Most parents understand that full access to smart phones at 5th grade is a terrible idea. And just because she says all her friends are getting on - you believe her? Very odd that in this scenario you are siding with a 10 year old against a responsible parent. New iPhones are $1000 plus and you want to spend that moneys so so she can spend her days on Tik Tok and instagram and Snapchat and be groomed and cyberbullied and get into all kinds of adult content that does thing but harm? Given everything known about the risks, it is odd you are willing to risk her health and safety to ensure she gets whatever she wants.

Team DH. Hold out as long as you can. Absolutely nothing good comes from early access to smartphones.

Your post reads like your 11 year old daughter wrote it—who gives a flip if she is “furious and sulking?” She sounds like a major brat. Your husband is trying to protect her, stop being immature and let him do the job that you clearly aren’t up for.

Your DH is 100% correct and a better parent than you are.

Team DH. Read Haidt’s book - the Anxious Generation. And your kid isn’t graduating from 5th grade.

Team DH.
It’s hard -my 5th grader called me “disgusting” yesterday when I told her she’d be getting a Pinwheel instead of a hand me down iPhone. She can get an iPhone when she’s old enough to but one and pay for the service. My husband and I agree, thank goodness. At this point she may get absolutely nothing due to the name-calling!

Team DH.

This is called “getting ratioed” OP.

I am with you. I don't think the advantages of not having one outweigh the advantages of having one when it is the norm in the social circle.

You do have to hold firm on the rules though.

DH is her parent, you're her friend.

Team DH.

Buying a powerful tool for your child just because everyone else is or because she wants it is a sign of a very weak parent.

Team dh

Team DH

Your DH is right, fwiw.

DD is graduating from 5th going into 6th grade/middle school. She has made it very clear that she wants an iPhone for graduation. A handful of her friends already have them (got them over the past year), and after talking to nearly all of her friends’ parents it seems like everyone is planning to give their kid an iPhone for graduation.

DH is very opposed and has put his foot down that he doesn’t want her having an iPhone for at least another year - his main reason is that he thinks she will be glued to it 24/7 and addicted to it, regardless of whether or not we set ground rules (or the fact that she is in school for most of the day 5 days a week where you can’t have them out). DD already has an iPad so she is on group text chats with friends and access to the internet. She knows we have a no social media policy so that isn’t happening regardless.

DH is willing to get her an Apple Watch so she can communicate but of course that’s not what she wants. To me, given her iPad and the potential Apple Watch he is ok with I don’t understand why a phone is so different and where he draws the line.

I guess I am looking for advice because DD is furious and sulking since DH has made it clear to her she won’t be getting an iPhone and he doesn’t even want to discuss it further. I feel like he is making it a much bigger thing than it needs to be.