Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this mom is supposed to leave her young child defenseless with a rageaholic half the time? OP, do you think he will be able to handle the stress of solo parenting without lashing out? Are their other triggers in dad’s life such as addiction or financial issues?

Does the husband rage against the son? Or only against the wife? I'm not defending uncontrolled rage, but there may be something unique about the relationship between husband and wife that triggers the husband's rage. Kids usually benefit a lot from having loving fathers.

Often the anger is directed at or near me, but it doesn't have anything directly to do with me. It's just toxic venting. Sometimes he's actually mad at me. Either way I walk on eggshells. I don't want to keep him from his son, just don't want my baby marinating in this toxic soup of a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:So this mom is supposed to leave her young child defenseless with a rageaholic half the time? OP, do you think he will be able to handle the stress of solo parenting without lashing out? Are their other triggers in dad’s life such as addiction or financial issues?

Does the husband rage against the son? Or only against the wife? I'm not defending uncontrolled rage, but there may be something unique about the relationship between husband and wife that triggers the husband's rage. Kids usually benefit a lot from having loving fathers.

The kid is asking you to break up. I was that kid. I needed my parents to be away from one another. I didn't need to be away from mom or dad, just the two not be in the same room or anywhere near one another.
Fighting for the me was not what I wanted. I felt like they both needed to chill out, grow up and I would be around for both of them.
My father did not act up around me, just when mom was around.
I left my partner when the abuse started. I didn't fight for the child as it would have made things worse. We share the kid. All is calm and quiet.
It is child abuse for the child to witness his tantrums.

Anonymous wrote:So this mom is supposed to leave her young child defenseless with a rageaholic half the time? OP, do you think he will be able to handle the stress of solo parenting without lashing out? Are their other triggers in dad’s life such as addiction or financial issues?

No addiction or anything. He's a very involved, devoted dad. He's a good person but not always a nice person, and he has a very stressful job (which is not an excuse). For years I've tried to explain that his wife and his home should be his peaceful refuge at the end of the day. But he just brings it all home and spreads it around. I think if he was a "weekend dad" he and our kiddo would have nothing but happy times together. If he insists on 50/50 it will only compound his stress and anger.

Does your DH want custody, or would he be happy with supervised visitation?

Anonymous wrote:Listen when your children speak, please.

It's painful but very helpful. #growth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:listen to him, REALLY listen to him op. Sometimes they know best.

OP here - of course, he doesn't realize that that means he'll be spending a lot of time alone with Daddy. He actually adores his Dad, who is a very engaged and involved parent and spends a ton of time playing with our kid and taking him to activities. But when he's mad... it's scary.

My dad was a war veteran with PTSD. When my parents got divorced he was like a new, fun person. The divorce didn't solve his PTSD, but the marriage stress was clearly making it worse. Hopefully that would be the case with your DH.

Poor child doesn't understand the family courts. That's really sad. I really feel for you, and your kid.

So this mom is supposed to leave her young child defenseless with a rageaholic half the time? OP, do you think he will be able to handle the stress of solo parenting without lashing out? Are their other triggers in dad’s life such as addiction or financial issues?

Listen when your children speak, please.

Out of the mouths of babes……

Anonymous wrote:listen to him, REALLY listen to him op. Sometimes they know best.

OP here - of course, he doesn't realize that that means he'll be spending a lot of time alone with Daddy. He actually adores his Dad, who is a very engaged and involved parent and spends a ton of time playing with our kid and taking him to activities. But when he's mad... it's scary.

listen to him, REALLY listen to him op. Sometimes they know best.

Anonymous wrote:...said my six-year-old after a weekend of intermittent temper tantrums thrown by his father. Not a question, really. I know what I have to do. I'm just so scared. And sad for my kid - that neither staying nor leaving will put him in a 100% stable environment.

Wow 6 years old...I feel bad for your child he/she loves his mommy and hates the way Daddy treats her.

...said my six-year-old after a weekend of intermittent temper tantrums thrown by his father. Not a question, really. I know what I have to do. I'm just so scared. And sad for my kid - that neither staying nor leaving will put him in a 100% stable environment.