Maybe it’s self-protective? Maybe the other kids aren’t being kind to him? I would assume if he is “withdrawing” it’s for a reason, and the reason might be that the friendships have shifted and he no longer has that lunch option or feels comfortable with the “friends”. There’s is a ton of friendship shifting at the end of middle school / beginning of high school for boys. For one of my boys a large friend group completely splintered by ninth.

OP - Could Ds benefit from some therapy that would include some social skill building etc. and perhaps addressing insecurities he may have about the transition. It seems that in some high schools there can be an organized group session for neurodiverse kids interested in connecting to others. One I have heard of from our daughter is overseen by the school psychologist. So consider asking about such an outlet as you look at h.s. Also learn about what are the activities and clubs offered it seems at lunch time or after school that DS might like to try.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your kid is being kind?

OP here, thanks for listening, and yes, that's what we thought when he first started mentioning this new kid. We've seen DC be kind of the same way with another ASD/ADHD kid (also less independent than DC) who remains in the mix but DC never isolated with that kid.

Sounds like your kid is being kind?

Feeling like DC is withdrawing, retreating, whatever. Feeling anxious for high school in the fall.
DC is ASD Level 1/ADHD with an IEP. 8th grade public school. No behaviors; scarcely any emotional dysregulation in school setting. Since 5th grade DC had a mix of casual friends -- some NT, others also ASD/ADHD (but with relatively more behaviors). DH and I met most of them over the years. DC hasn't been close with any but regular contact online gaming during the pandemic and continued online gaming and in person after. DC's lunch routine in middle school has been eating with a group of the NT kids in/near the cafeteria and then going outside to play basketball, soccer, etc. A few months ago DC mentioned he was spending some time with another ASD/ADHD kid that DC said other kids didn't seem to like being with, saying the kid was "annoying". This kid is much less independent than DC. Today we find out DC is no longer doing the lunch routine; he says he is eating lunch with this kid almost every day upstairs in a classroom.
Feels like DC is isolating. I know all kids' relationships shift around in these years but I'm concerned.
Grateful for any insights/similar experiences.