I have 2 married kids, the answer is NONE.

Is it fair to use financial puppetry?

Anonymous wrote:None. However, it’s not unfair for them to cut off financial support after marriage.

Punish them for not following the orders?

Kids with well off parents keep those cash apron strings into their 40s. Tuition, grad school, house, kids private school....
Kids whose parents send them off with a good luck are emotionally more self sufficient.

How much say *should* a parent ever get in choice of spouse? None, unless everyone is consenting to an arranged marriage. Insisting on having a say in choice of marriage partner is a recipe for resentment.

Or course, a should feel free to offer counsel, especially when it’s a bad match, or protect their financial interests if they want to.

None. And many parents don't pay for their adult kids' law school. Bride-to-be can take out a student loan like the rest of the grad student population.

None. However, it’s not unfair for them to cut off financial support after marriage.

You can certainly withdraw the law school tuition. But that’s the limit of your power.

None

What?

I mean if your kid wants to talk out pros and cons of various timings, sure you can engage and provide your thoughts.

But “say” - zero.

None. And if you say something, be prepared to destroy your relationship with your kid

None!

How much say “should” they have- 0.
In practice sure they can give the ultimatum of withdrawing tuition payments/any other support if the child gets engaged.

They should just be prepared for the potential natural consequence of such a reaction torpedoing their relationship with their child, his/her spouse and any future grandchildren.

Lol. No. And if you act like that, don't be surprised when your kids don't speak to you anymore.

If parents are paying for law school, do they get a say in when to get engaged?