Anonymous wrote:Any chance you will change your mind after the baby comes?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t explain your full employment situation. Just say you and your husband decided that you will quit your job and stay home to care for your kids so you will no longer need a nanny. That way it’s super clear to her that she needs to find new employment and it doesn’t offend her that you decided on daycare instead of her.

That’s stupid to lie. The nanny will likely find out you lied. Being direct, frank, and honest is always better and fairer to everyone.

I disagree. If the nanny’s English is not great, it’s not helpful to try and explain things in full detail. It will likely cause more confusion.

So what if the nanny finds out later that the mother went back to work and put her baby in daycare? She’s allowed to change her mind during maternity leave to go back to work too.

DP. Agree it is stupid to lie. Nanny will understand that you don't need her to stay if the baby is in daycare and the other kids in school.

Saying you and your husband revisited the childcare discussion recently and decided that you will scale back your hours at work so you will no longer need a full time nanny beyond August is fine, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t explain your full employment situation. Just say you and your husband decided that you will quit your job and stay home to care for your kids so you will no longer need a nanny. That way it’s super clear to her that she needs to find new employment and it doesn’t offend her that you decided on daycare instead of her.

That’s stupid to lie. The nanny will likely find out you lied. Being direct, frank, and honest is always better and fairer to everyone.

I disagree. If the nanny’s English is not great, it’s not helpful to try and explain things in full detail. It will likely cause more confusion.

So what if the nanny finds out later that the mother went back to work and put her baby in daycare? She’s allowed to change her mind during maternity leave to go back to work too.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t explain your full employment situation. Just say you and your husband decided that you will quit your job and stay home to care for your kids so you will no longer need a nanny. That way it’s super clear to her that she needs to find new employment and it doesn’t offend her that you decided on daycare instead of her.

That’s stupid to lie. The nanny will likely find out you lied. Being direct, frank, and honest is always better and fairer to everyone.

Any chance you will change your mind after the baby comes?

I wouldn’t explain your full employment situation. Just say you and your husband decided that you will quit your job and stay home to care for your kids so you will no longer need a nanny. That way it’s super clear to her that she needs to find new employment and it doesn’t offend her that you decided on daycare instead of her.

I think you can and should be much more direct so she isn’t confused. Not “we are sadly going to part ways” but “the job will end on XX date. I would like your last day to be YY. I will pay you for an extra week if you stay till then. I will give you a great reference. We will miss you.”

You owe her clarity. It’s her job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, you might shoot yourself in the foot if you give her notice. It might be better just to tell her the day of and let her go. This is how most jobs do it or else you face she quits before August or half asses the whole time.

What a terrible person you are. If she lets her go with no notice I hope she gives her a couple of months worth of severance. Otherwise, let her know that she needs to start looking for another job.

+1

OP, you should’ve clarified as soon as she started taking about taking care of the new baby. Maybe she honestly thought things had changed since you’re having another baby. I think that’s an understandable line of thinking on her part. But you didn’t correct her in the moment, so you need to do it ASAP. Be direct when you speak with her.

But I agree with PP—be prepared for her to quit before August. She’s going to want to line up a new family ASAP. That’s just the reality of the situation.

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, you might shoot yourself in the foot if you give her notice. It might be better just to tell her the day of and let her go. This is how most jobs do it or else you face she quits before August or half asses the whole time.

What a terrible person you are. If she lets her go with no notice I hope she gives her a couple of months worth of severance. Otherwise, let her know that she needs to start looking for another job.

Anonymous wrote:This is business, you just need to tell her.

Realize you might need to incentivize her to stay until school starts. She has no reason not to jump ship asap for a new family that wants to get her ingrained before school starts. Whereas once the school year starts, people will have already hired.

This

I dunno, you might shoot yourself in the foot if you give her notice. It might be better just to tell her the day of and let her go. This is how most jobs do it or else you face she quits before August or half asses the whole time.

This is business, you just need to tell her.

Realize you might need to incentivize her to stay until school starts. She has no reason not to jump ship asap for a new family that wants to get her ingrained before school starts. Whereas once the school year starts, people will have already hired.

We hired our nanny last August for one year -- she knew both my kids would be in school full time for the 2023-2024 school year and that we needed one year of help. But I am now pregnant, and I happily told her I was, and she immediately started talking about caring for the new baby.

I am planning to scale back at work and put the new baby in part time day care after my mat leave, so I don't plan to use a full time nanny this time around. Our original plans for one year haven't changed, but I didn't realize she'd assume this news meant they had. I now realize I need to have another conversation about this, which makes me feel awful. How should I handle this? What's the best way to tell her?

Something like:
"I know when we hired you last August it was for one year. Even with the new baby, we are going to stick to that plan, so we will sadly plan to part ways with you when school starts. I am so sorry if the new baby news was confusing about the future with our family, but we no longer need full time help once the boys are back because my work schedule is changing."

...and then the usual offering of helping place her with a new family and glowing rec, etc.? How can I soften this blow?