Mine hates “community day” at school (half days where they play silly games, etc.)- the chaos is super triggering for her anxiety, and it ends up doing the opposite of intended, as it shuts her down. We don’t present it as getting to skip because of anxiety (because no letting anxiety control things), but we do tend to coincidentally have doctor’s appointments booked for those days so she misses them.

I just try to be flexible and forgiving. I remember how hard it was to be a teen. my boomer parents were completely absorbed with their own lives and clueless to my misery. Girls laughed at my clothes or if I recycled an outfit for a school dance. I went to an expensive private school where my mom worked. It was mortifying to go to school in the wrong clothes or not have what others did. So now, I just buy lulu (sometimes likenew or poshmark) but I give her what she wants so she’s on the same platform and doesn’t have that check against her. Others may feel differently but it was awful to go thru that and I won’t have her feel like an outcast.

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing therapy with my child where we are not giving in/providing accommodations

We did the SPACE parent training that sounds similar.

You don't necessarily pull away all accommodations at once.

For us, we make concessions like allowing for last minute get together with friends even when they're inconvenient or get in the way of planned family time (only child, so it's only the parents being inconvenienced). We don't always say "yes," but more than we would otherwise like to and it feels worth it for friendships, which was otherwise a difficult area.

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old struggles more with anxiety around her period which made sense to me because I do as well. Her psychiatrist also said that there is a small percentage of women who need a higher dose of medication at certain times of the month because something medical that I am not qualified to explain causes meds to be less effective. As we track this to see if upping doses at certain times would help, we are absolutely giving her more leeway when it comes to missing school (at most once a month).

Oh!
Thank you for this insight. This tracks.

That’s not anxiety that’s picky and knowing you will cave in. Stop caving in.

Honestly, grades.

This gives ME anxiety, but it seems to relieve theirs.

My 14 year old struggles more with anxiety around her period which made sense to me because I do as well. Her psychiatrist also said that there is a small percentage of women who need a higher dose of medication at certain times of the month because something medical that I am not qualified to explain causes meds to be less effective. As we track this to see if upping doses at certain times would help, we are absolutely giving her more leeway when it comes to missing school (at most once a month).

My child will only eat meat at a specific fast casual restaurant, so we go there 1 time a week for take out or eat in. She's on the thin side and is not a big protein eater so this works. We used to do Starbucks sometimes because she would only eat eggs there (the Costco version didn't work for us).

When she was younger, I hosted a ton of play dates (usually not reciprocated) to help build up her social skills. I also cut my job hours so that I could be at the bus stop to pick her up since aftercare was not her thing. It was hard for me but worth it. Now she goes to a babysitter.

If we had to do a blood draw or medical procedure I would sometimes bribe with a slurpee.

Elevators used to be an issue and I made her take them for the most part but every once in awhile I didn't have the strength to fight it.

Anonymous wrote:It's the clothing - Lululemon and other trends, for instance. But we've had body image issues in the past (not eating disorders, but rather weight gain) and her having the clothes she wants seemed to make her feel better and more confident, so it seemed worth it. In the end, I'm not sure we end up spending that much more, because she doesn't actually have a lot of clothes. She just has expensive clothes. We also spend a lot on Starbucks, because she's part of a HS sports team that does a lot of trips there together after practices. So we support it in order to support the social relationships.

This is us. We buy clothes that are more expensive than we'd prefer, if that's what it takes for him to not get bullied - his social anxiety can't handle it. This was a difficult mindset for me, since I have OCD, and concessions/enabling are 100% harmful when it comes to that, but he's so much more comfortable and has more friends now.

OP what’s your plan for when she moves out?
Or goes to college? What do you think she will eat? That’s a lot of processed non healthy food to get her used to.
Mine has adhd not anxiety and it’s still a relatively new diagnosis. I’m trying to take a step back with being super organized and planning everything and being more do open with what works for her.

My autistic kid has a lot of social anxiety. I give her money for lunch whenever she wants to go with classmates -- engaging socially is more important than learning to budget.

I'm doing therapy with my child where we are not giving in/providing accommodations

It's the clothing - Lululemon and other trends, for instance. But we've had body image issues in the past (not eating disorders, but rather weight gain) and her having the clothes she wants seemed to make her feel better and more confident, so it seemed worth it. In the end, I'm not sure we end up spending that much more, because she doesn't actually have a lot of clothes. She just has expensive clothes. We also spend a lot on Starbucks, because she's part of a HS sports team that does a lot of trips there together after practices. So we support it in order to support the social relationships.

I think concessions I’d make for a child with eating concerns is different for a kid with, say, social anxiety.

Also for your specific situation, they have Starbucks branded egg bites at Costco, if she would be open to trying those.

For us it’s Starbucks, costs a fortune but at least she’ll order something to eat and on days I’m lucky, an egg and bacon croissant.

She has had an eating issue in the past so we do a lot of eating out and ordering in, all this just to get her to eat something. My husband’s idea, I’d rather cook her something but now just to have peace and no fighting, cave in.

A number if other little “give-ins” but this is the one i had to compromise the most. Good thing we can afford it.