A friend was told not to visit for a month so his parent would settle in.

I think visiting after a day or so to see if she needs anything and * then* starting the one month clock is reasonable

Now

Anonymous wrote:How soon after placement?

“Placement.”

Kinda clinical maybe? Objectifying?

How about “moving in.”

It sounds like OP is having issues more about her own feelings than her mother’s welfare right now. Very understandable, but if you go, you’ll help with adjustment and also (ideally) confirm you made the right choice. You’re not abandoning your mother, you’re enlisting help to handle stuff to free you up for what only you can do, which is be you.

Get a friend to watch your kids and check in on your mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the issue with your emotional state?

Feeling incredibly guilty

Also our sitter is in the hospital and my spouse is working all weekend. Kids will be too distraught. This sucks.

Anonymous wrote:What is the issue with your emotional state?

Feeling incredibly guilty

I’d go OP. The worse the dementia gets the better it is to do more frequent but shorter visits. I go twice a week for 30 minutes to an hour and that’s perfect for my mom. I used to spend every Friday with her and saw her two other nights. Short is fine but please go see her. She’s probably totally freaked out.

What is the issue with your emotional state?

Anonymous wrote:How soon after placement?

The next day

How soon after placement?

Ditto on regular but ideally unpredictable visits, always a big smile and thanks to the staff, patient but unrelenting with issues.

Anonymous wrote:Soon, and not for too long a visit. One of the most helpful things you can do, to improve care, is to pop in with a kindly attitude (but eyes in the room gets noticed by staff).

Can't overemphasize the importance of being seen regularly.

So don’t throw a fit if something doesn’t look great. This is a long term relationship. Give them the benefit of the doubt and be respectful when asking for what you need.

Soon, and not for too long a visit. One of the most helpful things you can do, to improve care, is to pop in with a kindly attitude (but eyes in the room gets noticed by staff).

Mom was placed in nursing care late last week. She is confused and sad. She has dementia. I am trying to balance her mental state and my emotions. How soon should we visit?