Anonymous wrote:One of mine went to VT with one of his best friends from HS and still seems to hang mostly with HS friends. But I know plenty of kids go there and never see HS friends. I think DS's experience is more the exception. Most of these schools are really big and you CAN continue HS social life but only if you - and your HS friends - want it to. It takes that desire and real proactive initiative to maintain those friendships.

Also, the fact that the top 10% can get into UVA (and really it's more like top 5%) doesn't mean all of that top 5% only go to UVA.

Yeah. That part stuck out to me, as well. Some of those top 10% will be at JMU/VCU, etc. Even if 30 people from his school go there, that's just a small amount of the total student body. There are over 600 kids in my DC's grade and they don't even see most of the now in HS.

My son. Headed to an Ivy next year though--helps me stomach the high price tag a little more.

These schools are huge. You don't need to see anyone from high school. That shouldn't be a driving factor in his college decision. He doesn't need hours and hours of distance in order to have the independence and growth. Unless you're a crazy mom and just show up to see him all the time

I don't know why people are obsessed with people going away. He can travel, study abroad, get internships, join clubs, play a new sport. There are many ways to expand your horizons. If cost is a factor, then you need to clearly tell him what you're able to swing. Then he applies to a variety of schools and go from there.

Are you so blinded by the alleged glamor of this tiny part of the country that you don’t see that the kid wants to experience something different than what he’s spent his whole life experiencing?

Maybe he wants to cheer for Ohio State as HIS team. Maybe he wants to have a romance with a belle from Biloxi or a damsel from Dubuque. Find some automatic merit aid that brings the net price down to $35k & let the kid stretch his legs.

I went to my state flagship.

I walked into my first class, an Honors western civ class with only about a dozen students, my first day of college, and there were two girls from my high school. I sat through the class, then went back to my dorm and dropped it.

BUT, it never happened again and I rarely saw ran into anyone from HS unless I made an effort to do so. Of course, this was in the early 90s so we didn’t even have email.

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I am worried that even if they go OOS their social experience will be the same as they are who they are, I don't tell them this as it will be seen as negative. We don't meet need. It seems that most schools will offer enough merit aid to meet UVAs cost--so around 50K-UM and and Ivy's being the exception.

Your DC needs to get away from you. This is a time of personal growth, and they do make a new effort to connect when they find themselves far from home with a dorm full of others doing the same. Good that you don’t voice your concerns, but at 18 you do not know your kid better than they know themselves.

One of mine went to VT with one of his best friends from HS and still seems to hang mostly with HS friends. But I know plenty of kids go there and never see HS friends. I think DS's experience is more the exception. Most of these schools are really big and you CAN continue HS social life but only if you - and your HS friends - want it to. It takes that desire and real proactive initiative to maintain those friendships.

Also, the fact that the top 10% can get into UVA (and really it's more like top 5%) doesn't mean all of that top 5% only go to UVA.

My Maryland kid stayed local and attends GW. He isn't with anyone he knows from his high school, but has deliberately sought out nerdy DnD types, because that's who he is.

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I am worried that even if they go OOS their social experience will be the same as they are who they are, I don't tell them this as it will be seen as negative. We don't meet need. It seems that most schools will offer enough merit aid to meet UVAs cost--so around 50K-UM and and Ivy's being the exception.

My kid wants to get out of MD. I've told them that no matter where they go, there they are.

State flagships are large. You can meet people from all over MD and other parts of the country. You don't have to hang out with people from your school if you don't want to.

Kids worry about this all the time re: attending their in-state schools—I know I did 30+ years ago!—but I’ve never heard someone say their fears were borne out. My HS friends who went to our state flagship developed totally new social worlds, and my husband (who went to UVA from lots of HS classmates from NoVa) did not hang out with HS kids, nor did any of the NoVa kids I knew at UVA. You get thrown into a dorm with totally new kids, you join activities, etc.

seems like the majority of students at those schools won't be people he went to high school with

OP here--I am worried that even if they go OOS their social experience will be the same as they are who they are, I don't tell them this as it will be seen as negative. We don't meet need. It seems that most schools will offer enough merit aid to meet UVAs cost--so around 50K-UM and and Ivy's being the exception.

Why does proximity matter? Your kid will be an adult. Since finances are a legitimate concern, they should shoot for a scholarship to a school of their geographic presence that doesn't feel like high school part two. Or apply to schools that meet full need.

Yes. My DC who has a good group friends in HS was ready to move on and experience new things sans his high school buddies.

I really would prefer my DC (HS class of 2026) stay in VA-both due to proximity and also cost, However they feel that they do not want the social continuation of their HS-with the top 10% academically going to UVA, top 30% to VTECH and most of the rest of the kids to JMU, VCU, GMU or NOVA. We are in a high achieving public HS in NOVA.

Have any of your kids expressed similar views?