Honestly, I am a woman and I would support your continuing to refer to him as her affair partner (to everyone—including your kids) all the way up to the point when/if they get married.
If they could not show respect for you in your marriage, he does not deserve legitimacy or respect FROM you. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I hate to break it to ya but she's trying to make this guy a more permanent part of her life if she's introducing him to the kids.

I am fine with that. I do not have an issue at all with her even dating her AP now. My issue is that's the guy she is introducing my kids to. I feel emasculated. I came on the Internet because I can freely express my vulnerabilities here anonymously but deep inside I am questioning things about myself. Of course I won't let her define who I am nevertheless it's a tough pill to swallow when the guy who snatched your wife will also be the guy who will be in your kids' lives.

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids know she cheated on you with him?

OP here. I withheld that information. In their best interest when we informed them about the divorce we said it was a joint decision.....my son though who has been usually quite when he is around her. With me he is himself but with her he is just quite. My daughter is fine like nothing new is happening which is great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here the kids are 13(boy) and 12. If you have any advice or know anyone who has been in that situation before please share....I am seeing a therapist to deal with this. I don't know if it's because I am a male and apprehensive about therapy or maybe I need to find another therapist I am not finding our sessions useful all we do is talk and I hate talking a lot especially about this....

What method is your therapist using? If you don’t know you should ask. Random talking/venting is not going to help. Dwelling in the past at therapy does not work either.

You have brought up good points. We are mostly talking about the past ie the issues that didn't work during our marriage. I have experience with couple therapy but one on one this is my first time l. And my therapist never told me the method we are using. We are our sessions via zoom, she asks me questions and asks me to expand on my answers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I hate to break it to ya but she's trying to make this guy a more permanent part of her life if she's introducing him to the kids.

Damn that’s gross. Hopefully your kids know she’s a ho. I’d run a background check on the guy in case he’s a Brandon (kid diddler) before any sleepovers.

Do the kids know she cheated on you with him?

Anonymous wrote:OP here the kids are 13(boy) and 12. If you have any advice or know anyone who has been in that situation before please share....I am seeing a therapist to deal with this. I don't know if it's because I am a male and apprehensive about therapy or maybe I need to find another therapist I am not finding our sessions useful all we do is talk and I hate talking a lot especially about this....

What method is your therapist using? If you don’t know you should ask. Random talking/venting is not going to help. Dwelling in the past at therapy does not work either.

As angry as you are (and have a right to be), focus on what is best for your kids and take the high road towards the guy and tell him (and Ex) that everyone being cordial adults and a unified parenting front is the best thing for the kids. Request that he really make an effort to be kind and understanding with them, since their world is upended. In the end, the only person whom you can control in this situation is yourself, so be the best version of yourself in the moment and go rant full throttle to close friends when alone. You need to be the rock for your kids. And that karma will come back to you.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

Thank you. I just wonder what is going to go through my kids minds as they navigate this. And I don't want to say much because in the state I am in I rather not say much. I have discussed with the ex for us to get them to see therapists even before she decides to introduce them but she went on a tirade about how they don't need therapy and that they will be fine etc

Anonymous wrote:I hope he’s decent to your kids!

OP here I hope so too. I have no plans to ever meet him. Ex wife has the responsibility to ensure that he is good with the kids. I am not too worried about that because 99% of men honestly even if they don't like kids they will be sensitive to another man's children. 6 months anyways is really.....but what can I do nothing.

I'm sorry, OP. You are entitled to this rant.

OP here the kids are 13(boy) and 12. If you have any advice or know anyone who has been in that situation before please share....I am seeing a therapist to deal with this. I don't know if it's because I am a male and apprehensive about therapy or maybe I need to find another therapist I am not finding our sessions useful all we do is talk and I hate talking a lot especially about this....

I hope he’s decent to your kids!

I have been divorced for 6 months now and ex wife is currently living with her affair partner. We have joint custody 50/50. She gave me heads up that she is going to introduce our kids to her boyfriend (no longer an AP he has been upgraded). I wish I could stop my children from not meeting her AP. I know I can't. I am just here to vent my frustrations. I'm fine with the divorce, I am doing well mentally and physically l. However it's killing me inside that this guy will now get to meet my kids and there is nothing I can do about it. This sucks. I would be fine if was some new guy she met post divorce but come the guy she cheated me on with...ok the rant is over thanks for reading.........