Anonymous wrote:My mom was very much the “pitch in” kind, but what it really meant is that I couldn’t predict how my time would go. I’d work hard to get ahead on HW so I could meet a friend or watch a certain show and she would decide that night was the night it was my turn to do the dishes. There was no reward for organizing my time, no ability to plan.

So, I try to do things differently with my kids.

That sounds so rough! And it's a good thing to remember to avoid. I try hard to be thoughtful of what else is going on in everyone's lives -- just like some nights DH has somewhere to be and can't help clean up from dinner, sometimes a kid has a prior commitment. -- OP

Yes chore list and also pitching in.

Weekly clean room (dust, vacuum) and bathroom, take out kitchen trash and recycling whenever full, put clean dishes away every morning.

Help other times when I ask.

My kid has a few set responsibilities (feed the dog, do her own laundry, clear the table after meals) and is expected to pitch in without complaint when asked. We haven't got to a point of not needing to ask, but she's a young tween.

We do both I guess. The list isn’t written, but we do have specific chores for each kid. X empties the dishwasher and empties all trash, Y folds laundry, Z cleans the playroom. We base it on age.

We also expect them to pitch in. They can’t just watch tv while I’m cooking, someone needs to set the table and someone gets drinks.

My mom never had fair chores and I always did 90% of them. Sibling put up a massive fight and thus basically did nothing ever. I try very hard to be fair. Sure the older ones do more, but I base it on age. Like at 7 the dishwasher starts, 10 the lawn mowing starts. My kids probably only spend 30 min a day on chores though.

My mom was very much the “pitch in” kind, but what it really meant is that I couldn’t predict how my time would go. I’d work hard to get ahead on HW so I could meet a friend or watch a certain show and she would decide that night was the night it was my turn to do the dishes. There was no reward for organizing my time, no ability to plan.

So, I try to do things differently with my kids.

We do both. During the week each kid gets a kitchen for a night and do another night together. I do the other nights. At some point during the weekend we all clean for 30 minutes. I set a timer. Each kid does a bathroom, I do kitchen and family room. We also have cleaners come weekly.

We were never organized enough for chore lists. I admire the effort but it didn’t work for us. Getting them just to help as needed wasn’t always easy when they were younger but now in the older teen end of things they’re pretty good about stuff also DD lives off campus in college in a group house and as far as I can tell seems to be pretty solid as far as pulling her weight with household stuff so somewhere along the way she picked it up

I think the chore list is good, it helps them learn to handle their responsibilities without being reminded. If one kid gets done and relaxes and the others relax first and do chores later, fine.

Pitching in works for us. I usually do have to ask, but at 13 my kid is getting better about just helping out or doing something that he notices needs to be done.

The chore list was a huge PITA! This way is much more natural. “We’re a family and we all help out” is the way we go about it.

Do your kids have an explicit chore list or are they expected to pitch in with whatever is happening, notice what needs doing, etc.?

We had chore lists for a while but it led to this unpleasant experience where someone would be working on something while a kid lay on the couch reading a book. (Or sometimes I was the one lying on the couch with a book because that’s the kid’s chore.) so we moved to a model where everyone is expected to pitch in if there is work to do. Some chores are more likely to be a child’s, because they usually need to be done while I am making dinner and I’m not available, but if I’m not busy when it’s time to set the table, I’ll help (this used to be their chore) and they are now much more likely to start spontaneously washing dishes after dinner or taking out the trash when it’s obviously full or whatever. The downside to this model is that I often need to ask, but it’s not as though the previous chore lists were getting done by themselves either.