Anonymous wrote:

What I most want to do is get a promotion or move into a more lucrative role in my industry. I think I missed the age window (I'm in a tech adjacent field) where that was more likely to advance -- I had some family and health issues that sidelined my ambition for about 8 years where I was just very happy to be the invisible cog...

Could you say a version of what you've said above to your boss? "I've been happy in my role for a long time because it afforded me the work/life balance that I needed while I handled issues at home. Now that that's largely behind me, I'm looking for ways I can move up and be considered for higher level projects. What can I focus on or do to help prove myself and drive more value?"

I doubt I can really be this explicit; I'm the DH (DW is an attorney making much more $$$ than me, so it made sense for me to focus on work/life). Perhaps I am succumbing to sexist thinking, but I feel like very few people want to mentor an old man and help figure out how to move forward.

It sounds like you are doing fine.

What I most want to do is get a promotion or move into a more lucrative role in my industry. I think I missed the age window (I'm in a tech adjacent field) where that was more likely to advance -- I had some family and health issues that sidelined my ambition for about 8 years where I was just very happy to be the invisible cog...

Could you say a version of what you've said above to your boss? "I've been happy in my role for a long time because it afforded me the work/life balance that I needed while I handled issues at home. Now that that's largely behind me, I'm looking for ways I can move up and be considered for higher level projects. What can I focus on or do to help prove myself and drive more value?"

Completing well-defined projects and innovating new projects that aren't well-defined are two different skillsets. I'd look for a mentor/work for a group that spends a lot of time on innovation, so that you can see what sorts of skills you need to develop for yourself.

Set up informational, informal get to know you coffee meetings with leaders in your company who you admire or aspire to have a similar role. This is a great way to get an informal mentor and at a minimum forge some new work relationships/friendships that might lead to a formal mentorship.

See if your company has a formal mentorship program or provides coaching.

OP, I think I'm a lot like you.

I have come to think that my best role is a second in command type - I'm not a visionary, but I can execute and collaborate to build out someone else's vision. The key here is to have good enough communication with your leader/boss/visionary colleague(s) to know what the priorities ARE, and be the voice of reason about what's feasible.

I joined a mid-career leadership development program this last year that was useful in a couple ways. First, we had to go out and find mentors. The first person I asked said no. The second person said yes and has been in my corner ever since.

Second, you can't really "innovate" if you're just scrambling to get things done all the time. Block out time on your calendar for strategic big picture work on a regular basis.

Anonymous wrote:Are you just trying to keep yourself busy, or are you focused on the end product?

It’s hard to tell if there is actually a problem. Are you receiving feedback that you’re too slow?

The mentor thing seems totally unrelated to me.

I guess I am looking for a chance to be promoted, and to "get" business/work better. I'm often in meetings and my interpretation of the best course of action is counter to the consensus.

Now to be clear, I'M not oppositional at all, and probably too much of a people pleaser, and in general I've just learned to talk less, smile more as Burr suggests. But somehow despite years in the industry, I'm not "getting" it?

School was pretty easy for me, and well defined tasks and projects were straightforward. I get my assigned work done, and I work on other things, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels outside of assigned tasks.

What I most want to do is get a promotion or move into a more lucrative role in my industry. I think I missed the age window (I'm in a tech adjacent field) where that was more likely to advance -- I had some family and health issues that sidelined my ambition for about 8 years where I was just very happy to be the invisible cog...

Regardless, through it all, I've never clicked with someone higher up who I could develop a mentor relationship -- I think partly its because for a LONG time I had a lot of anxiety about authority and minimized interactions -- very much only go to them with questions that I had answers to, respond to their requrests promptly, but no pre-emptive engagement.

Consider that nothing may be wrong with you, but you are in the wrong place

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the previous poster that it's not too late to get a mentor, but I don't think asking people to be your mentor cold (unless they know your work and think highly of it) will be fruitful. I think you could start with an executive coach and that person can guide you regarding career decisions and help you identify a mentor / how to approach them.

Agree that this is good advice. Good luck, OP! Please come back with updates.

I don't think it sounds like you're doing anything wrong?

Regarding the innovation thing, there's not always going to be something to innovate. I'm a supervisor and it says in my evaluation that I need to have a major project to innovate yearly, but honestly? Everything is great and we don't need some big overhaul. Sometimes big things happen and there's a large need to do an innovative project or tiger team initiative.

I would just focus on our assigned tasks or ask your manager what more can be done.

Are you just trying to keep yourself busy, or are you focused on the end product?

It’s hard to tell if there is actually a problem. Are you receiving feedback that you’re too slow?

The mentor thing seems totally unrelated to me.

OP, I did not have a mentor till 39. I am 45 now and my career took off between 39-45. Don’t let your age hold you back.

I agree with the previous poster that it's not too late to get a mentor, but I don't think asking people to be your mentor cold (unless they know your work and think highly of it) will be fruitful. I think you could start with an executive coach and that person can guide you regarding career decisions and help you identify a mentor / how to approach them.

Some of my best mentors came into my life between the age of 38 and 45. Of course you can get a mentor!

Background, I was a top student, went to a T10 and graduated from a difficult major.

When I started working I feel like I’ve always been doing the wrong thing. I always deliver well when assigned concrete tasks, but I haven’t been able to develop a mentor relationship ever over my 15 year career. Now I’m old enough that I can’t really even get guidance from a mentor, but I still feel like I’m always out step with management and working on wrong priority tasks — too much process not enough production.

I get good reviews, and always deliver assigned tasks, but I never get the award or innovate in a way that anyone appreciates.

Is this ADHD? Personality disorder? An effect of growing up poor? I’m way past the point of developing a mentor who will advise me, but is there another avenue to perhaps restart my career path in my 40s??