Anonymous wrote:I have a close relative who left a 'Big 3' for financial reasons years ago. Her children are now in public school. When her kids were in private, mine were in public. However, during the pandemic, I pulled mine out of public and put them in private school (not a Big 3/5) and it's been like night and day, especially for one of my kids, who has really taken to the environment and blossomed. We are committed to putting both kids through private high school. However, EVERY time I see this relative (which is frequently) she points out how wonderful her public school is (it is not) and makes snide comments about how the public high school grads are going to the same colleges as the private school kids. Although I have many thoughts about her comments - I have spared her my honest response. I have tried to be so polite because I know where this is coming from but I would like to shut her down once and for all without sounding like I am being condescending or doing something that would impact our relationship. Any ideas?

Anonymous wrote:There are pros and cons to both, honestly. I have a college freshman and the college admissions outcome in our circle has been tilted in favor of public, but that's probably small sample size. Based on years of discussions on DCUM, I understand that when you're targeting the top colleges, both private and public are hit or miss. There are fewer private students in community college and rubbish colleges, that's all, because privates do select at entry.

However, the daily real-life experience in public can be challenging due to violence and lack of material resources - as can some bullying experiences in small privates, not going to lie.

I would not sacrifice life savings for private, let's just put it like that. Put if you have the money, sure, why not. If your relative just can't handle that you have so much more money than she does, well, that's her problem.

This is not an argument either of you can win. It's a philosophical difference. You can ask her to shelve it.

Anonymous wrote:I have a close relative who left a 'Big 3' for financial reasons years ago. Her children are now in public school. When her kids were in private, mine were in public. However, during the pandemic, I pulled mine out of public and put them in private school (not a Big 3/5) and it's been like night and day, especially for one of my kids, who has really taken to the environment and blossomed. We are committed to putting both kids through private high school. However, EVERY time I see this relative (which is frequently) she points out how wonderful her public school is (it is not) and makes snide comments about how the public high school grads are going to the same colleges as the private school kids. Although I have many thoughts about her comments - I have spared her my honest response. I have tried to be so polite because I know where this is coming from but I would like to shut her down once and for all without sounding like I am being condescending or doing something that would impact our relationship. Any ideas?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re so right, Becky. Kids thrive in so many different environments. We all just do the best we can, right? Your kids are doing amazing. You must be so proud.

That’s all she wants to hear. You won’t gain anything by saying something different. You’re secure in your choices , you don’t need to do the same thing she is doing and try to endlessly justify them.

This. And try to feel a tiny bit of gratitude, inside that you have options. Change the subject kindly and move on.

Anonymous wrote:You’re so right, Becky. Kids thrive in so many different environments. We all just do the best we can, right? Your kids are doing amazing. You must be so proud.

That’s all she wants to hear. You won’t gain anything by saying something different. You’re secure in your choices , you don’t need to do the same thing she is doing and try to endlessly justify them.