Anonymous
05/07/2024 08:59
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
At least you are aware and have a therapist to help you. I’m not a therapist but had an emotionally immature and probably depressed mother. Be conscious of how what you say and do impacts your DC—would you say or do this in public? If not, then you probably should not do it.
Anonymous
05/07/2024 08:51
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?
10. emotional reactivity, irritability and low distress tolerance. Poor emotional regulation. this has been the case for a long time and the reason i would not move it to the sn board is that i think when you have a kid with sn (in our case adhd with some 'pieces' of asd like inflexibility) people tend to attribute 'everything' to that, but there are absolutely some aspects that I think are really maybe personality/ nurture based. so am curious about others experiences.
Sounds like this could be ADHD.
op - he also has adhd.
it's complex bc the DSM definition of adhd no longer includes emotional lability (it used to). And diagnostically none of the dsm labels are a standalone slam dunk for him. he has pieces of several. but i think we have for so long attributed everything to that that we have perhaps done him a disservice.
Anonymous
05/07/2024 08:42
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?
10. emotional reactivity, irritability and low distress tolerance. Poor emotional regulation. this has been the case for a long time and the reason i would not move it to the sn board is that i think when you have a kid with sn (in our case adhd with some 'pieces' of asd like inflexibility) people tend to attribute 'everything' to that, but there are absolutely some aspects that I think are really maybe personality/ nurture based. so am curious about others experiences.
Sounds like this could be ADHD.
Anonymous
05/07/2024 06:58
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
OP, did this therapist also explain that children with neuro diversity often also have anxiety resulting from how they feel socially different from their peers? This is not uncommon.
Anonymous
05/07/2024 06:37
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?
10. emotional reactivity, irritability and low distress tolerance. Poor emotional regulation. this has been the case for a long time and the reason i would not move it to the sn board is that i think when you have a kid with sn (in our case adhd with some 'pieces' of asd like inflexibility) people tend to attribute 'everything' to that, but there are absolutely some aspects that I think are really maybe personality/ nurture based. so am curious about others experiences.
You’re never going to be able to tease apart the various factors that contribute to your child’s behaviors/sypmtoms. They all influence each other and yes parenting can play a role. Professional help would be a lot more useful than this message board. Getting hung up on how much of it is “your fault” via parenting is not going to help your child. Working with a therapist is.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:51
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?
10. emotional reactivity, irritability and low distress tolerance. Poor emotional regulation. this has been the case for a long time and the reason i would not move it to the sn board is that i think when you have a kid with sn (in our case adhd with some 'pieces' of asd like inflexibility) people tend to attribute 'everything' to that, but there are absolutely some aspects that I think are really maybe personality/ nurture based. so am curious about others experiences.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:49
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A therapist pointed it out and it makes sense - dc (who also has some neurodiversity) has a lot of the hallmarks of this. I feel SO BAD. I feel like this is something babies in a chernobyl adjacent orphanage have! I have gone out in the evening maybe 20 times in the 10 years of dc's life and pretty much constantly parenting or working but also had no idea what to do with a baby when i had him. Anyone else's kid have issues like this??? such guilt
So I have anxious attachment and even though I know about attachment, it’s very subtle in the way you don’t realize you parent. You’re physically present, but meeting their needs or approaching from a YOU perspective. Read the book adult parents of emotionally immature parents. It’s words, dynamics. Nothing about being gone only 10 nights. I’ve been at home my kids whole 11 years, it’s really not that.
op - this is great perspective.
I am aware of this book and have worried many times that I might fall into this category.
ds2, however, does not exhibit any issues. But possibly I had learned to parent by the time I had him.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:24
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:22
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Also only like 1/3 of the population has secure attachment. So this Chernobyl analogy is so off. lol. The rest is avoidant and other types yet people are alive. This « info » we have is just making you more anxious literally. That’s literally the USA. I bet worldwide the population with secure attachment and poverty is like less than that.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:21
Subject: Re:I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
I have two. They were both adopted, one from a Chernobyl adjacent orphanage. No guilt and helped/helping them work through it to the extent they can.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:19
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:A therapist pointed it out and it makes sense - dc (who also has some neurodiversity) has a lot of the hallmarks of this. I feel SO BAD. I feel like this is something babies in a chernobyl adjacent orphanage have! I have gone out in the evening maybe 20 times in the 10 years of dc's life and pretty much constantly parenting or working but also had no idea what to do with a baby when i had him. Anyone else's kid have issues like this??? such guilt
So I have anxious attachment and even though I know about attachment, it’s very subtle in the way you don’t realize you parent. You’re physically present, but meeting their needs or approaching from a YOU perspective. Read the book adult parents of emotionally immature parents. It’s words, dynamics. Nothing about being gone only 10 nights. I’ve been at home my kids whole 11 years, it’s really not that.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:15
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Mom. You seem like you have it too.
op - PROBABLY!
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:13
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
OP, I would ask Jeff to move this to the SN forum. I think the neurodiversity is an important fact in your post.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:12
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
Mom. You seem like you have it too.
Anonymous
05/06/2024 22:08
Subject: I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.
A therapist pointed it out and it makes sense - dc (who also has some neurodiversity) has a lot of the hallmarks of this. I feel SO BAD. I feel like this is something babies in a chernobyl adjacent orphanage have! I have gone out in the evening maybe 20 times in the 10 years of dc's life and pretty much constantly parenting or working but also had no idea what to do with a baby when i had him. Anyone else's kid have issues like this??? such guilt