If she flat out doesn’t have the strength to hit the ball over the net when serving it’s not the right sport for her. Before giving up get a volleyball, watch some YouTube videos and take her to practice. If after practicing she isn’t getting it over the net or close to getting it over the net you should let her quit. Some kids just don’t have the coordination and upper body strength to hit the ball over.

Can her friend help her?

My church youth group used to okay volleyball weekly and I was hopeless at all sports. Finally, one mom told me to have the valve hole for inflating the ball pointing straight up when I serve. I don’t know if it actually does something to the aerodynamics (doubtful) or more likely some sort of placebo effect (although I initially thought it was nonsense), but after that I could usually manage to successfully accomplish a basic serve (ball resting in hand, hit with fist).

Unfortunately, there weren’t any other tricks to help me hit the ball or avoid it hitting me. Nonetheless, just having one thing I could do helped me feel line I was participating as part of the team.

If she wants to get better, you can practice with her. If she doesn’t want to do volleyball and you signed her up because you thought it would be good for her, let her quit. Your embarrassment is irrelevant. While physical activity is important, ball sports aren’t for everyone and neither are team sports. She could be on a non-ball team like swimming or track. She could play a non-team ball sport like tennis. Or she might prefer a solo-activity that doesn’t involve balls (swimming, cycling, skating, dancing, gymnastics, fencing, parkour, martial arts, rock climbing, etc.). You could even just go on family walks.

DD and I agree that the worst ball sport is volleyball. It hurts our hands and arms, and the ball coming at us is scary. Laugh and mock, but that's how we are. We're musicians, and DD has performed at Carnegie Hall and the Kennedy Center - meaning, we're good at other things.

As a teen, I would see the ball coming and literally step aside. I was excoriated by my team, but I didn't care. I was afraid of the ball.
DD just came home from school and told me she dodges the ball too - without even knowing I did the same thing when I was her age! We had a good laugh over it.

All sports are not for everyone, OP. We prefer to hike and climb in the mountains. Instead of forcing your kid to smack her arms or hands on the ball, teach her to own her decisions instead. If she wants to get better, she can practice and face her physical fears. If she doesn't because she has other things she's great at and challenges herself in other ways, then she has to face her social fear of her teammates. Either way, it's a teachable moment!

Anonymous wrote:She’s doing it for social reasons. Best friend is on the team (she’s very talented) and that makes DD feel worse. I want her to stick out the season but I’m certain she won’t play in fall. I would like to get her through the rest of this season with some semblance of improvement. Practices are once a week and she missed one so she hasn’t had much time to get instruction. I think coach discounts her bc of her lack of strength.
-OP

I'm a PP. My DD was the same. Can her friend practice with her?

She definitely needs to practice more than 1x/week.

She’s doing it for social reasons. Best friend is on the team (she’s very talented) and that makes DD feel worse. I want her to stick out the season but I’m certain she won’t play in fall. I would like to get her through the rest of this season with some semblance of improvement. Practices are once a week and she missed one so she hasn’t had much time to get instruction. I think coach discounts her bc of her lack of strength.
-OP

Does she want to be good at volleyball? If she doesn’t care, don’t force it.

This was my DD. My DD was a late bloomer. She was the tiniest and weakest in her team. I am also super petite, but I used to play volleyball out in CA a lot, and I was pretty good at it in my younger days.

I practiced with her. Get a volleyball and go to the park, preferably an enclosed tennis or basket court if you have one so you don't have to go chasing after the ball so much.

Draw a line with chalk of where the net would be. You won't be able to mimic the height, but you can at least see if she can get the ball to the line.

Serve the ball to her, and have her hit it back to you. She needs to learn to not be afraid of the ball. Have her volley the ball herself, as well.

She needs arm strength; have her do some strength training exercises.

Some of it is confidence. I found that when DD got a bit better, she was more confident to go after the ball.

Does she practice outside of the 1x/week practice with the tec league?
You know, bumping the ball in the front yard, back and forth with you?

What is she like at practice?

Does she want to play volleyball? If not, I’d try a different sport.

Maybe volleyball isn't for her. There are tons of other sports/dance/clubs out there .

13
-OP

I was this girl. In hindsight I realize I had (still struggle with) very little upper body strength making in nearly impossible to serve or even return.

But even so, I found it extremely painful. Seems as if there must be a way people can serve and return that lessens the pain???

But yes, I was then paralyzed with embarrassment because I was so incredibly bad.

It wasn't rec, though. It was required portion of middle school PE back then.

How old is she?

First time trying a rec team. She’s the worst on her team by far. She cannot serve to get it over the net. She just stands there when the ball comes near her. I think she’s embarrassed of messing up, but she’s not even trying. I’m embarrassed for her. What do I do to help her?