Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

We have kids. Do I leave them in the house? Do I take them with me?

You need professional help to determine if there is an actual danger here and a safety plan. You are saying your DH is threatening you and depriving you of sleep. Online strangers are not qualified to tell you what to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

We have kids. Do I leave them in the house? Do I take them with me?

Anonymous wrote:OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

Are you in counseling? This is a situation for professionals to deal with, not online discussion. Why do you need an “agreement” with someone who is threatening you? Just leave.

If you’re at the point that you’re contemplating calling the police and your spouse has a plan to weaponize that cry for help, communication ended a long time ago.

OP again. No cheating. I do avoid the conversations with him because it escalates to verbal abuse and threats of violence. we just need to separate but we can't even come to agreements on how that will work.

If you told him you would talk about it in the morning, op, would you have actually talked about it?

That is to say, have you been avoiding whatever this conversation was about for so long that DH got desperate?

Sometimes I feel like DH avoids talking about serious issues and by nighttime I feel frustrated. Our counselor told us that DH can say he needs time to sleep and process what I have brought up, but that HE needs to be the one to bring it back up, not me. So that’s what a counselor said.

Get a divorce. This will escalate to violence.

Did someone cheat? It was like this after spouse’s affair.

This is OP. He finally left me alone but made sure to pop back into room several times to let me know the things he wants me to change. Regarding having the last word, I was staying silent most of the time and only asking him to leave the room. We're way beyond counseling and resolving. We have tried both for many years. Leaving house is difficult since we have elementary aged kids.

Ah maybe stop trying to get the last word in every time!

Yes this is abuse. You need counseling, stat, with your husband to establish rules of engagement and by yourself to help set personal boundaries. I’d reach out to a local women’s shelter who can help you come up with a plan to leave the relationship, if that’s what you want.

What are the issues?

OP. Go to a hotel. You and spouse need to go to therapy asap. You need to talk through your issues, but not tonight. You do need to commit to resolving your problems though.

OP, can you leave? Go somewhere and sleep? Come back in the morning?

If you feel unsafe, you can call the police.

Spouse won't let me sleep. It's been almost 3 hours. Demands we work through issues right now. We have so many issues and its been years of turmoil. I don't want to talk anymore. I just want to sleep. I threatened to call nonemergency police because I feel desperate. Is this abuse? Could they help me? Spouse says they will document that I called for no reason. Is this true?