Anonymous wrote:The longtime friend is consolidating power and her status. At the expense of her friend.

Women and girls who do this are a$$holes. Plain and simple.

+2

This may sound petty but I would encourage DD to no longer invite this friend to her own group gatherings that she initiates. Reasoning is that DD should start now to forge her own friend group separate from this person as it looks as though that's how things may be headed anyway.

Anonymous wrote:DD has a long time, very close friend. Friend never invites or includes her in activities that involve other friends. DD is always the one to initiate plans and will include friend in plans that involve others. DD is starting to get bothered by this. What advice to give?

Is your DD planning events with that same group or she inviting this girl to activities with other friends?

I just listened to a podcast that talked about this and the therapist said that sometimes when kids have a stable group they don't want to stick their necks out and invite a new person because that might destabilize the dynamics of the group (even if that person is nice, friendly, cool,etc).

First I would tell your DD to just ask her friend. She doesn't have to do it in an aggressive way but more just like "Hey it looks like you went to see the movie we were talking about the other night . .is there a reason you didn't invite me?"

Second your DD should only hang out and include this friend when she wants to without an expectation of reciprocation so she doesn't continue to resent her. Maybe this means they hang out less but she doesn't have to cut her out if she still likes spending time with her.

Anonymous wrote:Does the longtime friend initiate with other friends or does she wait for your child to organize? Basically, is your child her only friend? Your child can top including her. IF she asks why, your DD can say, “Since you never organize, I thought you really didn’t care for the group.”

Longtime friend does stuff with other friends (not clear who there is organizing) but those activities will never include DD (even if logically they could include her. Example: doing specific activities with other members of their shared activity (a sport). Conversely,my DD always includes her. It has come to the point where longtime friend is now turning down activities with DD when DD initiates.

Does the longtime friend initiate with other friends or does she wait for your child to organize? Basically, is your child her only friend? Your child can top including her. IF she asks why, your DD can say, “Since you never organize, I thought you really didn’t care for the group.”

I think parents can tell their daughters to plan a thing or two here and there that include more than one kid.

Totally tired of my DD being friends with someone who never initiates plans with her. It's always DD.

Anonymous wrote:The longtime friend is consolidating power and her status. At the expense of her friend.

Women and girls who do this are a$$holes. Plum and simple.

+100.


Teach your daughters to be socially gracious. Not all friend like the same activities so this doesn't apply to everything but don't encourage your DD to invite one girl from the team/club/classroom/ and not her close friend to x activity. That's an a$$hole move on your DDs part if it happens repeatedly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has a long time, very close friend. Friend never invites or includes her in activities that involve other friends. DD is always the one to initiate plans and will include friend in plans that involve others. DD is starting to get bothered by this. What advice to give?

She will be able to find better friends that let her hangout with her and are not embarrassed by her.

OP here. I don't think it's an issue of being "embarrassed by her" but more one of lack of social graces or social skills to say "hey, let's invite Larla too". Parents lack social graces to help this whereas as I am the type of parent who will remind DD 'hey, invite xyz too since they like xyz activity".

How old are they? At some point, parents needs to remove them from the making of plans.

*plain

The longtime friend is consolidating power and her status. At the expense of her friend.

Women and girls who do this are a$$holes. Plum and simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has a long time, very close friend. Friend never invites or includes her in activities that involve other friends. DD is always the one to initiate plans and will include friend in plans that involve others. DD is starting to get bothered by this. What advice to give?

She will be able to find better friends that let her hangout with her and are not embarrassed by her.

OP here. I don't think it's an issue of being "embarrassed by her" but more one of lack of social graces or social skills to say "hey, let's invite Larla too". Parents lack social graces to help this whereas as I am the type of parent who will remind DD 'hey, invite xyz too since they like xyz activity".

Longtime friendships often break apart in teen years. Can’t force it. Encourage your DD to focus her efforts on friends who reciprocate.

Anonymous wrote:DD has a long time, very close friend. Friend never invites or includes her in activities that involve other friends. DD is always the one to initiate plans and will include friend in plans that involve others. DD is starting to get bothered by this. What advice to give?

She will be able to find better friends that let her hangout with her and are not embarrassed by her.

DD has a long time, very close friend. Friend never invites or includes her in activities that involve other friends. DD is always the one to initiate plans and will include friend in plans that involve others. DD is starting to get bothered by this. What advice to give?