Replacing something you broke or lost through carelessness should hurt, but it should not preclude your social life for a month.

Mine doesn’t lose/break a lot. If it was truly an accident I would probably replace unless it was something she doesn’t need. I’m not replacing AirPods but I’ll replace a 3 ring zipped binder if it’s broken and needed for school.
DD 12 forgot her thermos and lunchbox around May and I told her to check playground ( where she last had it) AND lost and found. It’s all labeled. She tried arguing with me about checking playground. I told her that if I was going to have to fork out close to $40 to replace it I would look everywhere. She replied. “ wait, I have to replace it” I told her I bought it new in August and I didn’t lose it so I’m not sure why she thinks I’m the one buying new stuff.
She looked and found it. If I was gonna telencephalon I doubt she would have looked properly.

Easy come, easy go
No replacements for a while (even if they can afford to buy out themselves)

If it’s something like AirPods or breaking iPad screen, we will replace it at the next birthday or Christmas, regardless of how it happened (unless it was broken by a sibling, then we’ll discuss). If they want it fixed earlier, they’ll have to pay for it and do all the research, etc. for the replacement/repair.

If it’s something needed, like a retainer, we’ll replace it immediately but they’ll have to contribute in some way, like a yard project or something. This isn’t punitive, it’s just pitching in.

Whenever things like this happen and I get annoyed, DH always goes “I was just like that at that age, it’s normal” and makes me think I’m overreacting. But he was also allowed way less independence than our kid…

What if it’s like, left their glasses on the floor at the bottom of the stairs where someone would obviously step on them? That’s at least a month of Saturday morning Starbucks with friends to replace with even the cheapest online frames, and something else will almost certainly be carelessly misplaced or destroyed before that’s paid back. I really don’t want to create a situation where my kid is constantly in debt to me, but I also don’t want to endlessly pay for things because they can’t take care of any stuff.

Honestly very case by case but ultimately we go with a “we will replace it once - after that you are on your own”

AirPods being the biggest issue for us - we are on pair #5 - the original and replacement on us - the other two on them…the fifth they dropped while running inside because they thought they heard gunshots and we deemed that an extraordinary circumstance and replaced as they did the right thing in the moment

I generally pay for things that are true accidents - if it's something they weren't supposed to be doing in the first place, then I'd would have them use their money to replace it.

What do you do when your child loses or breaks something "expensive" (relative to their income, not yours)? I mean due to carelessness, not accidents -- say losing glasses, retainer, borrowing your things and leaving them somewhere, breaking something fragile they shouldn't have been messing with...

Kid gets an allowance and sometimes feeds pets or waters plants for neighbors, but if I asked to be repaid for these things out of that money they would never have anything to spend when out with friends. I've considered telling them to do extra chores to work it off, but I'm not sure that's appropriate. I also think there should probably be a different standard for things the child needs where the risk of it being lost or broken is baked in. And yes obviously I am scaling way back on letting them borrow my things or use expensive fragile stuff without supervision! But I'm curious how other people deal with it.