OP is weird

Why shouldn’t he go out for drinks? Yes, you can put the kids to bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

He doesn’t seem into wanting to go, he just seems content leading them on like he might. I think he just likes that they want him to join them.

I don’t think this is a crisis of any kind and not very meaningful. Everyone likes to feel liked and appreciated, especially at a new job.

+1. Also it might be flattering to have these young guys consider him one of them/look up to them/whatever the case might be.

I’m a 49F and am always a little surprised when the 20-somethings include me in their fun stuff. I try to receive it in the spirit in which it’s offered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

He doesn’t seem into wanting to go, he just seems content leading them on like he might. I think he just likes that they want him to join them.

I still don’t follow why you don’t force the issue and offer to put the kids to bed so he can choose. By not enabling it, you don’t really know.

If he wants to go, he should tell her, ask her to put kids to bed alone, and offer the same in return. It’s not really for OP to “force the issue.” He’s a grown man.

The more he says no the less frequent the texts will be. He would be smart to say yes once in a while just for the sake of teamwork. This isn’t a midlife crisis unless all the 20 somethings were female and he went out a lot with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 yo male and have some really nice intelligent friends that are early-mid 30's. Not sure what the big deal is here. Just adults hanging out.

A lot of maturing happens in those 10 years. Have you hung around these mid-20s kids recently?

I have a mid-20s kid who has a solid corporate job. I genuinely enjoy his company and that of some of his friends. I'm in my late 50s. Would I choose to spend all of my time with them and vice versa? No. But they have an interesting and different outlook on a lot of social and political topics, are well traveled and well spoken, and it makes for an interesting evening. Staying within your own circle is limiting, so why not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

He doesn’t seem into wanting to go, he just seems content leading them on like he might. I think he just likes that they want him to join them.

I don’t think this is a crisis of any kind and not very meaningful. Everyone likes to feel liked and appreciated, especially at a new job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

He doesn’t seem into wanting to go, he just seems content leading them on like he might. I think he just likes that they want him to join them.

I still don’t follow why you don’t force the issue and offer to put the kids to bed so he can choose. By not enabling it, you don’t really know.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 yo male and have some really nice intelligent friends that are early-mid 30's. Not sure what the big deal is here. Just adults hanging out.

A lot of maturing happens in those 10 years. Have you hung around these mid-20s kids recently?

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

He doesn’t seem into wanting to go, he just seems content leading them on like he might. I think he just likes that they want him to join them.

Why don’t you encourage him to go? It seems totally fine.

I'm 51 yo male and have some really nice intelligent friends that are early-mid 30's. Not sure what the big deal is here. Just adults hanging out.

Anonymous wrote:It seems totally reasonable for him to occasionally get out to have a drink with his coworkers. It's up to him if he thinks that's a good use of an evening or not. You should also get to get away and make choices about how to spend your time.

No, I get this. We both definitely have time with our friends. This is different. He even admits they are so young, have nothing in common other than work, but it’s like he gets off on their attention. I have 20-something female coworkers and honestly, I feel like their parent, not their peer. I would never even entertain “hanging out” with them. Or maybe I would if I was trying to maintain my youth!

It seems totally reasonable for him to occasionally get out to have a drink with his coworkers. It's up to him if he thinks that's a good use of an evening or not. You should also get to get away and make choices about how to spend your time.

My DH is 42. He recently switched jobs and is now suddenly “bros” with his much younger, mid-20-something male coworkers. He could be their father. They are always texting him asking him to get together for drinks, and it’s like some weird ego boost for him—they think he’s really cool. He doesn’t ever take them up on their offer because life, kids, responsibilities, but they are always texting trying to get him to come out with them. He shares the texts with me and I think deep down, he’d love to and is just waiting for me to be like, “Just go, I’ll get the kids to bed,” while also knowing this would be a waste of a “night off”, if that makes sense. Is this a midlife crisis? I’m reminded of the book/movie Little Children, and the husband who became obsessed with skateboarding with the neighborhood teens.