Unless parents can be neutral, often their unilateral views tilted towards their own child can complicate relationships.

*Divorces are

People are playing the field longer with dating, hook ups, relationships and marriages so they come in experienced but guarded, bitter and baggaged and years of being set in their ways so its tougher now to merge emotional and practical lives. Divorced are as complicated as marriages.

Are your kids already adults?

If they’re not, I would say the following works:

1. Do not let them have college debt. That makes them unmarriageable to a large section of peers.

2. Make sure they have gotten treatment for any long term problems: orthodontia, ADHD, acne, all of it.

3. Make sure they are independent. Make sure boys can clean and cook and expect to do so. Make sure they have excellent manners. Make sure they are generous and hardworking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suitable? I don't think I have found any of their potentials unsuitable. I'm trying to think ... no, no one comes to mind.

Probably a red flag already that something concerns you.

No red flags, observing young people having difficulties finding and retaining partners, mist complains seem to be about ugly surprises from online matches. Also seeing many divorces due to failure to launch men, high maintenance women and infidelity.

Teach, and model for, your kids normal social skills and get them interested in doing more than sitting on their phones and scrolling TikTok so that when it comes to finding a partner, they have a broad set of interests, knowledge, and a big social network to work from so they’re not using online dating as their 1 avenue.

Try to keep open lines of communication so they feel they can come to you to discuss relationships without judgment. I never had a wise parent or grandparent to help me through some issues. I might have avoided some mistakes in my twenties if I had just had someone to turn to.

Discussions about healthy vs unhealthy relationships. Discussions about growth and self awareness, and being a whole person before committing to a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suitable? I don't think I have found any of their potentials unsuitable. I'm trying to think ... no, no one comes to mind.

Probably a red flag already that something concerns you.

No red flags, observing young people having difficulties finding and retaining partners, mist complains seem to be about ugly surprises from online matches. Also seeing many divorces due to failure to launch men, high maintenance women and infidelity.

You're describing the ills of online dating, OP. It happens to everyone who uses it, and these days, most people are on apps, so if you're not, it does limit your opportunities.

Separately, I think social taboos are lifted a little more for each generation. So maybe all the dirty nitty gritty of finding and losing mates wasn't aired out to one's relatives before. Now it can be.

You're getting an earful, but it doesn't mean there wasn't just as much infidelity, high maintenance and failure to launch before...

Anonymous wrote:Suitable? I don't think I have found any of their potentials unsuitable. I'm trying to think ... no, no one comes to mind.

Probably a red flag already that something concerns you.

No red flags, observing young people having difficulties finding and retaining partners, mist complains seem to be about ugly surprises from online matches. Also seeing many divorces due to failure to launch men, high maintenance women and infidelity.

My grandmother set up my sister with a friend's grandson. It worked. Married 15 years with 2 kids. Our mom couldn't have done the same thing, fwiw.

Suitable? I don't think I have found any of their potentials unsuitable. I'm trying to think ... no, no one comes to mind.

Probably a red flag already that something concerns you.

Not being a difficult future in-law yourself.

They already know to avoid picking someone with their father’s personality. We have discussed it many times. They are well-versed in mental illness red flags.

Well Jennifer Pan's parents tried to play a more active role and you can see how that turned out on Netflix.

Is there any acceptable way you can help your adult kids find suitable spouses and build healthy families, other than modeling it for them?