There are some parent tips on Stanford Children’s page that also describes teen brain and for me, that helped me more than anything because explains WHY your kid can’t explain herself at times why/what is going on: “The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so. In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part In teen's brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That's why when teens have overwhelming emotional input, they can't explain later what they were thinking. They weren't thinking as much as they were feeling.”

https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=understanding-the-teen-brain-1-3051#:~:text=In%20teen's%20brains%2C%20the%20connections,much%20as%20they%20were%20feeling.

It's the age for BIG feelings. I find that giving them space, and talking while doing something else (like when we're in the car, or coloring together) and not really looking at each other are the most productive approaches to conversations. There will be meltdowns over absolutely nothing, kind of like when they were 3 and crying because why are peas green and not blue, but it's pretty normal for this age.

Anonymous wrote:Read “Untangled”

Her podcast too- this one talks teen emotions- the part to listen that helps many is what’s happening with brain development: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/45-parenting-tips-angry-teens-and-how-to-support-one-who-is-struggling-to-control-themselves/

We have three teens. A 17 dd, 15ds, 13 dd. Our oldest turned 13 during Covid and it was amazing not dealing with the middle school girl emotion drama. Our son is even keeled. Our youngest acts the way yours does daily, multiple times a day. Sometimes I react with removing devices if I feel she’s over stimulated, sometimes I push for better more communicative answers, sometimes I leave her alone. It sort of depends on what I read in her body language and how her grades and social life has been like in past few days. It’s not easy, she’s a total bear 75% of the time. But the 25% that is good, it is really good so I give her some grace. Being a young teen is not fun.

Read “Untangled”

Find a good adoption agency.

Divorce her.

My daughter is 12 and half and lately she has been really emotional.

If my husband or I mildly suggest or ask anything (what summer camp do you want to go to, do you want to hang out with friends, do you want to go to this school dance? How is x friend doing - do you talk to this friend?), she gives us an exasperated “okaaay” or sometimes bursts into tears.

We ask her what’s wrong and she says we’re pressuring her (but we’re really just asking).

We are exasperated!

Experienced parents, how do we handle this???