Anonymous
Post 06/25/2024 10:05     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I came to realize that my spouse has an ADHD/ASD profile, based on our son's diagnosis. It explained his previous job losses and chronic underemployment.

Point is, either I'm in or out: this is not someone who can change his entire persona and learn from all his mistakes. He's improved in the 20 years I've known him, but the core persona will always be the same.



Me again. Fired for not producing work on time, because he's geeking out over one part of it and didn't pay attention to the deadline. Or the first to be let go in lean times for being always late, always a little socially awkward, etc. That kind of thing. When he does produce work, it's perfect and goes above and beyond. So some teams with guaranteed funding (this is in scientific research) really appreciate his trouble-shooting expertise.

I am neither sympathetic nor unsympathetic. It's not what he wants from me. What he wants is an interesting intellectual challenge, hopefully in an environment with flexible deadlines and lots of creative freedom (and getting paid to do what he likes). Since I'm not in the same field, I just let him muddle through.


So it sounds like he doesn't need your support or kindness. Just carry on.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2024 09:59     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
hot take but I am of the opinion that everyone should always be half looking for a new opp at all times so that if you are let go then you have a 'cushion'. So I would only be unsupportive if spouse has zero new leads - which has happened and i was annoyed.
always.be.looking
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2024 05:33     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
My spouse has been both laid off and fired. Multiple times. Of course I support them. It sucks, and sometimes is scary (financially, but fortunately we are good savers), but it's always worked out!
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 23:05     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was bullied at one job and had to leave, spouse was not supportive. And let’s just say there is no coming back from “not being supportive”, my entire future outlook has changed to focus on my own goals from then.


What sort of support where you looking for? Were you expecting to be able to relax at home, go to the gym for hours, desultorily applying to a couple of job offers every week, while your spouse takes on ALL the household and parenting duties? Because when my husband expected that treatment for MONTHS, I was not extraordinarily receptive, as you can imagine.


new to this thread and dont know the full picture but imagine op was looking for normal level of support rather than weird situation you describe.


Answer the question then
If it's just soothing remarks you're looking for, I'm sure everyone's said that. I've said that! But words aren't going to help with tracking jobs website and reaching out to your network. So again, "support" can mean different things to different people.

Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 22:57     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was bullied at one job and had to leave, spouse was not supportive. And let’s just say there is no coming back from “not being supportive”, my entire future outlook has changed to focus on my own goals from then.


What sort of support where you looking for? Were you expecting to be able to relax at home, go to the gym for hours, desultorily applying to a couple of job offers every week, while your spouse takes on ALL the household and parenting duties? Because when my husband expected that treatment for MONTHS, I was not extraordinarily receptive, as you can imagine.


I actually had a much better job offer at that time that I wanted to take, but that would have required some travel. He was not a fan of me not being home so he blamed me for not having worked harder at the previous job, that way I wouldn’t need to find a new job for the salary bump if I had gotten promoted.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 22:47     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was bullied at one job and had to leave, spouse was not supportive. And let’s just say there is no coming back from “not being supportive”, my entire future outlook has changed to focus on my own goals from then.


What sort of support where you looking for? Were you expecting to be able to relax at home, go to the gym for hours, desultorily applying to a couple of job offers every week, while your spouse takes on ALL the household and parenting duties? Because when my husband expected that treatment for MONTHS, I was not extraordinarily receptive, as you can imagine.


new to this thread and dont know the full picture but imagine op was looking for normal level of support rather than weird situation you describe.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 22:30     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
were
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 22:30     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:I was bullied at one job and had to leave, spouse was not supportive. And let’s just say there is no coming back from “not being supportive”, my entire future outlook has changed to focus on my own goals from then.


What sort of support where you looking for? Were you expecting to be able to relax at home, go to the gym for hours, desultorily applying to a couple of job offers every week, while your spouse takes on ALL the household and parenting duties? Because when my husband expected that treatment for MONTHS, I was not extraordinarily receptive, as you can imagine.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 22:24     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
I was bullied at one job and had to leave, spouse was not supportive. And let’s just say there is no coming back from “not being supportive”, my entire future outlook has changed to focus on my own goals from then.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 21:51     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I came to realize that my spouse has an ADHD/ASD profile, based on our son's diagnosis. It explained his previous job losses and chronic underemployment.

Point is, either I'm in or out: this is not someone who can change his entire persona and learn from all his mistakes. He's improved in the 20 years I've known him, but the core persona will always be the same.



Me again. Fired for not producing work on time, because he's geeking out over one part of it and didn't pay attention to the deadline. Or the first to be let go in lean times for being always late, always a little socially awkward, etc. That kind of thing. When he does produce work, it's perfect and goes above and beyond. So some teams with guaranteed funding (this is in scientific research) really appreciate his trouble-shooting expertise.

I am neither sympathetic nor unsympathetic. It's not what he wants from me. What he wants is an interesting intellectual challenge, hopefully in an environment with flexible deadlines and lots of creative freedom (and getting paid to do what he likes). Since I'm not in the same field, I just let him muddle through.


I have been fired a few times. Wives are not very supportive at all.

Only Pizza makes everyone happy and your husband is not Pizza.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 20:30     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Anonymous wrote:I came to realize that my spouse has an ADHD/ASD profile, based on our son's diagnosis. It explained his previous job losses and chronic underemployment.

Point is, either I'm in or out: this is not someone who can change his entire persona and learn from all his mistakes. He's improved in the 20 years I've known him, but the core persona will always be the same.



Me again. Fired for not producing work on time, because he's geeking out over one part of it and didn't pay attention to the deadline. Or the first to be let go in lean times for being always late, always a little socially awkward, etc. That kind of thing. When he does produce work, it's perfect and goes above and beyond. So some teams with guaranteed funding (this is in scientific research) really appreciate his trouble-shooting expertise.

I am neither sympathetic nor unsympathetic. It's not what he wants from me. What he wants is an interesting intellectual challenge, hopefully in an environment with flexible deadlines and lots of creative freedom (and getting paid to do what he likes). Since I'm not in the same field, I just let him muddle through.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 20:13     Subject: Re:If your spouse was fired from a job...
Fired for sexually harassing someone or inappropriately touching someone or assaulting someone - no. Point is, it depends.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 20:09     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
I came to realize that my spouse has an ADHD/ASD profile, based on our son's diagnosis. It explained his previous job losses and chronic underemployment.

Point is, either I'm in or out: this is not someone who can change his entire persona and learn from all his mistakes. He's improved in the 20 years I've known him, but the core persona will always be the same.

Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 19:43     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
Would entirely depend on the circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2024 19:41     Subject: If your spouse was fired from a job...
would you have a hard time being supportive and kind about it?