How good is he with sharing his feelings and asking for what he needs and wants?

How good is he at establishing healthy boundaries and sticking to them?

How much emotional self-regulation does he have?

Does mental health

I had no idea how dysfunctional DHs family was when we were dating and even a few years into marriage. My in-laws hate each other, cheat, lie and steal from each other. DH is adamant he doesn’t want to be like that and while he doesn’t do those things, he is a product of dysfunctional parents. I had no way of knowing. I’d look for red flags like how was he raised, were his parents permissive, strict, loving? How does he treat strangers and servers. Does he talk about people behind their back? Is he close with nieces and nephews? Good luck OP, hope he’s a keeper!

^^meaning opposite as parents were abusive, neglectful and siblings are the same.

Anonymous wrote:Check out their parents and siblings. If the parents are happy and in a loving relationship that is a huge plus and if the siblings are close friends that’s another plus. That plus all the other basics which are pretty obvious.

Oh god if I had to rely on this I would have been gone in a minute. My DH is total opposite!! Married now 30 yrs!!

Anonymous wrote:What is the relationship like with his mother? Does he have sisters? I think men who have mothers who did not treat them like man-babies, and those who have sisters are more willing to take active roles in their kids' lives because they had good role models.

Does he seems supportive of your career, your goals?

Don't pick bad boys, or macho men.

Harrison Butker's mom.

Anonymous wrote:When you are dating, how do you know someone will be a good husband and father? My picker is broken! I need help

Good values, even temperament, sense of responsibility and no addictions.

On the good father type -- there are certainly things to look for in general, but until they're tested by the actual stresses and challenges of child-rearing, you just don't know.

My husband is an awesome husband and father. When we were dating:
- he had a dog and he was very responsible regarding her care and very loving and sweet with her
- he had nice, normal friends
- he was very good at his job and worked hard
- he kept his apartment very neat (not weirdly clean, but picked up and he took good care of his stuff)
- he never hesitated to spend time with my friends
- he used his words to say how he felt (good or bad)
- he treated people he didn't know (servers, strangers, etc.) with kindness
- he was financially independent (made his own money, saved his own money, and spent his money wisely)
- he laughed a lot

Interesting his parents are/were pretty awful - his dad is verbally abusive and his mom never does anything about it nor does his sister because she relies on her parents to fund her lifestyle - but after I met them he made clear to me that he worked every day to not be anything like his dad (and he succeeded) and he wanted to be nothing like his sister. So he was aware of bad behavior and worked consciously to avoid it.

Check out their parents and siblings. If the parents are happy and in a loving relationship that is a huge plus and if the siblings are close friends that’s another plus. That plus all the other basics which are pretty obvious.

Anonymous wrote:Kindness. Not pretending to be but genuinely a good guy. And don’t sleep on the nerdier guys. Not the ones who have no social life but the ones who aren’t embarrassed that they’re into tech/engineering, etc. I feel like a lot of these men grow into their own and end up being hot and successful.

Yes, this pretty much describes DH and he's a fantastic dad and husband. Some other things, he cooker for himself before we started dating and made simple every day dinners for us when we were dating. Sure, he made elaborate stuff (and still does) but it was good that he wasn't the type to rely on take out or cook to impress me. He also cared about his apartment and taking care of it. It was just generally how he took care of himself when single and also how he treated me when we were dating.

1. Kind
2. Flexible
3. Open minded
4. Thoughtful
This goes for how he treats anyone from family to strangers.

Look at his dad. I have so many friends who've been burned by guys who say that their only goal in life is to not be like their deadbeat dad, only to have a kid and realize . . . they have no actual model and they default to deadbeat.

What is the relationship like with his mother? Does he have sisters? I think men who have mothers who did not treat them like man-babies, and those who have sisters are more willing to take active roles in their kids' lives because they had good role models.

Does he seems supportive of your career, your goals?

Don't pick bad boys, or macho men.

Kindness. Not pretending to be but genuinely a good guy. And don’t sleep on the nerdier guys. Not the ones who have no social life but the ones who aren’t embarrassed that they’re into tech/engineering, etc. I feel like a lot of these men grow into their own and end up being hot and successful.

When you are dating, how do you know someone will be a good husband and father? My picker is broken! I need help