Anonymous wrote:This is very peer/friend group dependent. My 8th grader has none of this. My older DD’s friends were NOT as nice, and they were exclusionary and so forth. Pick friends carefully!

The point being that even "nice friends" subtly turn on their old friends when they make new friends. They're allowed to make new friends, right? Nothing wrong with that, right? But old friend is cast to the side...

Hold on to your seat, the ride is just getting started. I do not have girls, but have 2 friends that I am very close wtih and also very close with their daughters. I'm a bit of an honary aunt. The way I have seen both of these girls have been treated by their peers is just disgusting and heartbreaking. Boys are only marginally better, only becuase it never really break up friendships or escalates as much as it does with girls.

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

This parent is obviously the parent of a mean girl.

Oh no! My child Regina George never seems to have these issues....

This is very peer/friend group dependent. My 8th grader has none of this. My older DD’s friends were NOT as nice, and they were exclusionary and so forth. Pick friends carefully!

My kid is in 7th at a K-8. I think
The dynamic is different because while the MS curriculum is different and class schedule is MS style it’s not a whole new school. Some kids come and go but generally we don’t have huge drama issues. There are different groups bif kids seem to mesh back and forth depending on who’s in their classes etc. Hopefully it won’t change next year.

Every girl who makes a new friend will do it at a cost to an old friend. It's crushing to watch. Parents turn a blind eye too.

It is not universal, particularly if your child and their friend group do not strive to be popular.

Yes, there is a reason middle school has a bad reputation. Particularly for girls. It gets better by 11th and 12th grades

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

There is always one parent who thinks their kid isn't mean ...

This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

Anonymous wrote:Yes - I am a mom of 3 girls. Middle school is the worst! 9th and 10th not great either. 11th and 12th were better.

NP and curious if anyone has experienced all-girls' MS or HS being better or worse for this behavior.

Yes - I am a mom of 3 girls. Middle school is the worst! 9th and 10th not great either. 11th and 12th were better.

Yes! It will get worse.

Wow. Reading this is like someone observed my 8th grade year back in 1994-95.

My child is in 5th grade but if I think of the 8th graders at her school, almost everything you're describing rings quite true. The part that I'm especially fascinated is the dynamic of alpha girls finding and replacing their sidekicks. I hadn't realized it until you articulated it.

Girls at that age are experimenting with power in a way that takes me back to 1st/2nd grade girl drama, except that they have pocket money, dress themselves, and are self-aware. It's a little scary.

On the bright side, most of them will be quite humbled next year.

Up until now, we hadn't experienced any of the mean girl stuff people always seem to talk about. But recently, the drama in 8th grade (public) has picked up. It's all very subtle but there is so much exclusion, mean spirited gossip, weird alignments, inability to mesh friends, strong convictions about things like clothing labels etc. No one seems to know how to behave without one best friend as a side kick but who that person is often circumstantial or a new friend with shine (often neglecting the old friend). It's exhausting for my DD. I am glad summer is upon us and I am wondering if this will all change in HS? Or will it get worse before it gets better?