You sound like you are in track. I am female btw. I hated those sessions -

OP here. I have been yessing her to death just to avoid disagreements. But who wants to live like this? Our therapist is actually great, she has given us all the tools we need. DW just feel like everything needs a third party. I started riding my motorcycle again just to get out of the house because it's negativity after negativity. She even argued with our teenage daughter without realizing it....

I just had lunch with two gals friends and proclaimed that I thought arguing in front someone was a crock. That was my couples seasons.

It takes a lot of desire and space to change
Space is key. Ons needs space to change, not the same old same old.

Say no. Stop going. Don’t be a D.
Read some self help books and get a hobby.
Get your body in shape in case things go south

Anonymous wrote:I’m a therapist and I try to get rid of my couples as soon as I can (meaning they don’t need me anymore and are doing well). Couples work is exhausting and while it’s rewarding I’m not trying to see my couples longer than needed.

Couples therapy does not work. It’s a racket. Here is a professional saying the same thing

She knows you don't want to go to more therapy. You can either let her have her way in a disagreement or she's going to drag you back to therapy. If you don't go to therapy you will be accused of giving up on the marriage.

You haven’t learned how to handle disagreements.

Get a new therapist and learn. Are you just like”I’m too smart for this” and continuing to repeat bad behavior?

If your wife feels that you guys can’t handle the conflict without the neutral third party, that’s not awesome but I also don’t see it as that big of a deal. Mention your concerns in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I do believe therapists use this forum to drum up business. I’ve never seen so many responses to every problem being just “go to therapy.”

Let’s not forget: therapy is a for-profit business.

It is in the therapists best interest to keep you coming back again and again.

“Fixing marriages” is not a good or long-term business plan.

Anonymous wrote:I thought therapy was supposed to give you the tools to work through your disagreements. Your therapist may not be effective if you need to go through them all the time.

+1 the idea is that you develop the skills to work through things without the therapist.

I’m a therapist and I try to get rid of my couples as soon as I can (meaning they don’t need me anymore and are doing well). Couples work is exhausting and while it’s rewarding I’m not trying to see my couples longer than needed.

Anonymous wrote:I thought therapy was supposed to give you the tools to work through your disagreements. Your therapist may not be effective if you need to go through them all the time.

Agree. And I’m doing a lot of therapy right now to get through some unexpected life changes, so I’m not anti-therapy at all. But a vacation destination discussion shouldn’t be so stressful/divisive that it requires a therapist, even if there is some disagreement. Is she averse to disagreement and sees any dissent as an issue that needs fixing or do those disagreements get heated and spiral? Either way, I think maybe you need a different therapist to shake up this dynamic.

I do believe therapists use this forum to drum up business. I’ve never seen so many responses to every problem being just “go to therapy.”

I thought therapy was supposed to give you the tools to work through your disagreements. Your therapist may not be effective if you need to go through them all the time.

We have been doing couple and individual therapy and they behave been helpful. However DW I believe has developed some sort of obsession with therapy. The smallest disagreement or dispute it's let's go to therapy. It is starting to feel like a subscription to be honest. The latest event was us disagreeing about where we should go for our next vacation and she got upset during the discussion and you guessed it yet another therapy session. We have been married 12 years and it's always therapy therapy therapy...I have reached the point where the hearing the word from her stresses the hell out of me.....

Is therapy supposed to be like a subscription in perpetuity?