Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.

Such a weird mentality. For starters, neither of you are each other's parent. And then, bean counting kills marriages.

Eh, I don't agree. I do think taking stock of the BALANCE in your marriage is ok. If one person has all the beans and then is also saying "bean counting kills marriage!" that isn't a good marriage because one of the people in that marriage sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.

If you've talked about it and made expectations clear, I sympathize with this. But, no good will come from being disappointed by Mother's Day, saying nothing, and then passive aggressively phoning it in on Father's Day.

Anonymous wrote:Just looking to see what other people are doing. I don’t think it’s as standard as the Mother’s Day brunch.

Lol subject line lol

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Doesn't that just play into gendered roles about observances, that the burden falls on the woman?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.

Such a weird mentality. For starters, neither of you are each other's parent. And then, bean counting kills marriages.

But if one person does nothing, why shouldn't the other person feel ok with also doing nothing? I'd argue NOT ever paying attention to who is paying all the emotional "beans" results in one partner feeling taken advantage of.

I think communicating about what you'd like and doing that together is the best way. That's what we do. But I watch a lot of women feel burned on Mother's day turn around and pamper their spouses for Father's day and then eventually feel emotionally neglected. If the pampering gives you joy, by all means do it. But if it doesn't, and instead leaves you feeling like a martyr, skip it. And then talk about why you skipped it.

I made us reservations for top golf (upper elementary kids). For Mother’s Day I asked to go strawberry picking so he planned that.

Church in the morning, then a dive meet for our kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.

Such a weird mentality. For starters, neither of you are each other's parent. And then, bean counting kills marriages.

we have young kids so he will get cards, some new shirts, and dinner from "them."

Anonymous wrote:lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Why? Honest question. If fathers can not "be better" than phoning it in, than why should women do more? I think matching energy is a great way to balance things. If he wants a big deal on Father's day, the best way to get it is to make a big deal on mother's day. If no one cares, great (that's my marriage). But there's no real reason it should be lopsided either.

DH chose a hike for Fathers' Day while I chose a brunch for Mothers Day. We have young kids so and don't want for much so keeping it low key. Bought him some of his favorite snacks + wine too

He's going on a golf weekend with friends.

He'll be home Sunday and we'll grill steaks.

Mothers and Fathers day are pretty low key for us. Neither of us care about making a big show of it. For Father's Day we are just going to have a relaxed day, play some games, watch a movie. I'll cook DH's favorite food. DS picked him out a couple gifts. Pretty much the same as mother's day except DH cooked my favorite meal!

lol he's the father of your kids whether or not you like him.

And no, this should not be a tit-for-tat situation "he just phoned it in on Mother's Day, I'm not going to exert myself for Father's Day." Be better than that.

Just looking to see what other people are doing. I don’t think it’s as standard as the Mother’s Day brunch.