Once I has some advice from the aging council, I would probably just send a letter myself to the person and indicate that I am documenting all issues with this person requesting my dad spend money so that I have all the info I needed for a lawyer or the police. I mean, you might as well try. Let them know someone is watching closely.

Anonymous wrote:All these responses are giving me something to think about. Thanks all. The idea of flagging for his do for might be the easiest path since I have no POA. When I say he can get angry, yes, I worry that it could be physical with my mother and apparently she called the police the other night. That said she feels like she can’t talk to me on the phone freely because she found recording devices in the house (just found this out) so I feel like I am only getting bits and pieces. I am planning visit them soon - despite both telling me it’s not a good time I feel like I need to see what’s going on in person.

There are bigger issues here. This doesn't sound like 'early' dementia. This sounds like the paranoia and anger that comes with dementia. I would see if you can get him on medication to address these issues. I know easier said than done. You need to think about what to do to keep mom safe.

I am sorry that you are going through this. It is hard and there are no easy answers. You need to do what is best for your dad and what is best for your mom. And they may not be the same. It sounds like your mom needs help but doesn't know how to get it. She may need to just call 911 to get him evaluated. Sadly, I had to do that with my dad due to a significant change in his behavior, including paranoia.

How much money do they have? Is this a big deal? You could also call up the 'friend' and let them know you are concerned.

Mom could set up new accounts in her name only and move money to the new accounts. That would limit the amount of money he as access to. I am non-confrontational, so that is probably what I would do.

All these responses are giving me something to think about. Thanks all. The idea of flagging for his do for might be the easiest path since I have no POA. When I say he can get angry, yes, I worry that it could be physical with my mother and apparently she called the police the other night. That said she feels like she can’t talk to me on the phone freely because she found recording devices in the house (just found this out) so I feel like I am only getting bits and pieces. I am planning visit them soon - despite both telling me it’s not a good time I feel like I need to see what’s going on in person.

How empowered is your mom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put a two signature requirement on the checking account.

Get your mom to enable you to login to all accounts so you can monitor and claw back.

You cannot just call up and do this unless he consents or has been declared incompetent.

If it's a joint account, the mom may be able to, because it's her account too

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, there’s a big difference between poor judgment and incompent.

Is your mother on these accounts? If so, she does not need his permission to move the money elsewhere. When you say he gets angry, do you mean potential violence or yelling?

+1

Unfortunately, there’s a big difference between poor judgment and incompent.

Is your mother on these accounts? If so, she does not need his permission to move the money elsewhere. When you say he gets angry, do you mean potential violence or yelling?

Anonymous wrote:Put a two signature requirement on the checking account.

Get your mom to enable you to login to all accounts so you can monitor and claw back.

You cannot just call up and do this unless he consents or has been declared incompetent.

This is so much more complicated than many make it out to be. You cannot put a limit on his account unless you are in charge and he has been declared incompetent. There was a long period of time my mom clearly had early signs of dementia and was doing stupid things financially and otherwise, but she actually passed the screen. Add to that a sibling who convinced her not to get another evaluation after that and then got handouts.

Will he get an evaluation? If not, does he have a checkup soon? Let doctor know concerns so screener is done. Also, yes sometimes APS, coucil on aging and the Alzheimer's hotline can have useful advice. It can trial an error to figure out how to get him evaluated and then he has to be far enough along the screener will catch it. In the case of my aunt it was 2 years of idiotic decisions before a screen suggested further evaluation.

What if the screener catches it and he gets a full evaluation? You may beed to get him declared incompetent so you can take over-get conservatorship or whatever it is called.

Anonymous wrote:Call local adult protective services or agency for aging and ask for advice.

Do this now. This is incredibly disturbing.

Put a two signature requirement on the checking account.

Get your mom to enable you to login to all accounts so you can monitor and claw back.

Call local adult protective services or agency for aging and ask for advice.

Put a limit on his account at the bank, and blame it on the bank.

My mother is concerned that my father is showing signs of early dementia and is being taken (financial) advantage of by a “friend”. Most recent example is father bought a $20k food truck for his friend to run, even though neither have any food, restaurant or customer service experience. Next up is friend and father are looking at boats for my father to purchase - even though father had a boat several years ago that he sold because he hated going out on it!

My mother doesn’t know what to do and I live out of town so it makes it harder. Just looking for suggestions of first steps to take here - my father gets angry easily and is not receptive to hearing how this friend may be taking advantage of him or our concerns of possible cognitive issues. Any suggestions appreciated.